Arrogance ?

[The emperor has no clothes]

I like to think of myself as courteous to my fellow man. Maybe I’m not as forgiving as I thought.
 

The other day one my workers got treated very condescendingly by a shopper. It’s not unusual in a grocery store, and probably not in many businesses. After 47 years I’m pretty used to it, and it doesn’t bother me. But, this employee is relatively new and it got to her. Many of our shoppers are “snowbirds”, and some of them are well to do. It’s not uncommon for a very small minority of them to think they are above us. What is kind of ironic though, is most of them are not the doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. who earned the money, but their spouses who probably never have worked.
Because of what we do, a lot of the time we just have to grin and bear it. When they start cursing at employees and calling them names, we will ask them to leave. Most of the time it’s not near as insidious as that though. After talking to my worker I don’t know if it helped her any, or made her feel any better. Sometimes nothing short of punching the offender in the face helps much.


Anyways, it got me thinking. Do I ever act like that ? I think I can safely say no. But....if I were to be honest, I’m sure there are times I think to myself what a dumbass someone might be. Which in truth, probably comes out in a subconscious negative way. I need to curb my private thoughts probably. There is no real point to this story. Other than nobody deserves to be talked down to. If you are out shopping today, say “Hi” to people working. It goes a long way to helping them get thru the few assholes. (See, I told you I need to curb my private thoughts)

[scooperhsd]

I don't always remember, but I do try to say Thank You and Please.

[Alpha Dog]

My rule for quite a few years now is to treat workers as if their job is the most important job in the world.

[Bret SD]

I don't have much patience for azzholes who measure themselves against others using money. Three of my friends are multi-millionaires and you wouldn't know it to look at them, and they wouldn't tell you, one drives a 2003 Toyota pickup.
Honestly your employee must have had a really hard time dealing with that situation, I don't think I could take it.

[Jersey mike]

Hey Meathead, there’s a big difference between arrogance and ignorance. As far as I’m concerned with what I’ve read neither describes you...so you’re cool don’t sweat it.

I’ve been out in public and see the issues out there with people, my wife and kids as well hate the supermarkets and stores and dealing with people. I had 2 kids work in a local supermarket and they most people are ok but there were some real winners they would tell stories of.

[MarkT]

Reminds me of the "Queen of Mean"  Leona Helmsley.  They even made a movie on her - "Leona Helmsley:  The Queen of Mean".  More : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leona_Helmsley

It's sad that some (many) folks learned to go through life abusing others.  I learned long ago you get more flies with honey than vinegar.  But some never learn that.  Pretty much everyone in customer facing positions (and I suppose most others too) have to make choices that will affect their customers.  Abuse them and the choices will not be in your favor.

[bagelboy]

It's all about karma...be nice, treat people nice, and it all comes back to.

[Challenger]

After 44 years dealing with the public, it still amazes me that a customer can have a complete nasty meltdown and come back in a week later and act as if you wouldn't remember it.   

[The emperor has no clothes]

After 44 years dealing with the public, it still amazes me that a customer can have a complete nasty meltdown and come back in a week later and act as if you wouldn't remember it.   

no kidding ! The ones that get me, are the ones yelling and screaming that they’ll never shop here again. Next week they are back like nothing happened 

[Jess from VA]

Many years ago when I was in solo practice, I was living at poverty level and needed every case (client) I could get to stay above water and pay my bills.  When you take someone's (small) money and agree to represent them, you are agreeing to put up with them for the duration of their case.

Most of my clients were poor and young and often scared but I still treated everyone with respect.  But a few were just big anuses.  Even though I could not afford to be picky, there were a few big anuses that I did not want for clients (and you can tell right away).  Instead of telling them to take their business elsewhere, I quoted them about five times the going rate to represent them.  This caused the expected surprise and anger, and they always left.  

But I was always nice about it and smiled a lot.

I was at my local Walmart yesterday, stocking up on supplies.  This is the place that is always full of the unwashed masses of all races, creeds, religions and ages.  I always enjoy these outings and have many nice conversations with all kinds of people.  When you cast your bread up on the water in friendship, it's amazing how it nearly always comes back to you.  



  

[0leman]

My first job with the Gov was as a forester for the BIA.  I worked in the high country in AZ.  There were times when I wouldn't see another human all day.   Every so often would meet up with a lost  tourist type.  You have to keep in mind the nearest gas station was two hours away from where I worked.  Some would act very demanding that I help them, I  would tell them how to get out of the area. But would not tell them of the 5-8 different roads that may confuse them on their way out.  Those who asked like I was their equal would get which roads to take.  Even showed them on a map how to get out.   One time was sitting on the hood of my truck eating a very late lunch when a guy pulled up in a Camper and asked "Where in the hell am I".   I replied to him "Where in the hell do you want to be".  He started laughing.  After a bit more exchanged, He left with 5 gallons of gas he needed to get out of the woods and was still laughing.   Yeah, I may have been a bit of a a@@hole to some others I help out a lot.  The guy left money to replace the gas I lent him at the gas station I fill up at.

[Calboy]

"Give me a child  until he is seven and I will show you the man."   Or the woman....

[Oss]

To me the worst offenders are those who work in the court system followed closely by women in Mercedes and BMW who enter the highway and shoot into the left lane to go 10 under the limit while on the phone

But again most of my day is in court.

I was like Jess once, then I learned to think of my life first.

Now I tell prospective clients dont take this the wrong way but I am
not going to help you because I have to I will do it after we talk for a spell because I want to..... now tell me your problem

If I can not do it or do not want to do it I will give 3 referrals to the person and not charge for my time.

When in Court I always say hello to the court officers, the clerk, the court attorney and the judge. And I stand when the Judge walks into the room.

Life is better now, mostly

As to reaching out in friendship, ask yourself if you were to come on this board stating you wanted to travel from one end of this land to the other how many folks would be offering to share time with you,  nuff said

Meat, I am not going to answer your question, but just say, having given you PM feedback many times on the subject     (count to 10 before posting)

Since we no longer have the van, you and Brenda will have to keep things PG while riding in the back seat next time you come in

[DDT (12)]

Rob,

I thought you were pretty easy going and pleasant enough to sip a couple with... of course, adult supervision was close at hand! If my vote counts for anything... you got it!

DDT


photo upload website

[Bighead]

I rub elbows with and am friends with many guys who are millionaires (I am not one, not even close ) none of wich treat me any different than their fellow millionaires. Anyone who does differently is an idiot. And your fellow employee should take it with a grain of salt. IMHO.

[sheets]

Worked - "in the trenches" - of Cali State Hiways for many-many years. Seen both ends of the spectrum. At night or during storm conditions, keeping the best interests of motorists foremost in mind we were praised and viewed as guardians angels. During a regular daytime work day - impeding their forward movement in traffic control measures for routine maintenance - have been treated like the scourge of the earth. For years I'd been the recipient of foul language, and objects thrown at me during the hours of daylight. During the hours of darkness I've been routinely praised - and on occasion outwardly thanked for saving one's life. Twenty-eight-plus years out where the rubber meets the road I've seen and heard it all. Another ten years as a desk jockey intercepting calls via telephone . . . more of the same. Depends on the scenario. One minute an angel - the next on the receiving end of crap - for no reason other than slowing them down for a couple minutes out of their day. Such is life serving the public.   

[Willow]

I like to think of myself as courteous to my fellow man. Maybe I’m not as forgiving as I thought.

 ... small minority of them to think they are above us. What is kind of ironic though, is most of them are not the doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. who earned the money, but their spouses who probably never have worked.
...
Anyways, it got me thinking. Do I ever act like that ? ...

Rob, let's address those thoughts with some humor and some unsolicited sincere advice.

Firstly it appears you think you are equal or superior to those spouses of doctors, lawyers and others.  You think they didn't work.  They think they worked hard to snatch (no pun intended) up a rich person to marry.  You didn't.  Which work is more beneficial?  Depends.  It depends highly upon what one wants out of life, doesn't it.  Are they above you and me?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  To me what's more important than what someone else thinks of me is what I think of myself.  

I try to greet service persons everywhere I do business; stores, restaurants, wherever.  I try to habitually ask them about their day and call them bu name if they're wearing a name tag.  Do I think I'm above them?  Hard to say but my being nice to them wouldn't mean so much if neither of us thought I was.

Do you ever act like that; treating people arrogantly?  Yes.  Most of us do.  It may be especially tempting when dealing with people across the keyboard.  One hard discipline for us to follow is treating people whom we think are stupid as if we didn't.  In a divisive discussion sometimes we can just feel good enough about ourselves to make our point and then step back rather than repeatedly attempting to correct so many with whom we disagree.

You're not alone.  I'm not alone.  The difference is that I am indeed above many but I hide it well.  Both you and I can do better.  

I'm sorry your young colleague had to endure this experience.  If she uses the experience well it can make her a better person than the customer who belittled her.

[RDAbull]

My first rule of business is: never get on the wrong side of someone who is working, you don’t see all that much of that any more and you are going to need their help one day.
I remember early in my career my biggest single client was a complete asshole.  One day he was cussing me out over an investment that didn’t work out quite the way I had thought and I had all I could take.  I handed him his file and told him that maybe his needs could best be met by somebody else.  He took the file and walked out.    A few days later one of the wealthiest people in town came in and said:  I heard Ed fired you.  Well it was an agreed decision was my reply.  Well then you are probably the kind of person I can do business with was his only commitment.  His children are still some of my largest clients.  Assholes will be assholes, sometimes you just have to smile and move on.  Just remember, they have to live with themselves forever.

[Jess from VA]

People who take advantage of, dominate or abuse other people of lower station, status, weaker physical or mental ability, or workers who can't fight back on pain of dismissal are bullies in the classic sense.  It's not just physical, it's also verbal.

I got exposed to a lot of that in my early years, moving 17 times before first grade.  And it lead directly to my dad (recently out of the Corps) teaching me to defend myself.  Walk away, don't ever fight if you don't have to, use your smarts to avoid fights, or your speed to run from them (there is no shame), but if there's no other way out go right at them with shock and awe (nose, eyes, throat and nuts), and if there's more than one find a stick or some kind of weapon.  But don't hit women and girls.  That's still good advice.

I have a particular distaste for bullies.  I even worked for one, for about 3 months.  

What causes people to be bullies is the subject of a sociology/psychology text, but it's likely they got a healthy dose themselves earlier in life, or continuing.  The same is true for all kinds of abuse, and it's hard to understand.  You'd think they'd be particularly sympathetic or understanding, but it is some kind of pathological learned behavior.    

[..]

People who take advantage of, dominate or abuse other people of lower station, status, weaker physical or mental ability, or workers who can't fight back on pain of dismissal are bullies in the classic sense.  It's not just physical, it's also verbal.
 

Now some can bully from remote locations.

The obvious ones are easy to spot.

Some have good camouflage.

[Wizzard]

After working behind a counter and serving the public for 18 years I treat those who are behind the counter totally different and have respect for them . They put up with a lot of crap.

[Jess from VA]

I worked for the public (pumping gas mostly) from 15-17.  It was an education with some of everything you can imagine:  nice and polite, mean and nasty, angry and upset, pitiful and penniless, cheaters and liars, condescending and haughty, belligerent and wanting a fist fight, women who crapped down the wall in the ladies (never in the men's), drunk and sober, and a lot of funny.  And my coworkers were as diverse as my customers.  And the pure volume and creativeness of bullsh!t communicated every day was a PhD level of education.  Weeding out the truth (if any) was like crypto-analysis for a teenager.  

It was an entirely different world than going to school.  I learned to keep a poker face (and mouth), to be polite and deferential (the expected behavior of my low position), to be notable for nothing, and to be good at my job and work hard (which is it's own reward, and also made the hours fly by faster).  And our boss was an abusive drunk who would fire you in a minute if you gave him any sass.

Overall, I decided I didn't like it at all and tried to never do it again.  And it wasn't the small money.

I try to treat everyone with a degree of courtesy and politeness.  It looks like respect, but it isn't.  That takes longer to earn.  The golden rule is a good one to live by.  

But it's hard to stick to when the texting lady in the minivan changes lanes right on top of you.

Hey lady, you're number one.  (the middle one)  

[old2soon]

               I hauled a lot of C O D household furniture. Young female college students were extremely friendly when with me and a helper or two until I said-and they had been so informed by verbal and written contracts-that C O D actually do mean CASH ON DELIVERY and not one stick of furniture comes off the truck until I have either cash in the full amount in hand or a certified check in hand and taken to a bank and verified Then the furniture be put where they want it put. Turned out they were NOT near as friendly after they had to part with cash for the move. And in some places I've dealt with the counter folks I am at time stunned by the total lack of knowledge in the job they are supposed to be performing. I like waitresses unless I order chicken and they bring me ham. Or my coffee cup remains empty far too long. And after spending time in far too many resturants all over the U S of A I can tell the difference tween busy and lazy. Worked in service type industries most of my life. Had I acted on instinct I'd have spent a lot of time in jail. But I will say this-customer is NOT Always right. RIDE SAFE.

[mbramley]

 We took a trip south one year, we were getting ready to head home from Georgia and stopped for supplies at Wallyworld. We were in line at the checkout, there was a very elderly lady and a 20 or 30 something gentleman(used loosely) who looked to be on break from some sort of construction work then us. The lady was obviously having  hard time and had more items than she was supposed to in that line. The u-hum gentleman kept remarking and trying to embarrass or intimidate the lady. So I turned to my wife loud enough he could here and said- "so much for the southern hospitality you here about". That was enough to make him think and give her a minute to finish. Before this gets taken the wrong way- most everyone I have dealt with in my travels in the Southern half have been great.

[scooperhsd]

We took a trip south one year, we were getting ready to head home from Georgia and stopped for supplies at Wallyworld. We were in line at the checkout, there was a very elderly lady and a 20 or 30 something gentleman(used loosely) who looked to be on break from some sort of construction work then us. The lady was obviously having  hard time and had more items than she was supposed to in that line. The u-hum gentleman kept remarking and trying to embarrass or intimidate the lady. So I turned to my wife loud enough he could here and said- "so much for the southern hospitality you here about". That was enough to make him think and give her a minute to finish. Before this gets taken the wrong way- most everyone I have dealt with in my travels in the Southern half have been great.

Most people in most places are pretty nice if you give them a chance. Unfortunately - you can run into a-holes everywhere also...

[Black Pearl's Captain]

As a retired engineer myself I find it very arrogant that the OP thinks any bad shopper is the wife of a doctor, lawyer or engineer and not a local grown regular meat cutters wife. Do they label the shoppers when they walk in the door?

[The emperor has no clothes]

As a retired engineer myself I find it very arrogant that the OP thinks any bad shopper is the wife of a doctor, lawyer or engineer and not a local grown regular meat cutters wife. Do they label the shoppers when they walk in the door?

As a retired engineer, I would expect your reading comprehension to be a little better.

[Bighead]

As a retired engineer myself I find it very arrogant that the OP thinks any bad shopper is the wife of a doctor, lawyer or engineer and not a local grown regular meat cutters wife. Do they label the shoppers when they walk in the door?

As a retired engineer, I would expect your reading comprehension to be a little better.

OUCH

[MAD6Gun]

As a retired engineer myself I find it very arrogant that the OP thinks any bad shopper is the wife of a doctor, lawyer or engineer and not a local grown regular meat cutters wife. Do they label the shoppers when they walk in the door?

As a retired engineer, I would expect your reading comprehension to be a little better.

 Careful Rob your condescending arrogance is showing..

 I agree with Raymond. I read your original post and there was more then a little condescension towards the spouses of doctors,engineers, ect. But I'm not surprised you show condescending attitude all the time.

[Pluggy]

My wife and I work at the local food bank.  Nobody pays.  Most folks in the program are likeable and polite.  A few "customers" can be demanding.  Arrogance is not always about income.

[klb]

I was Arrogant to my XR600 once. Standing above it resting my
big azz foot on it. Next ride she threw me off and I rolled down a
pretty steep bank. I apologized and all was well.  Goosfraba.......

[The emperor has no clothes]

I was Arrogant to my XR600 once. Standing above it resting my
big azz foot on it. Next ride she threw me off and I rolled down a
pretty steep bank. I apologized and all was well.  Goosfraba.......

[Black Pearl's Captain]

As a retired engineer myself I find it very arrogant that the OP thinks any bad shopper is the wife of a doctor, lawyer or engineer and not a local grown regular meat cutters wife. Do they label the shoppers when they walk in the door?

As a retired engineer, I would expect your reading comprehension to be a little better.

 Careful Rob your condescending arrogance is showing..

 I agree with Raymond. I read your original post and there was more then a little condescension towards the spouses of doctors,engineers, ect. But I'm not surprised you show condescending attitude all the time.

Arrogance is not so bad but this part of the OP is just down right misogynistic:  "but their spouses who probably never have worked".

I guess this implies they got "rich"  from being good in bed, surely no spouse could be a doctor lawyer....and could have worked and became rich on their own.

I'm surprised the fine women on this board would tolerate such comment.

[The emperor has no clothes]

As a retired engineer myself I find it very arrogant that the OP thinks any bad shopper is the wife of a doctor, lawyer or engineer and not a local grown regular meat cutters wife. Do they label the shoppers when they walk in the door?

As a retired engineer, I would expect your reading comprehension to be a little better.

 Careful Rob your condescending arrogance is showing..

 I agree with Raymond. I read your original post and there was more then a little condescension towards the spouses of doctors,engineers, ect. But I'm not surprised you show condescending attitude all the time.

Arrogance is not so bad but this part of the OP is just down right misogynistic:  "but their spouses who probably never have worked".

I guess this implies they got "rich"  from being good in bed, surely no spouse could be a doctor lawyer....and could have worked and became rich on their own.

I'm surprised the fine women on this board would tolerate such comment.

You assume much. Very similar to parking in handicap zones. Have a good day Engineer. 

[f6john]

It’s usually a good idea if you find yourself in a hole to stop digging.

[MAD6Gun]

It’s usually a good idea if you find yourself in a hole to stop digging.

 Is it possible to lock your own thread??

[..]

I was Arrogant to my XR600 once. Standing above it resting my
big azz foot on it. Next ride she threw me off and I rolled down a
pretty steep bank. I apologized and all was well.  Goosfraba.......

Those Honda's were quick reminders.

[klb]

I was Arrogant to my XR600 once. Standing above it resting my
big azz foot on it. Next ride she threw me off and I rolled down a
pretty steep bank. I apologized and all was well.  Goosfraba.......

Those Honda's were quick reminders.

 

[DGS65]

It must be Winter!
Bickering over nonsence rather then discussing the great day you have riding.

[baldo]

It must be Winter!
Bickering over nonsence rather then discussing the great day you have riding.

Exactly. Lots of ridiculous self-righteous indignation flying around .