Hey Motomama...

[f6gal]

I thought of a new song for our repertoire. 

"Mama's got a Kidney Stone"  (Sung to the music of "Papa was a Rolling Stone.")

Anyone that wants to pitch in a verse for our new song... go for it.
Let's make the suffering Motomama laugh a little.

[f6gal]

First verse and chorus go like this:

It was the thirtieth of July.
The day she'll always remember, yes she will.
'Cause that was the day that the pain kicked in.
She never felt a pain quite like it.
Never had something make her double in pain.
Doctor, she's depending on you, to give her some help.

The Doctor just hung his head and said,
"You, Mama, have a kidney stone.
Wherever you lay, you'll feel this pain.
(And when it passes) All you'll feel is more pain."
Mama has a kidney stone, my gawd.
Wherever she lay, she feels that pain.
(And when it passes) All she'll feel is more pain.

[John Schmidt]

Oh you poor lady. Coming from someone that's had numerous stones, one that put me in the hospital for a week a couple years back, I know what you're feeling. Since then, I've been on Allopurinol and Potassium Citrate and haven't had a major attack or stone buildup. I did pass a small one on the way home from Ohio last week, nothing else.

I've been told the propensity for stones is somewhat hereditary so you can blame it on your familial genes....or Carl, he's closer. 

And Connie, that's so mean....but I still think it's funny. 

[MP]

Best wishes.  I had one a while back.  Thought I was going to die, then found myself wishing to die!  Owieeeeee!!!!1

MP

[f6gal]

The next verse:

Well, well...

Hey Doctor, is it true what they say,
that ultrasound will pummel that big ol' rock?  
That Doctor, he turned to Mama and said,
"If it hasn't passed in seventy-two hours, we'll look at that."
Well, that ain't right!
But, that Doc then said the magic words, pain medication!
Talkin' about Dilaudid; and had the nurse reaching.
Feeling the rush, Mama's reeling in the thrill of relief.

The Doctor just shook his head and said,
"You, Mama, have a kidney stone.
Wherever you lay, you'll still feel pain.
(And when it passes) All you'll feel is more pain."
Mama has a kidney stone, my gawd.
Wherever she lay, she feels that pain.
(And when it passes) All she'll feel is more pain.

[Cattman]

The next verse:

Well, well...

Hey Doctor, is it true what they say,
that ultrasound will pummel that big ol' rock? 
That Doctor, he turned to Mama and said,
"If it hasn't passed in seventy-two hours, we'll look at that."
Well, that ain't right!
But, that Doc then said some magic words, pain medication!
Talkin' about Dilaudid; and had the nurse reaching.
Feeling the rush, Mama's reeling in the thrill of relief.

The Doctor just shook his head and said,
"You, Mama, have a kidney stone.
Wherever you lay, you'll still feel pain.
(And when it passes) All you'll feel is more pain."
Mama has a kidney stone, my gawd.
Wherever she lay, she feels that pain.
(And when it passes) All she'll feel is more pain.

I fought the stone and the stone won, I fought the stone and the stone won.
The morphine worked and I floated away only to hear to my dismay.
The stone is too big and it's stuck tight, we'll keep you here for the nite.
Tomorrow we'll try and make it go away, make it go away.
Tomorrow came and the Dr. said that 7mm stone won't last the day.
As I drifted off  to the anesthetic I heard him say a manual extraction will be the best way.   
The next thing I knew was hours later. The Dr. said the stone is gone, the stone is gone. ???
We couldn't catch it as much as we tried, so we beat it to pieces as I started to cry.
I recovered, and to this day, my equipment and a manual extraction will never see the lite of day ever again.
If that were to happen the stone would win.

Laurie, hope these make you laugh. Remember morphine is my friend.   

15 stones and counting. 

[Chili Pepper]

Yer killin' me. I'm gonna hafta report youse guys to the moderators for verbal abuse 

[f6gal]

Yer killin' me. I'm gonna hafta report youse guys to the moderators for verbal abuse 

You're gonna report me to.... me?  LOL. 
Let us know how that works out for ya!   

[Normandog]

I'm fairly good at rewriting lyrics to suit an occasion but I believe you have covered all the bases Connie.
Lori I feel yur pain. I had one several yrs ago on the 4th of July. Took about 4 days to pass it. They had admitted me to the hospital to pulverize and remove it. I was gettin' the nurse a urine sample when I heard the wonderful sound of a stone hitting the side of the plastic bottle. I was outa there in 2 minutes.
Should it turn out to be a cherry pit and not a kidney stone I'm sure it was Madison or Carolyn that left the pit in the cherries. I would never do ya that way. 
You can use this as an excuse to drink lots of beer. I hope you get rid of it really soon.

[Chili Pepper]

Yer killin' me. I'm gonna hafta report youse guys to the moderators for verbal abuse  

You're gonna report me to.... me?  LOL.  
Let us know how that works out for ya!  

heheh.... They laughed at me. Can you believe it?!!  

[Psycho]

Lori, hope you are feeling better this morning.  I feel the pain that you are in.

Michael

[Misfit]

Dang Girl, I hope everything comes out all right.

[JDW365]

Nothing more sweet sounding than that "Plink"  in a plastic strainer!  Hope it passes quickly with no other issues.  . I did find a hottub was a great relief during my time.  Give it a try if you have access to one or maybe a hot bath. JDW

[R J]

All I will say is OUCH, dat do SMART.
But when ya hear the plink, it is just healin up time from then on.

Them little spurs do have some SHARP points on em...

[motomama]

Still here...just waiting it out!  Bummer!  I did get a good laugh, though from the "lyrics" you guys have come up with!  Pretty clever, Connie!  I do have to say that pain meds always have a way of making things funnier...imagine that! 

[Jim_Orr]

I know your hurting a lot now but take all of the pain pills you can and do what the doctor says and it will be over with soon. 

[Chili Pepper]

Hope the pain has passed......ahem ...and you're feeling much better...sooner rather than later.

Keeping good thoughts headed your way...

[therapist]

I've heard jumping up and down forces the stone down and out. 





Psst...hey Carl, tell me if she falls for this.


But seriously, hope "this too shall pass" real soon.

[motomama]

Connie...no more new lyrics?  What is up with that?

Well, I did go in on the 5th of August and had the lithotripsy done, but unfortunately, it did not do it's job too well.  A few small pieces broke off, but the stone was still lodged pretty good.  I had surgery on Tuesday of this week to have it manually removed (I guess they had to break it up some with a laser to get it out), and had a stent put in.  Since then, a trip to the ER and lots of pain meds, blocks of time I can't remember, and I am getting there, although not as quickly as I would like.  The stent comes out next Thursday and then I should be good to go! 

Now where are those new lyrics???

[Karen]

Wow, Lori, first all those years with Carl, and now this? At least you could have the stone removed, but I think those willows are pretty hard to get rid of, tenacious root systems. Stay on the drugs, listen to some Rolling Stones, it'll be like the 60's & 70's all over again. Sorry to hear you've had so much pain, but hopefully you're on the mend. Maybe Connie will write some more healing lyrics, they were pretty good, I can understand why you are asking for more!

[Cattman]

Take some pain meds/muscle relaxer before the stent is removed. I didn't realize they were 3' long.

[f6gal]

Now where are those new lyrics???

Sorry I fell down on the job... busy week.  
Here's the next verse (this one should have been before surgery, post-surgery verse coming soon).

Hey Doctor, I heard Mama's got problems that just will not fade.
She thinks you're trying to send her to an early grave.
Folks say Mama will beg, borrow, and steal for another pill.
And Doctor, she kept waiting for that stone to start breaking.
Spent most of her time straining urine and aching.
Doctor, she's depending on you to provide some relief.
Mama looked up with a tear in her eye and said,

"Doctor, take out this kidney stone. (Well, well, well, well)
Wherever I lay, I still feel pain.  
(And when it passes) All I'll feel is more pain."
Mama has a kidney stone, my gawd.
Wherever she lay, she feels that pain.
(And when it passes) All she'll feel is more pain

[f6gal]

And the next...

Hey Doctor, is it true what they say,
that you finally put Mama under the knife?
But Doctor, some bad talk going on the board
saying that Mama's rejecting the stent and it's causing her strife.
Well, that ain't right.
Heard you and that procedure should have left her beaming.
Instead, two days later, Mama just starts screaming.
Off to the E.R, swearing in the name of the Lord.
The Doctor just scratched his head and said,

"You, Mama, have no kidney stone.
It must be the stent that's causing your pain.
(And though the stone's passed) All you'll feel is more pain."
Mama has no kidney stone, my gawd.
Wherever she lay, she still feels pain.
(And though the stone's passed) All she feels is more pain."

[motomama]

Oh my!  Connie, you do have a way with words!  I was cracking up throughout that entire verse!  You missed your calling!  You should have been a lyricist! 

(But, like I said before...things are always funnier when you are on pain meds) 

[Chili Pepper]

Hope the worst is over and you're back in the wind before you know it.