COLONOSCOPY !

[T.P.]

OK,  Ladies and Gentleman it has been 4 days since Laser Pat left us.

has anyone made a COLONOSCOPY appointment yet?  T.P.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonoscopy

[Misfit]

had one three years ago. They told me all was well and to come back in 10 years.

[Rams]

Every five years whether I like it or not. 

And, No, I don't look forward to it.  The actual procedure isn't bad, I'm asleep for that but, the prep is a real nightmare.  Don't plan of going anywhere during that time frame except the bathroom.

[..]

Just did it.

Oh the pills the pills. 

[The Anvil]

I'm due for the "finger of doom" in a few days. It will be my first.

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[John Schmidt]

The dr. I go to for it has a sense of humor. Just before I nodded off, he stood there with the instrument in his hands and with a nasty laugh(obviously put on) said; "hi, I'm from the government and you didn't pay enough tax last year."

The nurse attending my wife chased me out of the prep room the last time she had one. Seems she didn't like my sense of humor, even though my wife told her to just ignore me. Since she was experiencing a lot of discomfort in her belly, my wife was to have her stomach examined at the same time. So, I simply told her to always make sure the dr. examined her tummy first. When asked why, I told her they're trying to cut back on expenses and often use the same instrument for both examinations, which can leave a nasty taste in your mouth if done in the wrong sequence. The nurse promptly ushered me out of the room. She probably eats sour pickles for desert. 

[alph]

i don't understand why so many people need to be "put out" when they have this proceedure?  when i had mine done, i was 100% awake, drove there, hadder done, drove home, all by myself.  i MUST be a bigger A-Hole then the rest of you's!!    the worst part was when i walked out to my car, and relieved myself of the "air" they pumped up me, and all that KY jelly fell out!!  that was ickky.  (yes, i know, WAY too much information!!)

the key thing is to relax.  take it like a man..... 

[Rams]

i don't understand why so many people need to be "put out" when they have this proceedure?  when i had mine done, i was 100% awake, drove there, hadder done, drove home, all by myself.  i MUST be a bigger A-Hole then the rest of you's!!    the worst part was when i walked out to my car, and relieved myself of the "air" they pumped up me, and all that KY jelly fell out!!  that was ickky.  (yes, i know, WAY too much information!!)

the key thing is to relax.  take it like a man..... 

What, they let you leave with all that air in there?  Hmmm, my doc says he uses another instrument to ensure the air is all out.  Not sure, as I said previously, I was asleep but, all I'll say is if you wake up and there's a whistle stuck there, and it ain't whistling, then the air pressure has been relieved.

[olddog1946]

My first colonoscopy went without a hitch, no pain, no nothing...that was local...
2nd one was at the VA...and they were using me for training and took me over 6 weeks to recuperate from that one.
3rd one, at the VA again, but this time somebody had an idea about what they were doing...

the absolute worst part is the night before and never being able to get more than 10 feet from the can.

[Doc Moose]

Have a friend that is currently a Stage IV cancer pt that started as colon cancer.  Extenuating circumstances with unemployment and general ignorance led to his situation.  He has months to live, depending on how well his chemo treatments slow down the cancer.

Get the colonoscopy, it's not nearly as big a deal as people think and could save you from a terrible fate.

[Michael K (Az.)]

I had one in the scheduling hopper before Pat passed. Just waiting for the paper shuffle to settle. Be my second.

[hotglue #43]

April is the break time for my insurance.... will wait for then so I don't have to pay the annual (2 N's, and a U) deductable twice.... I never go to the doctor unless I break something.... and I have reset my own broken finger and taped it to a stick...LOL

[snohunter]

Did it two years ago . Walk in the park. GET IT DONE !!!!!!

[..]

i don't understand why so many people need to be "put out" when they have this proceedure?  when i had mine done, i was 100% awake, drove there, hadder done, drove home, all by myself.  i MUST be a bigger A-Hole then the rest of you's!!    the worst part was when i walked out to my car, and relieved myself of the "air" they pumped up me, and all that KY jelly fell out!!  that was ickky.  (yes, i know, WAY too much information!!)

the key thing is to relax.  take it like a man..... 

I too am surprised they let you go gassed up.

My experience was a weird one.

As the snake was inserted I said to the Doc I can feel that.

He in turn said to the nurse"give him some more juice".

She said "we're about to run out of gas"

As I was fading away the Doc replied "it's Ok we've got enough".

So I'm lying in the recovery ward, curtains drawn. Ex sitting next to me and she tells me that the nurse need to hear me expel gas before I can elave. I tell her of the gas situation and then have to lie there for 5 or so minutes making fart noises as best I can    before I'm released.

I was told you have to get the gas out or it can permeate your upper body cavity and that's where it doesn't need to be.

[PAVALKER]

First one I had I was awake for and saw the camera/TV, even asked questions.  After it was over I had to get up and go to the rest room to rid myself of the gases.... WOW... I impressed myself with sound and duration.... didn't get to share that with anyone.  Felt much better afterwards.  Second one I was put under or in twilight and didn't have to rid myself of gases, but was told they did by pressing on my belly a little to facilitate it. They had to remove some pollips while they were in there as well.  I prefer the twilight one if I have to get one.... and yes, that prep is a necessary evil... very evil, but very necessary as well.   

[R J]

I lost count of how many I've had.

Only one was a major pain in the a$$, all the others went off without a hitch.

Due again in 6 months.

So Get-R-Done, gentleman.

[T.P.]

I had my first Colonoscopy on December 24th 2010 at age 55.  they also did the upper GI Endoscopy at the same time. I asked for the upper to be done first and the DR. said he was going to do the Colon first,  I told him if I taste $hit, we are all done.  he had never heard that before, couldn't stop laughing.

clean on both ends.  GET-R-DONE   T.P.

[Red Diamond]

Been getting for about 12 years now, one every 3 or 4 years. I think given the severiety of colon cancer, they should be done every 2 years. The last one was done about 2 years ago and I'm about to push for another, there is nothing bad about it, other than the preparation, as was mention in a previous post.

[Challenger]

Going back in this May, last one I was out also, but they did and endoscopy at the same time, took 6 biopsies while they were there, Last thing I remember, the nurse said open your mouth and we are going to_____   

[art]

i don't understand why so many people need to be "put out" when they have this proceedure?  when i had mine done, i was 100% awake, drove there, hadder done, drove home, all by myself.  i MUST be a bigger A-Hole then the rest of you's!!    the worst part was when i walked out to my car, and relieved myself of the "air" they pumped up me, and all that KY jelly fell out!!  that was ickky.  (yes, i know, WAY too much information!!)

the key thing is to relax.  take it like a man..... 

BS

[Gear Jammer]

Geez T.P.,  don't get so anal about it     

[Jess from VA]

You guys are mixing up the Sigmoidoscopy (awake) with the Colonosocopy (anesthesia).

You are not supposed to drive home from the later because of the anesthesia. 

[bassman]

You guys are mixing up the Sigmoidoscopy (awake) with the Colonosocopy (anesthesia).

You are not supposed to drive home from the later because of the anesthesia. 

 

[bassman]

REPOST from last year.....a little humor for a VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE....Bottom
line - git'er done!!!

 

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
 
 
Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
 
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug.. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough..

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked...

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
 
 
 
 
 
 


On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

[Jess from VA]

I have read that little story many times......... and I LMAO every time. 

at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

[old2soon]

Had my first one at the V A last year. That durn soap water they give me was a definite shuttle launch. But i can't tell you a thing about the procedure. I was out like a light. The good  news is i are clean as a whistle. Next one when i turn 71.  No excuses guys and gals-get it done. It may just save your life. I talked with three of my neighbors here and two of them have already made their appoitments. The minister i live next door to is gonna take a little more work. RIDE SAFE.

[Thulsa Doom]

I'm 45 and have had 4 of them so far, as well as a sigmoidoscopy and a couple of endoscopes too.
I have 'stomach' troubles.
Last year a short while after my last colonoscopy I started experiencing great pains and fever. Turned out to be diverticulitis. Treated with antibiotics and went away but eventually happened again.
Had 1/4 of my colon removed last April. Open surgery - couldn't get it all laperoscopically. 6 days in the hospital. 11 weeks out of work. Better now. Not all better like most folks live but better than I've ever been and when I have problems I typically get over them faster so all good.
IMO the best thing about a colonoscopy is the 3 hr nap I take after I get back home.

Funny story:
After my first one, my wife came in to the recovery room to find me. She heard me fart in my sleep and then heard me laugh and say 'Ha! Good one'.
She knew it was me. LOL

[Valkahuna]

i don't understand why so many people need to be "put out" when they have this proceedure?  when i had mine done, i was 100% awake, drove there, hadder done, drove home, all by myself.  i MUST be a bigger A-Hole then the rest of you's!!    the worst part was when i walked out to my car, and relieved myself of the "air" they pumped up me, and all that KY jelly fell out!!  that was ickky.  (yes, i know, WAY too much information!!)

the key thing is to relax.  take it like a man.....  

I've had two, last one about 4 months ago, and never was given the choice to be awake or not. Colonoscopies are , from what I know, automatically done under anesthesia. There is another procedure, called a sigmoidoscopy, that is not as extensive, and I have heard of it being done while the patient is awake. In either case - get it done!!! The stuff you hear about how awful the prep is is way overblown. The new method is that you take some crystaline material, and dislove it in Gatoraide, drink it, and don't stray too far from a bathroom!!!

I lost a very close friend because, in his words, "he believed his friends when they told him how uncomfortable the prep was". He did not pass as quickly as our friend LazerPat did. He went through multiple surgeries, a highly toxic form of Chemo that made him wish he died, and then the cancer still metastasized, spread through out his major organs, traveled up his spine, and spread to his brain. I'm sorry to be so graphic, but I'm trying to instill in all that this is something that none of us should skip. It can, and will kill you, and most of the time only after a lot of agony.  

So, PLEASE, no excuses, get it done.  Even insurance companies have made it "Welcare" and access to the procedure is normally funded even if you can't afford it on your own. Please, just do it!!!

[robin]

next Tuesday had one planned already, every 5 years i go 

[czuch]

I told Tammy its time for her to get one. My times coming around too. I have an appointment next week and I'm gonna request a ride on the pipe for two. I always ask for the longer thicker one.
They give you more juice that way to shut you up. The last time I went I told the FOXY nurse that I realize not everybody you get is as spectacular as me but we can both enjoy this as much as we can.
When you look at the list of famos folks who got claimed at a young age by this, its astounding.
Elizabeth Montgomery. Many more, but she has always ,,,,,,,well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[bassman]

Also, it's covered by Medicare in case ya didn't know it.....

http://www.medicare.gov/navigation/manage-your-health/preventive-services/colon-cancer-screening.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

[..]

I'll be swallowing the pills on April 3rd   ready for the procedure on the 4th  

[RTaz]

I get mine on Monday.

[Chrisj CMA]

OK, this is an important topic...............many (especially us guys) put this off........I had one done at age 50 it was no big deal.  They musta got me to pass the gas before I woke up because I dont remember any rocketing expulsions........I get my next one at age 60

this is funny if you can get over his casual use of some "F" bombs...Ive been in Scotland (and England) and yes it is common, they dont even seem to consider it cussing, so forgive me if you cant get past it, if you can you will be rolling.........

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[Michael K (Az.)]

I'll be swallowing the pills on April 4th  ready for the procedure on the 5th 

Hey Britman! I'm one day ahead of you! I'm prepared to tell horrendous stories just for your peace of mind!

[Whistler]

Just had mine in Jan. get one every year. No big deal just doing the prep is annoying, but anyone can do it without issue. Had them with local and without, your choice! Get it done!!!!

JDW

[..]

I'll be swallowing the pills on April 4th  ready for the procedure on the 5th 

Hey Britman! I'm one day ahead of you! I'm prepared to tell horrendous stories just for your peace of mind!

Bet I can describe mine in a worse way than you can 

[Michael K (Az.)]

I'll be swallowing the pills on April 4th  ready for the procedure on the 5th 

Hey Britman! I'm one day ahead of you! I'm prepared to tell horrendous stories just for your peace of mind!

Bet I can describe mine in a worse way than you can 

I hope neither of us will be able to describe our 'scopin at all! That would entail us being conscious. No Bueno!!

[Jess from VA]

Billy Connolly is a funny man.

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[bigguy]

Done the camera up the willie.   I can assure you Mr. Connolly's analysis is dead on.
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