Friday Funnies... Early Edition

[kiwi#9582]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>                 She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

>                 Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>                 Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>                 Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>                 And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>                   
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>                 
>               WOMEN'S REVENGE
>               'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase
>               As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
>               'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
>               'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
>                 
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>             
>           UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>           (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>           I know I'm not going to understand women.   I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your legs, rip the hair out by the root,
>           and still be afraid of a spider.
>             
>               
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>             
>           MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>           While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>           Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>           'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
>           He addressed the man,
>           'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
>           Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
>             
>             
>             
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >             
>           WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>           A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
>           An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>           As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
>           'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
>             
>             
>--------------------------------------
> >             
>           WORDS
>           A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
>           30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>           The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
>           The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
>             
>             
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >             
>           WHO DOES WHAT
>           A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
>           The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
>           The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
>           Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
>           Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
>           So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
>
>           'HEBREWS'
>             
>             
>  ----------------------------------------------------------
> >
>             
>           The Silent Treatment
>           A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>           Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>           Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,  'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .'  He left it where he knew she would find it.
>           The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
>           Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>           The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
>           Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>             

[mhallock]

My parents (known for their constant arguing) often took the 40 mile ride to my house on the weekends. When a friend asked
them," How long does it take you to get to Marks house?" my father replied,"One long argument or three short ones!"


Mark

[kiwi#9582]

Great reply......   Sounds like they also had a sense of humor at the time....