assisted living for family member

[cookiedough]

new ownership took over my moms asst. living facility and got letter over the weekend a 600 rate increase NOT based upon level of care which it should be, but operating expenses.  Owner of place who is from big city Chicago who probably NEVER even has visited the place locally small town in WI nearby says to me has been operating at a LOSS last 2 years since owning it.  I told him maybe he should not have bought it then in the first place and did his research before buying properties?  Unexpectedly last night got a call from previous director there who quit ASAP in the middle of the shift and she told me he is full of BS operating at a loss he just wants more money in his pocket big city folks and all.  She also told me reason she quit in the middle of her shift is that owner would not allow FMLA for her ailing father needing to be there for a few weeks deathly ill and he refused said to her if she leaves (since was short staffed to begin with since they never paid healthcare people very well to begin with) that she can NOT EVER come back, so since he was like that, she left ASAP just like that.  Isn't FMLA (family medical leave act) a MUST required if qualify?

So, 600 is unreasonable request one time jump for us as well as all the other 15 residents and know 2 down there that have already called the owner like I did and refused to be reasonable like 200 rate increase.  Looking yet again some near 1 1/2 years later for another asst. living place more reasonably priced and hopefully better care for mom as well since more than once understaffed and technically by law a few times there having ONLY 1 staff member there for 15 residents is illegal and place could have been shut down or fined at the very least if I did report it.  So far no luck but visiting 2 places today this weekend Saturday.

I really hate finding another place for my mom but being lied to to line his pockets full of my money is not right either.  Director told me those owners sitting behind a desk in Chicago have absolutely NO clue on how to run a skilled asst. living facility.  My fear if I leave mom there very long that place will shut down anyways since 2 of the residents families questioning the HUGE jump is looking elsewhere as well and being a VERY small town with ONLY 15 resident facility that if 2-3 more leave am pretty sure that place will shut down permanently and then am screwed if leaving mom there.   If owners think they were at a loss before, if 2-3 private pay people leave over 4K per month vs. govt. funded ones getting say 2K paid to them,  that place will be at a loss since NO way very many people want to move aging folks to a hicktown small facility with only 15 total residents since NOT that many around my area.

[98valk]

move her into another place. the owner doesn't care and there will be reduced staff and care, reduce food service and no time staff to clean, food posioning, etc. which will be very bad for your mom. 

[bassman]

How much "assistance" does mom need on a daily basis?  Is it possible she might qualify or prefer something like a Senior Group Home if they are available in her area?  They tend to be much smaller than assisted living facilities and also cheaper.

https://www.seniorliving.org/group-home/


Good luck.....been there myself....not fun or easy for sure. 

[cookiedough]

How much "assistance" does mom need on a daily basis?  Is it possible she might qualify or prefer something like a Senior Group Home if they are available in her area?  They tend to be much smaller than assisted living facilities and also cheaper.

https://www.seniorliving.org/group-home/


Good luck.....been there myself....not fun or easy for sure.  

beyond senior home has to be CBRF assisted living wearing depends, need help showering, personal care, and pretty much everything except she can eat on her own no problems, so far anyways.

Just found out the place was going to visit does NOT accept if the POA has already been activitated which it has now for near 2 years...  will see?   Not sure which is worse having left your mind or body, neither loosing is good.  

I am getting one place nearby being the owner to assess my mom tomorrow late afternoon at her asst. living place she is at now.  Hope all goes well since that right now is my best shot at other living arrangements. NOT much around me at all since all small towns and refuse to drive 1 hour to Madison to see my mom vs. 15-20 minutes locally here in smaller towns nearby smaller living places which am sure she would prefer as well always living in 1000 or under small towns her entire life.  AS a bonus, I am taking 2 hours off work as well tomorrow for it,  since although I like my job, just not my boss or working conditions/pay.

I also visited today an IN HOME caretaker who does 2 older seniors now living both out of her home but is near same price near 4K which I felt was INSANE pricing even at say 3300 each is 10K per month to her and her part time lady who helps out and what I did not like is pretty small quarters in that small house cluttered with knicknacks and small doorways not wheelchair accessible mom needs plus step in about 6 inches high to take a shower as well as not as safe more places to trip and fall and other bathroom no way can get even a walker thru the doorway so that 1 bathroom is useless to my mom.  Plus is ONLY her there alone taking care of 3 seniors and if needed another lady she knows to fill in I know so what happens if both are busy or get sick or whatever?  NOT a true CBRF facility that I feel my mom needs to be safer in as she progresses worse and worse the next few years of her life.

I can see in next week or so my brother and me getting into it over this house since his wife (whom I dislike) found out suggested this home place since my brothers wife's mom lives there the last year and likes it there but she even though is older age 84 can still walk fairly well NO walker and just start of altzheimers vs. my mom in wheelchair mostly needing depends fairly often and later to mid stages of altzheimers no true memory at all.  I just do not feel comfy leaving her alone with ONLY 1 caretaker there since I know my mom being heavier around 200lbs. might require 2 adults to lift her or take care of her at times.   I can see her care getting more needed and doubt this one lady in her 50's can handle her 100% of time and then what, we go there and 1-2 years later she says she cannot handle my mom any longer then what?  Right back to where I am at now.   I know heated arguments with my older brother will be coming next week on this luckily I have P.O.A. thank god for that otherwise rest assured I bet my brother and his wife would be writing her checks left and right for their own personal needs.  Found out 3 personal checks, since I do her banking,  while mom was still living at home wrote checks for 2-3K each my brother asked my mom for for his kids for college or vehicle or whatever.  I never said anything but surely will once mom passes and when mom had her mind she told me my brother said they will pay it back which I know 110% none ever did repay since I balance her checking account.    My main concern is BEST care possible LONG term then 2nd is money factor but has to be reasonable 4K or so per month vs. some are over 5K not worth that much difference NO way, if you want to think 4K per month is reasonable for asst. living?    :'(

Trust me,  I have thought about quiting my job and stay with  my mom at her house nearby and pay me 3K per month which is lots more than I make now or ever will in my life,  which still would save her 1 grand per month vs. an asst. living home, but mom's bathroom tub would have to be re-done for a walk in shower as well as building a wooden ramp to get in one doorway since unable to go up steps any longer.  PLus, some minor social interaction with folks her own age is best for her even though she does not participate in conversions any longer is good to have others around her  am sure.

Really irks me my older brother takes a nonchalant approach to everything hardly doing much for my mom and he lives near same distance away not visiting her very often either.  I do all the leg work and analyzing and billing/medical issues, getting mom stuff needed,  since he has NO clue nor tries much. 

[cookiedough]

I know bottom line where mom gets best care, but this other asst. living place came back at about same price as what she can get now staying put near 2 years now.  I was hoping for 1 level care lower being 400 bucks per month cheaper, but does not look like it. 

I am having one last final mtg. with this new asst living place to see if he could consider even 200 less since pricing is now pretty much equal.  level 3 to level 4 care is 400 difference.  On his cover sheet, I was pretty sure mom would be at level 3 care not level 4.  He emailed me his criteria of point scale and do not agree with a few things in his point system, but even my point scale came  up 1 point shy of level 3 but his came up 2 points shy of yet another 500 rate increase to level 5 being totally highest needed care level,  which that has me thinking stay PUT for if mom ever needs eating care or full toiletries, she is maxed out yet another 500 out per month and that is not good and hopefully not happen soon anyways.   I doubt though the owner of the new asst. living place will change his mind though but never know since he wants to rent that unit out for it sitting empty or with someone who is on govt assistance paying him 1/2 of private care is doing him not much good either. 

As much as I somewhat dislike the new owners jacking up the rates 400 bucks or so more all of a sudden,  none out there cheaper I do not think.  Plus with him just jacking up the rates astounding all at once and getting some slack from more than just me being 2-3 more residents getting called into,  I highly doubt another rate increase is expected in a few years, or at least not any worse than any place else. 

If i was into asst living care,  I would open up my moms house for 2 residents with minor alterations to her house for accomodations and make 4 times my monthly salary.   A lot of people are doing it and can see why if do not mind changing dirty adult diapers and bathing them, etc.  for 4K or more per month at an asst. living facility is not cheap.

[G-Man]

There is a good book that came out recently:  I'll Be Right There, written by Fern Pessin.

It's a pretty comprehensive guide about what to expect and how to navigate becoming care providers for elderly parents.

Wish I had it when my Mom was around.

[0leman]

Several weeks ago we put my Mom into an assisted living situation in our town.  Pretty impress with the folks who work there.  Mom seems pretty happy with the arrangement.  She is still pretty mobile, doesn't need a lot of care, just someone checking in one her.   At 102 years. 

Thankfully my Dad took stock options with the company he worked/retired with.  The stock now gives my Mom enough money that will pay for the new home with a good amount left over at the end of the month. 

AND her home, which is located in another town over the Cascades, is in the process of being sold.    Potential buyers have accepted our price, now waiting for home inspection and an appraisal.

[cookiedough]

Several weeks ago we put my Mom into an assisted living situation in our town.  Pretty impress with the folks who work there.  Mom seems pretty happy with the arrangement.  She is still pretty mobile, doesn't need a lot of care, just someone checking in one her.   At 102 years. 

Thankfully my Dad took stock options with the company he worked/retired with.  The stock now gives my Mom enough money that will pay for the new home with a good amount left over at the end of the month. 

AND her home, which is located in another town over the Cascades, is in the process of being sold.    Potential buyers have accepted our price, now waiting for home inspection and an appraisal.

am impressed with your good family genetics at 102 years and still fairly mobile.  I think if mom did not have altzheimers when age 70 or so starting last 2 years age 77 now getting much worse she would still be living at home.   When she had her mind and able to walk no walker needed only 3-4 years ago she told me she was NEVER going to be forced to leave home and would NOT and was strong headed about it.  Now she does not know where she is at nor where her room is even.  Only 3 major things she has not lost total control of is eating by herself no problems yet,   going poddy hit or miss 50/50 now,  and speaking ability is so-so can comprehend and answer basic questions and sort of understands the questions but rarely speaks back in full sentences very often just a few basic words. 

When she fell almost exactly 2 years right before Xmas early December that was the beginning of the end the DRs would not (or highly advised not to)  let her go back home was unsafe to.   

If was smart should have put her home under my name few years ago that way when sold the govt. cannot take her home value as an asset since under my name.  Now if we sell which plan on doing next spring/summer if we ever get her hoarding stuff done,   since home under her name me POA still assets belong to her and put the money into her checking account to pay double asst. living vs. govt. handouts of broke.

For those of you checking, check your local VA for benefits provided found out 2 days ago that if Dad (moms spouse) was in war conflict the asset value changed recently in WI anyways from 89K asset value to now 129K asset value in order to receive 1209 month  tax free from the Veterans Admiinstration so at least that is good news. 

[cookiedough]

well found 2 good or hopefully better asst. living homes and got my answers from owner answered today finally going to pick up rent agreement with mgr. tomorrow taking off 3 hours of work, reviewing it, signing it on Tuesday and then email or calling current asst living owner moving her out by Dec. 31st not giving current asst. living home 30 days notice as original rent agreement states near 2 years ago.  I figure if they want to up the rent 600 bucks which is insane then the original rent agreement of 30 days is null and void not getting a dime more outta me after Dec. 31st.   Was tough choice both other places in same town nearby one has 8 others while the other has 16 total residents.  I picked the one with 8 residents more homey feeling and brighter inside and not as run down and hopefully same level of care.  ONLY thing that worries me is having ONLY 8 total is that enough stimulus for mom to be around as well as ONLY having 1 care provider on staff vs. 2 or 3 during the day at the other place slightly larger with more people around.  Cost is 300 bucks cheaper per month as well making moms money last longer as well sure hope I did not pick the wrong one LONG term, only time will tell?  

Only good thing is my moms mind situation does not really care where she is at now and not like she knows where she is at now even what town she is at lived in that town since 1971,  but new faces and new places am sure she will be a little uneasy at first but being more homey and smaller should help.  Owner assured me no rent increases she has had 1 tenant over 10 years now and has not raised her rate even though probably should have and no plans on selling in next 15 years she said in it for the long haul vs. other place 16 residents nice owner as well but only there 4 years now.  Nice home cooked meals daily and am 110% sure  better food no processed foods from a box she said EVER and hopefully enough stimulus at this new place to keep her going a few more years.   Next weekend move out date and moving belongings out and hospital bed, etc. am sure the current owner of the place from Chicago will not like it but oh well, he was the one deciding a 600 per month hike in rent not me and the 1 staff member have seen for 15 or so residents is against WI asst. living guidelines hefty fines to follow if he wants to argue with me on not giving 30 days notice I will report him to the state of WI and probably should for the sake of the other tenants there.  Big shot owners of that place last 2 years sitting behind a desk some 200+ miles away in big city Chicago not knowing the current events there of what is going on does not sit well with me at all the past 6+ months ever since the old director there quit on the spot arguing with that owner over not allowing her to take 2 weeks off for FMLA on her dying father.   This new director lady at moms place now have never met and from what I have seen is not worth a dime time to move on gut feeling something could and will happen if not to my mom to another elderly person down there soon.  

am hoping and praying this will be the last move for mom and did not make a mistake since the other place is good as well but the common area is not as nice and darker/gloomier appearance inside and room smaller and the tenants need more care than the 8 unit facility so hopefully the 1 staff member will take mom under her wing and keep her NOT sleeping in her room all day as the owner today assured me would not happen.

I pulled her out of after 3 months her first asst living facility HUGE place some 50+ tenants but did not like the staff members on her wing letting mom sleep day and night all the time and that was 2 years ago when she was able to walk more so with walker vs. wheelchair now and got too stiff and no stimulus from the staff there creating a spiraling effect downhill I think.  sleep, sleep sleep that is all she did day and night there not good.  food was good and that was about all they did out of her room.

I tried to get my older brother involved but he apparently has NO time it seems like so I did the 10+ calls taking off work last Friday as well burning my vacation that had to be used up anyways.

[Gryphon Rider]

I'm glad you're being a faithful son.  I hope the new place works out such that you don't feel the need to move her before her care needs increase.

[cookiedough]

I'm glad you're being a faithful son.  I hope the new place works out such that you don't feel the need to move her before her care needs increase.

me too, but unfortunately I cannot predict the future, wish I could....   

tomorrow christmas going over and giving them notice even if director not there will write a note and slip it under her locked door tomorrow.    New owners of that place moving mom only needs a few days notice just a few things in the room for storage is all, I just have to this coming weekend disassemble the hospital bed from headboard and footbaord, hopefully with my brother since called up medical supply place last Friday and said 2 people come in handy vs. only 1 person.

[cookiedough]

well mom is moved this morning to her new asst. living home, sure hope it will be the last move we have to make.   Spoke (or more like just listened for 30 minutes to her rant being well deserved)  to one of the adult kids in her 60s who has her dad at the old asst. living place mom was in for past 1 1/2 years and she sure wished her 90 year old Dad who grew up there in that small town was not so stubborn wanting to die in the same town he was born in.  She told me she has filed dozens of complaints against them since she is there am sure 2-4 times weekly vs. me once every few weeks there seeing how they are short staffed, poor processed foods being fed, and falls being a lot by her dad (and others)  whom they never reported to her the past few months, just to name a few.  She encouraged me and wants me to file like she did with state of WI several complaints of understaffing which does not meet standards (1 caretaker per every 8 residents only have 1 per every 15 several times I have seen in person past few months)

I have the state of WI number and after mom is settled in,  I really should for not just to spite the owner sitting in an office in Chicago IL having NO clue on how to run an asst. living home by increasing rent 600 per month in rural hicktown asst. living all of a sudden come Jan. 1st 2020 not based much at all about on level of care needs but more to line his pockets is all, but more so for the sake of the existing residents who are not being taken care of like they should past several months in terms of quality of home cooked meals and level of care needs.   Wife has a facebook page alert setup and the past few months every single week there are 2-3 ambulance calls for fallen elderly in that place.  Who knows,  besides heavy fines for understaffing which is easily recorded by having to release payroll records of staff members,  the state of WI could shut them down as well?  That is not what I want though for to have 15 or so elderly residents in a rural community with nowhere to go is not good either. 

Today was first day I met the new, very young, director of the place in the past 6 months there everytime I requested something she twiddled her thumbs even after telling her on the phone this MUST be done NOW after 4 attempts of trying to get what I want easily done in 1 week that needed to be done.   I did not rant and tell her everything that needs fixing (the insane rent increase is owners doing not hers), but the understaffing levels and poor food is her doing but just wanted it all to END so let is slide had enough of that place.  I can sort of see why now the longer time director who ran the place sort of good IMO (but the staff hated her guts thus quitting on her) quit one day NO warning after talking to the owner sitting behind a desk in big town Chicago IL.   

If the owner presses me to pay the rent due for January mom moving today 2 days prior,  since I did not give a full 30 days notice,  he will have about a 3 hour conversation with me about all the issues and will NOT be pretty he will hear me if he wants to see MAD, he will get it, trust me on that and so will the state of WI after they fine him heavily and possibly close the place down on understaffing issues.  I doubt he will, but so called big shots from Chi-town will not scare me one bit, especially since he has NO clue on how to run a business sitting behind a desk 200 miles away.   

I know of 2 families there who want to move as well and if they do both private pay still giving them near double the income per month vs. Medicaid, that place will be hurting for sure.  The owner made his bed by increasing rent absurdly high of 600 more per month totally unjustified, he will have to lay in that bed and possibly in the future shut the place down or sell it at a loss.  OH well, make stupid decisions you get stupid results.  NO longer my problem.