Shoeshine........

[ybnorml]

 The CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located.

He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.

One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director:

- What do you think about the situation in the stock market?

The Director asks in turn arrogantly:

- Why are you so interested in that - that topic?

"I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."

- What your name? –Asks the Director.

- John Smith H.

The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department:

- Do we have a client named John Smith H.?

- Certainly –answers the Customer Service Manager–, he is a highly esteemed customer. He has a million dollars in his account.

The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says:

- Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you.

At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members:

- We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.

Mr. Smith began his story:

- I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple.

I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive.

I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.

Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars

[RonBou]

Good 'un...

[ybnorml]

It was kinda long winded Ron, and I needed to pour another adult beverage and go pee before I finished it !!

[The emperor has no clothes]

It was kinda long winded Ron, and I needed to pour another adult beverage and go pee before I finished it !!

[Oss]

You just reminded me of one of my favorite jokes

The Madam opened the brothel door in New Orleans and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
—“May I help you sir”’ she asked.

—“I want to see Valerie, please,” the man replied.

—“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the Madam.

—“No, Ma’am, I must see Valerie,” he replied with determination.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man. She charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars from his wallet and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After a few hours, the man left calmly.

The next evening, the well-dressed man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was too expensive. There were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After a few hours, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the distinguished customer, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

—The man replied, “Wichita, Kansas”.

—“Really”, she said. “I have family in Wichita.”

—“I know.” the man said. “Your sister died, and I am her attorney.  In her Will she asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.”

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

Death
Taxes
Being screwed by a lawyer

Yeah I am a lawyer................

[Tony C.]

Very funny! Both of the stories.