Last trip to Wal-Mart....

[bassman]

                               A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Wal-Mart


Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog,  and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had a Mule.

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say

[Chrisj CMA]

LMAO

[DDT (12)]

Now that's funny!

DDT

[Bigwolf]

That’s for sure a good one!

[Patrick]

' crazy things to say '


Gee, and I thought you were telling the poor gal a true story.  



I'll have to remember that and go there and buy some dog food. There must be some timing involved in getting in the right lane though. 

[old2soon]

' crazy things to say '


Gee, and I thought you were telling the poor gal a true story.  



I'll have to remember that and go there and buy some dog food. There must be some timing involved in getting in the right lane though. 

              Folks on social insecurity git paid on the 3d and 15th of the month. I personally stay away from wally wurld and aldi on those days. RIDE SAFE.

[The emperor has no clothes]

' crazy things to say '


Gee, and I thought you were telling the poor gal a true story.  



I'll have to remember that and go there and buy some dog food. There must be some timing involved in getting in the right lane though.  .

              Folks on social insecurity git paid on the 3d and 15th of the month. I personally stay away from wally wurld and aldi on those days. RIDE SAFE.

I’m a newbie to it, but mine has been different each month. I got it on the 9th in June, the 12th in August, and I’m supposed to get it the 8th this month.

[Willow]

' crazy things to say '

Gee, and I thought you were telling the poor gal a true story.  

I'll have to remember that and go there and buy some dog food. There must be some timing involved in getting in the right lane though.  .

              Folks on social insecurity git paid on the 3d and 15th of the month. I personally stay away from wally wurld and aldi on those days. RIDE SAFE.

I’m a newbie to it, but mine has been different each month. I got it on the 9th in June, the 12th in August, and I’m supposed to get it the 8th this month.

I get mine on the third Wednesday of each month.  It sounds like you may be the second Tuesday but that would be 11 August.

[Romeo]

I havent a clue when mine shows up. As long as the better half doesn’t complain she can’t make the bills, I figure, why sweat the details.

[scooperhsd]

My MIL's is on the 4th Wednesday for SS.

[John Schmidt]

That story reminds me of the guy that tried the same approach to help quit smoking. Had to quit with the dogfood however, seems every time he tried to lick his balls he fell off the chair.

And now a shameless hack of the post: My ex of over 30 yrs. ago lives a couple miles away, we get along fine and since she no longer can drive due to health issues, I don't mind helping out. A few weeks ago she needed some prescriptions picked up at Walgreens and my/our daughter was occupied to I volunteered. In the drive through, after being handed the bags of scripts I casually asked if it included her oral contraception pills. The girl stopped short for a second, then said let me check her file on the computer. She then looked at the name, noticed it was the same last name as mine, and asked is this your wife. No! Then...."sir, according to her file she's 82 yrs. old, why are you asking about contraception?" I told her "we don't want anymore kids!" The other gal in the background was giggling and said something to her, she then turned to me and asked if I didn't have better things to do with my time. I said no....winked at her and left. The gal has a good memory cuz today I went to Walgreens to get some Coricidin D and it required I get it at the pharmacy window. I walked up and who do you think waited on me?  After taking care of my business, she smirked and asked if I'd like a refill on the contraception meds....then winked. I told her not necessary, I had decided to get a vasectomy instead....then winked back. Everyone wanted to know what was so funny since both of us were cracking up. 

[Jess from VA]

That's funnier than the first joke John.