It's a good thing I'm near perfect !

[The emperor has no clothes]

In the 104 days of my retirement I've discovered a few things I never knew, or overlooked. My wife has a plethora of peculiarities. She squeezes toothpaste from the middle. She only turns on the garbage disposal when it's not needed. She goes to bed at 9 and gets up at 7. She speaks in her own language at times.

I have come to realize my purpose on Earth ! It is not to raise a family as I was thought. It is solely my destiny to straighten her ass out before I die ! I'm not making much headway. 

[Patrick]

I thought all women spoke in their own language. Only they can understand it.

[Rams]

In the 104 days of my retirement I've discovered a few things I never knew, or overlooked. My wife has a plethora of peculiarities. She squeezes toothpaste from the middle. She only turns on the garbage disposal when it's not needed. She goes to bed at 9 and gets up at 7. She speaks in her own language at times.

I have come to realize my purpose on Earth ! It is not to raise a family as I was thought. It is solely my destiny to straighten her ass out before I die ! I'm not making much headway. 

I didn't realize you were anywhere near me. 

I've met and spoken to your wife (although, I doubt she'll remember, she never got my name) we rode a shuttle bus together in WV (I think) but, I will say that you have excellent taste in wives, she's a very nice lady.   Only one thing I can say she's lacking, her taste in men seems slightly off kilter.    No doubt she has a kind heart.

My own wife likes to bring pups home from the shelter and adopts any cat that shows up at our door so, there's some sympathy in all of them.  The only reason I got brought home is she wanted very attractive children which she knew I could help produce.   The evidence is obvious.   


Rams   

[Patrick]

Hmmm, the only reason I got brought home was because someone had to take care of the place.

[Rams]

Hmmm, the only reason I got brought home was because someone had to take care of the place.

I never claimed to have those skills.   

Rams

[cookiedough]

I thought all women spoke in their own language. Only they can understand it.

The misses says to me daily 'did you NOT listen to what I just said' and that is for real...  

Not sure they speak their own language, but more like it goes in my one ear and out the other....

[DirtyDan]

Dad taught me as a kid.......

Wives have two rear ends

One that they sit on

The other they send out to work

Dan

[Patrick]

Dad taught me as a kid.......

Wives have two rear ends

One that they sit on

The other they send out to work

Dan

LOL. I gotta remember that !

[Patrick]

Hmmm, the only reason I got brought home was because someone had to take care of the place.

I never claimed to have those skills.   

Rams

It pays to keep your mouth shut. That seems to be a lesson I've not learned. 

[Jess from VA]

I was near perfect when married.

When my perfection for 26 years (and menopause) made her impossible to live with, I was forced to fire her (at a good deal of cost).

I'm still near perfect, and man things are so nice and peaceful without all the freeking daily drama.

[The emperor has no clothes]

When my perfection for 26 years (and menopause) made her impossible to live with, I was forced to fire her (at a good deal of cost).

That would seem closer to buying out her contract, than a firing. 

[Jess from VA]

Whatever.

People are fond of saying "worth every penny", and I often doubt the truth of that.

But not for buying one's freedom from perpetual misery. 

[Ramie]

I secretly think when my wife things something she believes she said it to me instead of just thought it.  But of course I can't be sure because she chooses to talk to me when I'm concentrating on something and I never here what she says.

[Rams]

I secretly think when my wife things something she believes she said it to me instead of just thought it.  But of course I can't be sure because she chooses to talk to me when I'm concentrating on something and I never here what she says.

This, I can relate to.

Many of you know I used to fly as a test pilot in helicopters, I was also an Artillery Officer for several years and, a infantryman in the Marines.   When I left Uncle Sugar, I went to work in the corrugated box business as a supervisor on a Corrugator, it runs at about 185 decibles.   All occupations not conducive to keeping one's hearing.   As a result, I have a hearing loss.  Mostly in my upper range.

As that applies to conversations with my wife.  Her voice just happens to be in the higher range.   Added to that, she speaks softly and carries a big stick.  She also frequently talks to herself and I'm never sure if she's talking to me or mumbling something to herself and that assumes I even hear it in the first place.   

I usually get into trouble when I say Yes Dear and the answer should have been something different.
Having said all that, I'm lucky she's put up with me for the last 39 years.   Well, that and I'm too old to try and be trained by another. 

Rams

[Patrick]

Yep, they're all the same. Its genetic.

[Oldfishguy]

I have come to realize my purpose on Earth ! It is not to raise a family as I was thought. It is solely my destiny to straighten her ass out before I die ! I'm not making much headway. 

At some point you will realize . . . she has the same goal with you in mind. 

[0leman]

M'Head, having been married to the same woman for nearly 50 years and retired for over 10 years, I have learned to keep my mouth shut about some things.   My hearing like many of us is going down hill so have to ask for a repeat a lot.  Mostly because I wasn't paying attention for the first comment, so needed it repeated.   Just say "yes dear" won't cut it. 

I don't even consider trying to change Her ways, just live with them.   We live in a 2100 sqft home, so it is easy to get in one end while she is in the other.  OR go outside, except for today's smoke, to work in the yard or on Valk.   What I am telling you that distance sometimes helps keep relationships strong.

[The emperor has no clothes]

I've enjoyed all the comments and advice.  Most have been pretty good. But, we've all got to find our own path in life. Mine is evidently to be King of my Castle and Master of my Domain. Be cursed, she will conform to my ways !


(I hope everyone realizes this post and the OP are, and were, meant as self deprecating humor) I love Brenda very much  And she loves being subservient to the King ! 

[vanagon40]

"All men marry up."

Jabba (RIP)

[Jess from VA]

What I am telling you that distance sometimes helps keep relationships strong.

Yes, and preferably at least 50 miles.      (just to be on the safe side)

Maybe not strong, but much quieter.. and peaceful.   

Email is all you need (also much quieter, and mostly peaceful)   

This may not work for everyone.   

[AwesomeDad]

I secretly think when my wife things something she believes she said it to me instead of just thought it.  But of course I can't be sure because she chooses to talk to me when I'm concentrating on something and I never here what she says.

This, I can relate to.

Many of you know I used to fly as a test pilot in helicopters, I was also an Artillery Officer for several years and, a infantryman in the Marines.   When I left Uncle Sugar, I went to work in the corrugated box business as a supervisor on a Corrugator, it runs at about 185 decibles.   All occupations not conducive to keeping one's hearing.   As a result, I have a hearing loss.  Mostly in my upper range.

As that applies to conversations with my wife.  Her voice just happens to be in the higher range.   Added to that, she speaks softly and carries a big stick.  She also frequently talks to herself and I'm never sure if she's talking to me or mumbling something to herself and that assumes I even hear it in the first place.   

I usually get into trouble when I say Yes Dear and the answer should have been something different.
Having said all that, I'm lucky she's put up with me for the last 39 years.   Well, that and I'm too old to try and be trained by another. 

Rams

As a former Marine and currently still a rotor head it’s been medically documented I have trouble with the female frequency...

JJ

[Oss]

I may have mentioned this video before

It saves marriages.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk&feature=kp

We have a "nothing" box   It is one of the Lord's greatest gifts to us  Watch it and laugh.

Oss

and take notes, seriously