How About Some TechiFlu <
http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-techiflu/3207>
Tech Support | Torrance, CA, USA
Customer: “Hi, I had my computer looked at there, and you guys said that it’s running slow because there are probably bugs in it. Well, I sprayed some bug spray in it and now it won’t turn on.”
Me: “Ma’am, when they tell you bugs, they mean computer viruses, not an actual bug.”
Customer: “Well, what can I spray it with to get rid of the viruses?”
The Trim Reaper <
http://notalwaysright.com/the-trim-reaper/3437>
Christmas Tree Farm | Illinois, USA
Customer: “Are these real trees?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “I mean, are they live trees?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “So, we just go cut them down, right?”
Me: “That’s right!”
Customer: “Will it still be a live tree after we cut it down?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but cutting the tree down does mean the tree will die. However, if you water it daily, it should survive until Christmas.”
Customer: “But you said those were live trees!”
Pink Is The New Black <
http://notalwaysright.com/pink-is-the-new-black/3563>
Bookstore | Portland, OR, USA
Caller: “Is this the store that sells those little Christmas trees in different colors? Including the one in black?”
Me: “Yes, it is. Are you interested in one?”
Caller: “No! I want to complain! You’re selling black Christmas trees! That’s satanic!”
Me: “I’m sorry. We sell lots of other colors, too. Pink, purple, neon green, silver.”
Caller: “Your store is owned by the Devil! Black is the color of Satan! You should be ashamed!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We sell many different colors of trees and a lot of customers really like the black tree. I can assure you, it’s just a Christmas tree.”
Caller: “Well, I don’t agree. I think black is satanic! Christmas trees should be green!”
Me: “I understand and will inform our manager of your feelings. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Caller: “Oh, yes…can you put one of those pink Christmas trees on hold for me? I think they’re just so cute!”
Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2 <
http://notalwaysright.com/driving-miss-crazy-part-2/3546>
Police | Wyoming, USA
(We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)
Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”
Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”
Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”
Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving…you are going to cause another accident.”
Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver, how dare you imply that I’m not! I’m just trying to get home, why are you being so rude! I will have your badge, you little b****!”
Me: “Ma’am if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”
Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”
Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”
Driver: “Fine!”
(With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)
Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed!”
