Does a bear sh!t in the woods ?

[The emperor has no clothes]

What happens when you sh!t on a bear in the woods ?

https://www.yahoo.com/news/alaska-woman-using-outhouse-attacked-050220025.html

[Valkorado]

There's a lesson in that story -- for both the bear and the woman.  

(Don't put yourself in a position to be shat upon, and be careful who -- or what -- you sh!t on!)

[J.Mencalice]

What happens when you sh!t on a bear in the woods ?

https://www.yahoo.com/news/alaska-woman-using-outhouse-attacked-050220025.html

I pose the question that if the woods are clear cut where can a bear find a place to crap?

[J.Mencalice]

What happens when you sh!t on a bear in the woods ?

https://www.yahoo.com/news/alaska-woman-using-outhouse-attacked-050220025.html

I pose the question that if the woods are clear cut where can a bear find a place to poop?

In the outhouse of course. 

Wouldn't it need a quarter in the Fairbanks bus depot?

[John Schmidt]

As a kid I grew up learning the requirements of how to build and where to place the outhouse(downhill from the cistern). In the end(pun intended), you want to make it as secure as possible from invading animals and insects....such as wasps. There's a couple places on the male body where you do NOT want to get stung while sitting there peacefully reading the remaining pages of the Sears catalog. Those two areas also happen to be highly exposed and easily attacked, causing simultaneous extreme pain and quick exit....regardless of any possible audience. Obviously that facility was not insect secure, having been built some time prior to my family's arrival. Dad followed my suggestion by installing hinges at the rear of the two-holer, thereby allowing periodic inspection. Re. the "two(or more)-holer" seating arrangement...I've often asked "why?" more than once. How often does a person use an indoor facility while it is occupied by another? Does the extra hole allow one to spread the results more evenly, or is it used in winter to keep each other warm during such events...thereby making it more of a family endeavor...so to speak? I know my Aunt Margaret used to plant certain greenery just outside and within reach if necessary, in case the amount of resources had been depleted to the point one could not complete the "paper work." Just about anything else turned a tender young man's keester into a flaming disaster, causing a dash for the livestock tank where you hung your butt over the edge and splashed cold water on it. You all have heard the expression "rougher than a cob" I'm sure...referring to corncobs. Field corn cobs generally fit into that expression, sweet corn....a bit softer but not without hazards.

How a bear got inside the "drop zone" I don't quite understand, unless you can go back to that old joke about the question of why is there a TV antenna on the roof. I'll not explain since most of our membership have delicate sensibilities. That in itself is hilarious! 

[Jess from VA]

I remember using a flashlight to look down in the big 8 holer outhouses at boy scout camp, and discovering 100s of black widow spiders lived down there.  Sh!tting in the woods took better balance, but seemed much safer (watching out for poison ivy and oak).

Especially with guys throwing M80 firecrackers down there when they were fully occupied after lunchtime. That was funny as hell, but I bet the spiders didn't like it.  

[John Schmidt]

I remember landing at the Cross City, FL airport on my way back to Orlando, I was under "distress in the lower tract" as they used to say about Doan's Pills. That place was more dead than...guess I won't go there. All kinds of derelict planes sitting around basking in the Fla. sun, only saw two cars...one in front of a promising shack with a porch in front. I taxied over and got out, asked if they had BR facilities. No answer, just hooked his thumb inside so off I go...not expecting the Taj Mahal and wasn't disappointed. As I parked myself, I swore I'd never again eat biscuits 'n gravy before a high altitude flight...takes too long to get down and also seemed to be a good source of gaseous emissions at altitude. As I'm sitting there I became aware of rather loud buzzing, not knowing what it was I hurried the mission and upon standing up I saw a huge hornets nest no more than 6" from the hole in the floor next to the ceramic throne. About that time I heard a female voice yell, warning me to not flush the commode....it irritates the hornets. I didn't!

All this reminds me of an old joke about a great hunter doing his business in the woods. He was in the dentist's chair about to have a tooth pulled and told the dr. not to administer novocaine. The dr. warned it was going to be painful but the hunter said it's not the most painful thing he's ever experienced and commenced to tell of a time he relieved himself in the woods. It landed on a hiddne bear trap, causing it to slam shut on his manhood and associated equipment. The dr. squirmed, saying that must have been the most painful thing ever. The hunter said "no, it was when I came to the end of the chain!" 

[0leman]

I still want to know how the bear got under the Outhouse?   

Having spent a lot of days in the woods in various part of our country, I had to relieve myself many times.   I learned early on that carrying the necessary paper work was necessary and not an option.  One learns early on that pine/fir/spruce needles are not replacement for the required paper work. 

Having to stop to relieve oneself in temps below zero in 3' of snow is not fun nor does one take time to complement the status of the world.  Talk about blue balls. 


AND to answer the question "Does a bear $h1tt in the woods" yes they do. 

[ridingron]

I guess they do.