I laughed out loud

[Jess from VA]

Booby traps for thieves can get you in trouble.  Esp lethal booby traps.  

Painful-only are safer (and amusing).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N17siUzjW3I

Then there's the old tie a rope to bike trick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N17siUzjW3I

Then there's the stun gun in the seat trick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX9wHZSRTl0

Bad idea.


I think we've already done the glitter bombs for porch pirates.

[klb]

   Justice well served.

[Jess from VA]

Yes.       Justice and comedy.

But now if I had the rebar ass-poker on my own bicycle, I'd need to be careful and protect my virginity with some kind of reminder system. 

[Bret SD]

YT communists don't like fun.. they deleted two of the videos. Maybe because the stolen __________ videos always seem to feature one race in particular.

I like the cable tied to skateboard vids

[Bret SD]

Let's not try these.  I worked at the largest employer in South Carolina.  An employee had been stealing food from one of the many refrigerators in lunch and break rooms.  One guy got mad after his daily can of Coke was stolen.  This man drilled a hole in the bottom of a Coke, inserted laxative, and closed the hole with a sheet metal screw and epoxy.  A couple of days later, two employees shared the can and became quite ill.  The guy who modified the Coke was found and fired. 

Stealing the Coke was against the rules, but purposely endangering other employees was much more serious.  He probably lost the best job he ever had.

A firefighter friend of mine had the same problem at one of the station's he was working at, another shift kept stealing their frozen meat from the freezer. They ended up using some yet-to-be frozen steaks as toilet paper, then they proceeded to put them in the freezer, somehow those steaks disappeared too.   

[Jess from VA]

At my first Air Force job in Montgomery AL, I brown bagged my lunches (as always), and someone started drinking my little bottles of apple juice. My lunch was not touched.  The fridge was back in the law library at the end of the hall which didn't get used much, and which had it's own outside door that was unlocked all day.  After asking around the office with no admissions, I assumed it was one of the grounds crew from the Maxwell AFB country club federal prison camp guys.  After a small sign on a juice bottle about stealing being illegal failed to work, I twisted off the cap and saved the juice and peed in it (same color).  The very first day, I found the bottle on a library table with one big gulp missing, and a mouthful spit on the floor.  The thieving stopped.  

[Bret SD]

Well, what a person may think is clever can turn out to be against an organization's policy and also against the law.

I'm sure stealing food is also against organization policy and the law, but that didn't stop the thieves.

[Bret SD]

 

At my first Air Force job in Montgomery AL, I brown bagged my lunches (as always), and someone started drinking my little bottles of apple juice. My lunch was not touched.  The fridge was back in the law library at the end of the hall which didn't get used much, and which had it's own outside door that was unlocked all day.  After asking around the office with no admissions, I assumed it was one of the grounds crew from the Maxwell AFB country club federal prison camp guys.  After a small sign on a juice bottle about stealing being illegal failed to work, I twisted off the cap and saved the juice and peed in it (same color).  The very first day, I found the bottle on a library table with one big gulp missing, and a mouthful spit on the floor.  The thieving stopped.   

[Rams]

Well, what a person may think is clever can turn out to be against an organization's policy and also against the law.

I'm sure stealing food is also against organization policy and the law, but that didn't stop the thieves.

While I was Production Manager at a facility, we had the refrigerator thief a few times.   The best one I heard of was when the victim got tired of her snacks being stolen, she baked up some chocolate chip cookies and used exlax (I think) in them.   Regardless, the thief was soon known to all from the obvious signs of distress and bathroom breaks.  

As the enforcement person in the facility, I had to address the crime and the punishment.  One got fired, the other got a three day suspension (even though I hated giving that suspension).    

It wasn't long before, the suspended baker got an opportunity at a promotion.   Can't say how that happened but, she more than made up for the lost pay.   But, her work ethic earned her the opportunity, not her baking.  
And, no one ever bothered her snacks again.   

Rams

[Bret SD]

Well, what a person may think is clever can turn out to be against an organization's policy and also against the law.

I'm sure stealing food is also against organization policy and the law, but that didn't stop the thieves.

In a case of theft, the employee was required to contact his supervisor to start a process involving the Security Department.  The punishment for stealing a Coke might be a documented reprimand and time off without pay. 

Our fired employee broke several rules as he did not contact his supervisor, planned and built a hazard for other employees, and created a workplace injury that was reportable to the Federal Government.  I was part of reporting this to the government.  And the fired employee had to go home and tell his family that he was no longer working.  It was all just a shame.

It certainly was a shame all around, all caused by the a****** who stole the coke. Personally I would have handled it differently.

[Rams]

Well, what a person may think is clever can turn out to be against an organization's policy and also against the law.

I'm sure stealing food is also against organization policy and the law, but that didn't stop the thieves.

In a case of theft, the employee was required to contact his supervisor to start a process involving the Security Department.  The punishment for stealing a Coke might be a documented reprimand and time off without pay.  

Our fired employee broke several rules as he did not contact his supervisor, planned and built a hazard for other employees, and created a workplace injury that was reportable to the Federal Government.  I was part of reporting this to the government.  And the fired employee had to go home and tell his family that he was no longer working.  It was all just a shame.

It certainly was a shame all around, all caused by the a****** who stole the coke. Personally I would have handled it differently.

Yep, a good ass whupping off company property ought to do it.  

Oops, did I just type that?  

Rams   

[The emperor has no clothes]

I would have rather gone hungry than put something in our company refrigerator. Every time I saw it get opened it looked like there were 35 simultaneous science experiments going on.

[Jess from VA]

You could always take in some sardine, anchovy, peanut butter, hot sauce, and pubic hair sandwiches for them to steal. 

There's nothing toxic in that at all.  It's just unappetizing (though some people will eat anything).

Improvise, adapt, overcome.       

[Rams]

I would have rather gone hungry than put something in our company refrigerator. Every time I saw it get opened it looked like there were 35 simultaneous science experiments going on.

Precisely why I detailed an employee every Friday PM to unload and clean the "frig".   Everything was set on the tables and what didn't get taken home was trashed the next work day.   This policy/process was posted at the cafeteria door, on the wall and on the "frig" with union support.

There were a few tupperware type containers  that went into the trash the owning employee didn't want to lose but, they all knew the policy and it stood while I was there.

Rams

[Jess from VA]

I made the rule about no popcorn in the community microwave.

You put popcorn in a microwave for 30 minutes (I didn't but plenty did), it stinks for weeks.   

But our community microwave looked like a Wuhan bat virus lab expirament.

(Me and my office mate got our own, and hid it from everyone else.)

[Serk]

You could always take in some sardine, anchovy, peanut butter, hot sauce, and pubic hair sandwiches for them to steal. 

There's nothing toxic in that at all.  It's just unappetizing (though some people will eat anything).

Improvise, adapt, overcome.       

Had a friend commuting to college almost 100 miles each way, so for study time he'd find a seat in the cafeteria, open a can of sardines and start slurping 'em down.

Suddenly he'd have plenty of space to spread out his study materials and get to business.

[Bret SD]

You could always take in some sardine, anchovy, peanut butter, hot sauce, and pubic hair sandwiches for them to steal. 

There's nothing toxic in that at all.  It's just unappetizing (though some people will eat anything).

Improvise, adapt, overcome.       

Had a friend commuting to college almost 100 miles each way, so for study time he'd find a seat in the cafeteria, open a can of sardines and start slurping 'em down.

Suddenly he'd have plenty of space to spread out his study materials and get to business.

Haha, my girl always complains when I open a can 

[Jess from VA]

In the dorms freshman year, one of our 4man suite, always got his pizzas with double anchovies.  That way he never had to share.

This is the same guy who could clear a room by taking off his shoes.

Just a lovely individual all aorund.