Small Victories...

[DDT (12)]

Small Victories…
 
We happily take them anyway we find them, anywhere and anyhow they might present themselves. And the older we get the more ‘liberal’ we become in our interpretation of events to sometimes painfully extract a modest ‘victory’ out of what might otherwise be thought of as a colossal boo-boo. If you are well along on the path to geezerhood, you most likely already know what I mean here… If you aren’t, then perhaps you would appreciate an illustration…
 
Our girl waited patiently outside while I was lazily standing in the middle of the short line at the Boxcar BBQ… A hole-in-the-wall eatery adjoining the convenience store/gas station near the motel where we would be spending the evening… I was trying to decide between the brisket or pulled pork options before moving on to the equally daunting selections of two sides… The choice of beverage had already been made even before joining those in line ahead of me… sweet tea, of course.
 
I was in no hurry at all; in fact, the brief time available would be a help in the deliberations then underway. We were in Texas, you see, so naturally beef is always an excellent choice and an exceedingly popular one at that… However, I’d grown up on pork and I still have a special fondness for fine swine… especially bacon and BBQ. I went with my first inclination in making the fateful decision and placed my order. Then I moved on to the one regarding potatoes… I’ve grown quite tired of most fries because particularly at odd times of the day, like this one, they are usually leftovers and not so good. Yep, potato salad handily won that debate. Then…
 
Before I’d even seriously begun pondering whether or not to have coleslaw or baked beans, an old familiar annoying rumbling sensation deep within my guts made itself known! OH NO!!! If it turned out to be an SBD, I’d most likely be exposed as the culprit anyway. If it was audibly released, then there would be no doubt. BUT! What if there was even more to it! I agonized and fidgeted nervously as the mystery outcome became increasingly difficult to postpone…
 
I gambled on an ‘early release’ being my best option… I guessed wrong… Since I look my age, I received more looks of sympathy than disgust from the nearby patrons. I even got a faint smile and knowing glance from the older couple just ahead of me in line. It was still embarrassing, though. No, the windows did not rattle nor did any paint peel, it just sounded more like a long trombone note, I'd say, but it still left no doubt as to what had just happened. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? I did what I think most of us usually do and tried to pretend like nothing had happened.
 
The remainder of my dining experience was uneventful, but I deliberately didn’t make eye-contact with anyone after that, either. The BBQ was actually even better than I’d expected, so… not a bust by any means. The tea was particularly good and the potato salad, while not the best, was still more than just OK. Since they were out of coleslaw, I’d skipped the second side, not wanting by then to take a chance on the beans.
 
I finished my meal, picked up a few essential snacks, then our girl and I made our way back to the motel. Upon arrival, I decided it might be wise to have a looksee… and if necessary make a damage assessment. WOW! It had been only a totally dry poot after all! Nope, no skid marks anywhere whatsoever! I was overcome with relief, and I surely felt like celebrating, so I eagerly tore off the wrapper from a Snickers bar… It may not seem like much to most folks, but to this much relieved geezer, that episode proved in the end to be a small victory indeed!
 
DDT

[John Schmidt]

Yup...been there, done that. Thankfully I've not been in a public place more than a couple times in recent years when experiencing such events. What makes it even more difficult for those of us that have undergone treatment in the nether region are the instruments used for ultra-sound pics of one's internal workings. Yes folks, that's where it goes in. Not very big but feels like a barber pole in comparison, and after numerous procedures involving such, control methods & success are somewhat diminished at times. Glad it worked out for you Bruce(pun intended ).

[The emperor has no clothes]

God should have imbued us to lose the sense of embarrassment at an age of say…60 or so. It seems rather mean on his part for us to have gone thru everything we have, yet still feel like a young boy in church. As they say though “that’s above my pay grade”. I’m sure he had his reasons. I am glad he didn’t relieve of us of our smartassedness in our old age. I think if we were the couple ahead of you I would have loudly exclaimed to Brenda how she should be ashamed of herself for doing such a thing in public. 
Thanks for another great story. Most people wouldn’t have told it. Only secure people like us (well, maybe just you)  are willing to.

Pulled pork, potato salad, and a snickers bar to top it off. 

[Valkorado]

Tooting your own horn again, Bruce?

I do relate to your intestinal fartitude -- the joys of victory and agonies of defeat.  It can make life a more interesting challenge at times, to be sure.  I'd recommend trying a well synchronized cough or sneeze to generate some diversionary decibels, but nowadays that may not go over well either...

We trod, and sometimes skid, on.  I ain't too proud to pack extra skivvies and a pack of moist buttcrack wipes nowadays.  Heck, some of those newfangled man diapers have even seemed feasible at times.  Might even consider one of those popup tent outhouses for roadside emergencies.  

I was a Boy Scout, and learned to be prepared.  

[Rams]

Ya know, if the next time you visit your doc, ask him to install a relief valve whistle.   That way all in the area will be forewarned.  Let's face it, when that happens it doesn't do any good to look at someone, point and say couldn't hold that one back huh............   

It never works, I normally blame my wife but she seems to read the look on my face and moves out of range.   Shrug.

Rams 

[..]

Sitting in a toilet stall in a restroom at O'Hare Airport, Chicago.

A movement was afoot but before that I sensed a gas blow off valve was about to pop.

Trying to contain it I did a 30 second High C akin to the sound a bulging cheeked cornet player might emit.

A man in the main body of the restroom said "Dam can you play Dixie on that?"

To which I replied in my best plummy English accent. " If you can hum it I'll give it my best try?"

A few loud chuckles made me realize that I had a small invisible audience and delayed my exiting the stall.

[Jess from VA]

Here I sit, brokenhearted.

Came to sh!t, only farted. 

(Bathroom Poet)

[John Schmidt]

Here I sit, brokenhearted.

Came to sh!t, only farted. 

(Bathroom Poet)

In the far left stall at the Orlando Executive airport was some writing on the inside of the door: "Congratulations, you finally made left seat."   In flying, the left seat is for the captain. 

[Mooskee]

I knew a young lady that moved into a new house. Her dad put a 12 Gauge pump gun in the closet, and told her if someone comes in in the dark just "pump this slide like this. It's kinda like farting; you can cough all you want to, but everybody knows what you did." Then he told her if they don't run when they hear it, shoot them. They are here to do you harm.

[robin]

I' am in tears right and so is Judy ya made my day Bruce Honk on my friend

[Ice]

Bruce,

Sorry for the embarrassment, but damn I just laughed so hard.......

Thanks for sharing without the scent 

[t-man403]

Kind a like the Internet it isn’t it? You know, once you put it out there, well……

[DDT (12)]

I've said it before, and I stand by it... Replies and the comments contained therein sure add to an original post! Thanks everybody for adding your thoughts, anecdotes, and observations... If misery loves company, I'll never be lonely around here! Have I ever mentioned that I just love my life? Well I do! Even the boo-boos and embarrassments add to the total experience, and I'm mighty glad to have made the journey...

Went to see my urologist yesterday... all good so far! So, I reckon this calls for some more road time... I'm heading back out in a few minutes... One more time before we do head out, though, thanks to everyone for your feedback and thoughtful words! See ya soon someplace...

DDT

[..]

I reckon this calls for some more road time... I'm heading back out in a few minutes... One more time before we do head out, though, thanks to everyone for your feedback and thoughtful words! See ya soon someplace...

DDT

 

[Charlie McCready]

Britman's  .."If you can hum it I'll give it my best try?"  was wild !!!  Can you imagine the other guy's response ?