h13man
Member
Posts: 1778
To everything there is an exception.
Indiana NW Central Flatlands
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« Reply #1200 on: June 12, 2025, 07:51:01 AM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1201 on: June 12, 2025, 10:23:30 AM » |
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Mooskee
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« Reply #1202 on: June 23, 2025, 06:29:07 PM » |
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Spring is in the air. Is that a good thing?
Well that depends on the context.
A warm day in March? yes.
Cleaning your ridle? No.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1203 on: June 23, 2025, 07:54:35 PM » |
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There are no Walmarts in Iran....only Targets....
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da prez
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« Reply #1204 on: June 24, 2025, 02:17:55 PM » |
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How did the blond break both legs raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1205 on: June 25, 2025, 11:35:10 AM » |
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To the theif who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops....
Remember....you can hide but you cant run....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1206 on: July 01, 2025, 07:09:17 AM » |
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Responding to a RSVP wedding invitation "Maybe Next Time"....
was not a " politically correct" response....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1207 on: July 01, 2025, 09:07:18 AM » |
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When a woman asks you to guess her weight....
Its like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb...
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1208 on: July 01, 2025, 09:09:46 AM » |
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Did you hear about the town that legalised marijuana but banned alcohol???
The residents were left high and dry....
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15241
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1209 on: July 02, 2025, 04:33:52 PM » |
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Putting an Alka-Seltzer in my mouth and walking into an Aldis super market yelling "the virus has mutated" isn't considered funny.  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1210 on: July 04, 2025, 11:03:19 AM » |
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My cross eyed wife and I just got a divorce....
We just didnt see eye to eye....
Also...I recently found out she was seeing someone on the side.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1211 on: July 04, 2025, 11:21:14 AM » |
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Im writing a book about all the things I ought to be doing.
Im gonna call it my "Oughtobiography"....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1212 on: July 05, 2025, 09:57:41 AM » |
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"Lead me not into Temptation"......
Oh, who am I kidding?.....
Follow me...I know a shortcut....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1213 on: July 06, 2025, 01:49:01 PM » |
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Me and my crosseyed wife are getting a divorce.....we just dont see eye to eye.....
Lately I've been suspecting that she is seeing someone on the side....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1214 on: July 08, 2025, 10:09:00 AM » |
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"DO NOT TOUCH".....must be
One of the scariest tings to read in "Braile"....
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bassman
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« Reply #1215 on: July 08, 2025, 10:27:13 AM » |
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There are no WalMarts in Iran……only Targets.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1216 on: July 10, 2025, 05:54:22 PM » |
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If riding motorcycles gives you short term memory loss.....
Just think what riding motorcycles would do....
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1217 on: July 11, 2025, 12:30:42 PM » |
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Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for impersonating Sting? He turned himself into The Police. Hay  Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1218 on: July 12, 2025, 11:32:52 AM » |
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I've just invented a new game which I'm calling silent tennis. It's just like normal tennis but without the racket.  Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1219 on: July 14, 2025, 11:35:38 AM » |
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Have you heard that noodles are being presented at church instead of wafers? It's a new group of Ramen Catholics. Hay Jimmyt |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1220 on: July 16, 2025, 11:57:13 AM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1221 on: July 16, 2025, 08:46:02 PM » |
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I know that Jesus has the wheel.....
But sometimes I think we offroading...
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« Last Edit: July 18, 2025, 07:16:23 PM by DIGGER »
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1222 on: July 17, 2025, 11:23:11 AM » |
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Animal behavior researchers say the Alpha-posture of a small dog isn't from temperament but from a distinct and stable role they play in a pack. The role of sub-woofer Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1223 on: July 18, 2025, 11:20:31 AM » |
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My Swedish car broke down today. But nobody wants to hear my Saab story. Hay Jimmyt |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1224 on: July 18, 2025, 07:17:20 PM » |
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A lip ring does not make you attractive....
It makes you look like a fish that got away......
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Mooskee
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« Reply #1225 on: July 21, 2025, 09:16:46 AM » |
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I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf.
“Where?” she asked.
“No. Regular”
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1226 on: July 21, 2025, 11:18:44 AM » |
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If a jellyfish stings you, you just need to pee on it. But the main problem is, where do I find this jellyfish again in the ocean? Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1227 on: July 21, 2025, 11:35:46 AM » |
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I've just invented a new game which I'm calling silent tennis. It's just like normal tennis but without the racket. Hay Jimmyt |
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Mooskee
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« Reply #1228 on: July 22, 2025, 01:41:04 PM » |
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A kid moves to Florida and sees a Walmart that also sells trucks. He met the manager and said I need a job. The manager asks, "Have you sold before?” Kid answers “Yes, vacuums in S Dakota.” The manager hires the kid, and the next morning asks the kid “How many customers did you sell to yesterday?” Kid says one. The manager says our people sell 20-25 customers a day and if you don't improve, we’ll have to let you go. How much did you sell the one customer? The kid answers $134,000. The manager asks, “What did you sell?” Kid answers “fishhooks, then a fishing pole, then a fishing boat and the customer says, "I can't pull that large boat with my car.” So, I sold him a new truck and that’s what I sold to my only customer.” The manager says “Wow! How did you do all that selling? Kid says “well, a guy came in asking for tampons for his wife on Friday and I said that sure messes up your weekend, you should go fishing.”
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Mooskee
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« Reply #1229 on: July 22, 2025, 01:57:47 PM » |
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Mooskee
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« Reply #1230 on: July 22, 2025, 01:58:51 PM » |
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15241
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1231 on: July 23, 2025, 07:34:35 AM » |
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Gee...he must live in Wisconsin. And everybody thinks watching the Packers is the favorite pastime up here!  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1232 on: July 23, 2025, 09:38:59 AM » |
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Know why the French like to eat snails?....
They dont like fast foods....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1233 on: July 25, 2025, 07:55:19 AM » |
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I know I have the right to remain silent....
But ohhhhh.....I dont have the ability....
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1234 on: July 25, 2025, 10:10:35 AM » |
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When a kid says "Daddy, I want Mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to talk to your supervisor". Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1235 on: July 25, 2025, 10:11:55 AM » |
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Some of my friends exercise everyday. Meanwhile, I am watching a TV show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor. Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1236 on: July 25, 2025, 10:13:23 AM » |
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Weight loss goal. To be able to trim my toenails and breathe at the same time.  Hay Jimmyt |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1237 on: July 30, 2025, 05:11:44 AM » |
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I dont know about an inner child ...but... I have an
inner idiot that surfaces now and then....
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RP#62
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« Reply #1238 on: July 30, 2025, 10:29:32 AM » |
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 RP |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1239 on: July 30, 2025, 11:19:27 AM » |
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Critics say Botox is too expensive, but i spoke to fifty people who paid for the treatment.. and none of them looked surprised. Hay Jimmyt |
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