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DIGGER
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« Reply #1360 on: January 13, 2026, 06:38:51 AM » |
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Mentally I'm 29,
Humor wise I'm 12,
But physically I'm pretty sure I fought in the Civil War....
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da prez
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« Reply #1361 on: January 19, 2026, 04:23:23 PM » |
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She laid , dying. Husband beside her. She has little time left. I have a confession ,she said. No need , say's the husband. I must ,please hear me. I cheated on you three times. Your two brothers , and your father. Please forgive me. Husband say's , I knew about the affairs , That is why I poisoned you!  da prez |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1362 on: January 20, 2026, 12:46:33 PM » |
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A truckload of super glue crashed on the highway. Traffic was stuck for hours. Hay  Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1363 on: January 20, 2026, 12:54:48 PM » |
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I asked a girl to go out with me but she said that my face looked like the back of a boat. I didn’t reply, but I gave her a stern look. Hay Jimmyt |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1364 on: January 22, 2026, 07:41:47 AM » |
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Hunting....
The most expensive way to get free meat
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da prez
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« Reply #1365 on: January 23, 2026, 07:02:51 AM » |
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Crazy to think,
86 years ago
16 year olds
had the balls
to fight in WWII
and today
16 year olds cry about
having balls
da prez
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Serk
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« Reply #1366 on: January 26, 2026, 06:45:48 AM » |
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My dad was always a "If you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own" sort of man.
Fantastic father.
...terrible air traffic controller though.
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away...  IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1367 on: January 26, 2026, 07:38:36 AM » |
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Did you hear about the guy who married his horse? they have a stable relationship Hay Jimmyt |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1368 on: January 26, 2026, 08:54:02 AM » |
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My daughter and her husband have been having some marital problems....
She just called me and said two crackheads just beat up her husband....
Pisses me off.... I paid 3 of them....
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1369 on: January 26, 2026, 11:23:30 AM » |
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What is a snowman's favorite mexican food? Brrrr-ito Hay Jimmyt |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1370 on: January 27, 2026, 01:37:16 PM » |
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Wife told me I needed to grow up!!....
I was speechless....
Hard to say anything with 9 oreos in your mouth....
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1371 on: February 10, 2026, 12:04:51 PM » |
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What did Snow White say when her photos didn’t show up? Someday my prints will come! Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1372 on: February 10, 2026, 12:05:31 PM » |
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What's it called when a cow spies on you? A steakout. Hay Jimmyt |
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HayHauler
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« Reply #1373 on: February 10, 2026, 12:06:02 PM » |
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What did the man say after finishing his first beer at the Super Bowl party? That's a thirst down! Hay Jimmyt |
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da prez
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« Reply #1374 on: February 11, 2026, 08:14:03 PM » |
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So I stopped in for a well deserved beer. Two large women sat down and started talking. I asked if there accent was from Scotland. Wales , one replied. So , I asked if you two whales were from Scotland.
Luckily , I could outrun them both.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1375 on: February 12, 2026, 11:44:34 AM » |
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Would it hurt the makers of avacados to put a different toy inside?..... I have like...50 wooden balls already...
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da prez
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« Reply #1376 on: February 15, 2026, 06:23:06 AM » |
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So with all this AI in the works ,an artificial arm was created. After he was trained to use it , he goes home and has a couple beers. the arm works great ,beer if drank , can not crushed.
Sees the Vaseline and gets an idea as the wife was not at home. There is a voice activated function.
What the heck . He starts playing with his good hand and when timing is right , switches over and says "jerk off". The scream could be heard for blocks.
da prez
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Serk
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« Reply #1377 on: February 18, 2026, 08:25:22 AM » |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15382
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1378 on: February 18, 2026, 03:58:48 PM » |
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Yeah...does that ever bring back some memories. Voluntold!  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1379 on: February 19, 2026, 10:00:42 PM » |
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If I had $0.50 for every math test I have failed....
I would have $7.45.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1380 on: February 20, 2026, 05:29:29 PM » |
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I once dated a girl who had a twin,
and people always asked how I could tell them apart.
Easy - Alison painted her nails red...and Bob had a beard.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1381 on: February 20, 2026, 05:33:29 PM » |
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Being a man means doing what I want....when I want...
And not having to answer to....
DARN....she is coming!!!
to be continued......
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Serk
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« Reply #1382 on: February 20, 2026, 08:02:40 PM » |
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I once dated a girl who had a twin,
and people always asked how I could tell them apart.
Easy - Alison painted her nails red...and Bob had a beard.
You wouldn't believe the number of people that, after I told them my triplets are Girl, Boy Boy ask "Are they identical?" ...sadly, not a joke. |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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da prez
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« Reply #1383 on: February 21, 2026, 05:55:44 AM » |
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Yes, they are identical except for the girl. da prez |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1384 on: February 25, 2026, 03:46:21 AM » |
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Two men on a small island after their boat sank in the ocean. One was pacing nervously back and forth as the other man layed back relaxing and soaking up the sun. The nervous man asked " are'nt you afraid we are going to die here?"
The second man responded " no...we are not going to die... you see...I make about $100,000 a week and so I tithe $10,000 a week. Believe me.... my pastor is going to find me...."
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da prez
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« Reply #1385 on: February 28, 2026, 05:55:17 AM » |
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So I am going to the polls to see my parents. They have not missed an election since they died .
da prez
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15382
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1386 on: February 28, 2026, 06:41:31 AM » |
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If you put a potato in the microwave and press pizza, when you take it out it's still a potato. That's how genders work!  |
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Challenger
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« Reply #1387 on: February 28, 2026, 07:25:24 AM » |
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If you put a potato in the microwave and press pizza, when you take it out it's still a potato. That's how genders work!  |
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