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Serk
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« Reply #920 on: February 15, 2024, 12:27:56 PM » |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away...  IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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DDT (12)
Member
Posts: 4112
Sometimes ya just gotta go...
Winter Springs, FL - Occasionally...
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« Reply #921 on: February 15, 2024, 12:30:37 PM » |
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Serk, That should do it! I'd say you're on a roll...  DDT (12) |
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Don't just dream it... LIVE IT!
See ya down the road...
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ridingron
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« Reply #922 on: February 15, 2024, 10:26:41 PM » |
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My GF's son-in-law does that every time their's is used. Complains about it sticking and everything in general. I have one that was old when I got it in the early 70's. I have a half dozen or so and a couple corn stick pans. I bought a set of stainless steel pots and pans in the early 90's that included a 9'' s.s. skillet that I can't recall ever using.  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #923 on: February 19, 2024, 01:31:44 PM » |
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I just sold my homing pigeon on ebay for the 22nd time....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #924 on: February 20, 2024, 05:12:25 AM » |
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da prez
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« Reply #925 on: February 22, 2024, 05:43:54 AM » |
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Suicide hot line , Please hold for the next licensed non-English speaking agent. Your call is important to us. If you hang up , you will loose your place in line as calls are sometimes answered in the order they come in. If you do continue with the suicide , please do it before the call is answered as we do not like upsetting our agents. Thank you for calling.
da prez
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #926 on: February 22, 2024, 06:28:56 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #927 on: February 22, 2024, 02:03:28 PM » |
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Sign on a veterenarian marque....What do you call a dog that cant bark?
A hush puppy
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Serk
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« Reply #928 on: February 22, 2024, 06:35:14 PM » |
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Suicide hot line , Please hold for the next licensed non-English speaking agent. Your call is important to us. If you hang up , you will loose your place in line as calls are sometimes answered in the order they come in. If you do continue with the suicide , please do it before the call is answered as we do not like upsetting our agents. Thank you for calling.
da prez
I called the Suicide hot line. It connected me to a call center in Pakistan... ...when I told them I felt suicidal they got excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck... |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #929 on: February 24, 2024, 07:52:46 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #930 on: February 24, 2024, 10:02:09 AM » |
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Tonight we are having Himalayan rabbit stew for supper.
We found himalayin on the road.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #931 on: February 27, 2024, 03:56:40 PM » |
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Got a little jittery today......drove over to the cemetary and as I drove through the gate my GPS blurted out " You have reached your final destination".
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da prez
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« Reply #932 on: February 28, 2024, 08:41:07 AM » |
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So Stanley picks up Marylou for a date to the county fair. They walk there and Stanley asks Marylou what would she like to do.
I want to get weighted.
Stanley looks around and finds a weight and age game. The guy says 110 pounds and 19 years old. Right on.
They go on a couple rides , grab something to eat.
Stanley again asks , what would you like to do now?
Marylou says ,I want to get weighted.
Stanley finds another weight game. 110 pounds and 19 years old.
Stanley takes Marylou home. She is greeted by mom.
How was the date mom asks. Wousey , she replied.
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Serk
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« Reply #933 on: February 28, 2024, 09:31:43 AM » |
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I met an older woman at a bar last night... She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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ridingron
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« Reply #934 on: February 28, 2024, 02:10:06 PM » |
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My wife texted me a selfie of herself in a new dress and asked, "Does this make my butt look big?"
I texted back, "Noo!"
My phone autocorrected my response to, "Moo!"
Please send help!!
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signart
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« Reply #935 on: March 02, 2024, 06:59:17 AM » |
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This duck walks into a bar and keeps ordering drinks until he's sloppy drunk. The bartender finally walks over and says, "How are you going to pay for all these drinks?" Duck says, "Just put it on my bill!"  |
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ridingron
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« Reply #936 on: March 02, 2024, 08:11:13 PM » |
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An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, retired to Texas and Ray had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he bought them and wore them home.
He walked into the house and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looked up from her knitting and gave him the once-over before saying, "Nope."
Frustrated, Ray stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the living room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now?"
Bessie sighed, folded her knitting across her lap and said, “Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yelled, “DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!”
Bessie tried to smother a grin as she replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Ya shoulda bought a hat.”
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DIGGER
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« Reply #937 on: March 05, 2024, 05:56:59 PM » |
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I send flowers "From Steve" to my neighbors wife every Friday night,
then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn
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DIGGER
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« Reply #938 on: March 06, 2024, 01:04:53 PM » |
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We used to have Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.....
Now we have No cash, No hope and No jobs....
Please Lord....dont let Kevin Bacon die....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #939 on: March 06, 2024, 01:29:26 PM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #940 on: March 08, 2024, 05:46:19 PM » |
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Always make sure you have a "significant " other with good credit....
Thats why they are called "Significant" other....SIGN/IF/I/CANT.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #941 on: March 08, 2024, 05:49:43 PM » |
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I have found that answering the door naked deters trick-or-treaters.....oh, here we go again...here come 2 trick-o-treaters dressed as policemen.......
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valkyt6
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« Reply #942 on: March 10, 2024, 02:46:54 PM » |
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A company is introducing glass coffins. Will they be successful? Remains to be seen!  Where does a one-legged waitress work? I-Hop!  What do call a woman with one leg? Eileen What do call a Asian woman with one leg? Irene What do you call a Asian with one foot ? Taiwan shoe |
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #943 on: March 11, 2024, 07:38:53 PM » |
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Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog!  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #944 on: March 12, 2024, 07:09:26 AM » |
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How does a country man spell "Farmer"?.....
"E I E I O"
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DIGGER
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« Reply #945 on: March 12, 2024, 09:30:45 PM » |
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"OPTIMISM" is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat.......
And taking the Tartar Sauce with you.....
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da prez
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« Reply #946 on: March 13, 2024, 05:30:05 AM » |
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I would rather watch Oprah and Hillary in a sex video than a Biden speech.
Sorry , I forgot this was a joke thread.
da prez
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Serk
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« Reply #947 on: March 15, 2024, 09:13:40 AM » |
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This one only applicable on today's date:  |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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Willow
Administrator
Member
Posts: 16590
Excessive comfort breeds weakness. PttP
Olathe, KS
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« Reply #948 on: March 15, 2024, 11:25:50 AM » |
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Ah, the ides of March.  Shouldn't there be more numerous penetrations? |
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« Last Edit: March 15, 2024, 11:27:31 AM by Willow »
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Serk
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« Reply #949 on: March 15, 2024, 11:42:04 AM » |
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Ah, the ides of March. Shouldn't there be more numerous penetrations? People are losing the spirit of the Ides of March, it's not just about stabbing. It's about coming together to stab in groups! |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #950 on: March 15, 2024, 02:48:42 PM » |
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Was it windy by you ?
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #951 on: March 15, 2024, 04:31:00 PM » |
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There is some cussing.. But it really is funny !! https://youtu.be/N0pb9u6ZilAAnd a follow up . LOL https://youtu.be/IGLraM-iJfk?t=164 |
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« Last Edit: March 15, 2024, 04:57:17 PM by LadyDraco »
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #952 on: March 16, 2024, 07:10:57 AM » |
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Great video, that kid is funny and plays that gal perfectly. |
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Willow
Administrator
Member
Posts: 16590
Excessive comfort breeds weakness. PttP
Olathe, KS
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« Reply #953 on: March 17, 2024, 06:37:45 AM » |
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The wee lass calf is drinking from 2 teats now  What!? A two headed calf?  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #954 on: March 18, 2024, 07:20:06 AM » |
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Serk
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« Reply #955 on: March 18, 2024, 10:29:15 AM » |
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A chem-trail believer dies and goes to Heaven and meets God.
They ask "So tell me, what are they really putting in the chemicals they're spraying in chem-trails?"
God replies "Nothing, it's just condensation, contrails, there's no such thing as chem-trails."
The believer, shocked and taken aback exclaims "Wow. I never would have thought the conspiracy goes THIS deep!!!"
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #956 on: March 18, 2024, 04:54:46 PM » |
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Stole from a dear friend , that sent me this....
65-year old woman...priceless! old one but still funny
While on the operating table she had a near death experience...
Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: "I didn't recognize you"!
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #957 on: March 19, 2024, 08:56:58 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #958 on: March 20, 2024, 02:33:28 AM » |
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You know me....if I ever hit the mega lottery....no one around me will be poor...and I mean that....
I will move to a rich neighborhood.....
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« Last Edit: March 20, 2024, 02:38:07 AM by DIGGER »
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ridingron
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« Reply #959 on: March 20, 2024, 05:27:27 PM » |
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Never end a sentence with a preposition!
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is
unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his
doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to
work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian
medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said,
he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a
flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can
only use it once a year. All you have to do is say
'123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and
I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner
has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be
warned - it will not work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers
and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He
showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving
lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her
says, "123." He suddenly becomes more aroused than
anytime in his life -just as the medicine man had
promised.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and
asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence
with a preposition.
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