Happy Holidays, Y'all...

Happy Holidays, Y’all…

I feel something resembling a mild urge (a gentle tug?) to write a bit; however, as is often the case, I can’t think of anything important about which I’m drawn to examine. Oh, to be sure there are plenty of important things going on nowadays upon which to opine, but… you know. So, I guess we’ll just give the ole free-fall technique another tentative shot…

It’s truly not a powerful urge at all: It’s more that I simply have the time and opportunity, so it seems like the thing to do. A potential topic of sorts has just crossed my mind, curiously, but it’s nothing that churns my guts or strongly pulls me to the keyboard with anything approaching zeal or a real urge… It’s just something to do more than anything else, I suppose. Anyway, here goes…

The ‘Christmas’ season is upon us. A time when most folks particularly in western culture spend time and lots of money with family and friends, and it is one of those essential elements in strengthening the bonds of affection, union, and group cohesion. It’s clearly a big-deal tradition in every way.

It’s also something about which most of us have strong beliefs… or at least we’ve been led to embrace that concept. So much so, in fact, we’re also led throughout our lives to expect to have feelings of regret, remorse, or sadness if we are for any reason unable to attend any of the many gatherings to which we’re all expected to show up… or to jump through all the other ‘traditional’ hoops…

I do enjoy the celebration and warmth of such events along with the genuine sharing of love and affection, and I can’t recall ever having experienced even a wee bit of disappointment at having been present for any of the annual ‘roll call’ meals, typically, but also the opening of gifts, the chatter, smiles, laughter, and hugs... Those are joyous gatherings, to be sure, but… Am I anti-social for not thinking of those particular occasions as ‘critical’ in my life? Maybe I’ve become a narcissist or some other ‘ist’ without noticing…?

My first ‘Special Season’ away from family, friends, home and hearth was spent in Camp Casey, Republic of Korea. I was then employed by Uncle Sam’s Army as a teenage warrior, and it was my solemn duty to ‘man the ramparts’ and defend freedom along its frontier. Across the barbed wire boundary lurked the sinister, heathen enemy poised to exploit any sign of weakness on our part, so the requirements of our ‘military obligation’ forced us to replace a joyous tradition with a wary vigil… Always at the ready to kill or be killed… as war could come at any moment! Much weight to burden the tender shoulders of such naïve youngsters…

A funny thing, though, was that being there instead of within the family bosom really didn’t bother me… Sure, I acted like it was a great sacrifice and sad loss, just like all the other youths with whom I shared a Quonset Hut, and I willingly joined the moaning and griping of the ubiquitous melancholy chorus. However, in the privacy of my own thoughts, I hardly even thought of it at all other than to wonder if there was perhaps any meaning to my lack of sadness…?

That season is also a time of great religious significance for many. Having been brought up in a rather religious environment, that importance was not unknown to this confused ‘advanced adolescent’ grappling with all the bewildering uncertainties of ‘who I was’ and ‘how I should be’ in order to fit in. Like the majority of my ‘hootch’ mates, though, I took my ques for religion, custom, most things in fact, from those around me, especially the role models and authority figures, and I obediently behaved as I believed I was expected to.

That holiday season was the first but by no means the only usually special time of year happening that I would miss. Whether in a barracks, office, wilderness location, or motel room, the days came and went without marking, scaring, or even frustrating me. Nope, I was always just fine being on my own, as I would much later in life discover was my ‘natural state’, and for the most part, my preferred condition.

Finding comfort and ease with being away from it all is only half the battle. How are we to offer a coherent explanation of our preference to others who have not even considered it, let alone come to terms with any of it or thought their way through the self-doubt and uncertainty of it all? The typical response I get is ‘that look’… The one where the listener betrays thoughts of serious doubt about my sanity or at best my apparent gaping void when it comes to an awareness of familial love and all that associated stuff.

Most accept on faith there are no obvious psychoses, neuroses, or other cerebral discords producing or impacting my choices. Those who know me best already know that I march to the beat of a different drummer. They respect and acknowledge, usually without genuine understanding though, my need for solitude in which to let my spirit soar while my mind wanders… Situations where the scenery around me constantly changes producing rich encounters with different people, and while my imagination is being stimulated in ways never before explored.

Obviously, traditional holiday event participation and solitary roaming aboard our girl are mutually exclusive pursuits. As I’ve discovered through decades of experience, however, balance is the best way for this still naïve ‘kid’ to have the best of all worlds. Some years I stay home with the kinfolks… Other years, like this one for instance, I wander off… alone…

Another funny thing, I’m never really alone except when I choose to be. Much of the time, it turns out, I’ve simply replaced one set of well-known interactors with another composed of strangers… And that leads me to yet another discovery… Variety truly is a spice of life! Happy holidays to all!!! I’m having a wonderful time…

DDT (12)