DDT (12)
Member
Posts: 4112
Sometimes ya just gotta go...
Winter Springs, FL - Occasionally...
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« on: December 29, 2023, 07:23:27 AM » |
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On Your Mark... Get Set…
Time to assume the starting position for the beginning of another New Year! Some of us will set ambitious, lofty resolutions or have other thoughts about goals or ambitions for the coming opportunities implied by the notion of a new beginning at hand. We all recognize that nothing of the sort is actually taking place, of course, but those thoughts themselves can seem to make it so anyway… sort of.
So much of what happens to us has its origins in the conscious and subconscious layers of our very own minds. Far more than we realize, we do determine to a surprising extent our own destinies.
Positive thoughts, realistic ‘stretch’ objectives and expectations, frequent solid reinforcing self-talk, lots of elbow grease, all combined with the focus and self-discipline to see things through to fulfillment can produce amazing results! Simply reciting platitudes and going through the motions, however, will not get the job done.
Accepting that our own thinking plays a significant role, it’s no stretch at all, then, to recognize that major setbacks to our mental stability and sense of order can disrupt our efforts and ability to keep our eyes on the prize. It is nearly impossible to remain focused, tuned-in, and optimistic when chaos overwhelms us...
Heartache, major loss, a health crisis, large disruptions in the world around us are but a few of the things that can knock us off our game and prevent us from achieving whatever it is that we earnestly seek. Most of those things are beyond our ability to prevent or control, too…
The challenge, it seems to this observer and veteran of life’s ups and downs, is not ‘THAT’ those things happen; rather, it is ‘WHAT’ we choose to do about them. How we react, adjust, and continue forward are the keys to eventually overcoming severe setbacks.
The price for life and happiness is high! Each blessing comes with a cost attached in that the loss of anything precious to us will eventually occur, no matter what we want or how we attempt to ignore that or persuade ourselves otherwise. Even our own lives themselves come with an unavoidable expiration date…
There is no escaping this either. When, for example, we find our soulmate and a deep, loving relationship joyously ensues joining us together, especially for many years, the one who survives when the first passes will experience emotional pain unlike anything previously endured. For the one who passes first of course, everything no matter how good abruptly ends. The tab for that wonderful life-enhancing experience inevitably comes due at some point, and it will be paid.
Throughout our lives we all suffer the pain of loss: Careers, fortunes, possessions, and/or health. The hardest of all, though, are the passings of those we hold most dear, like parents, siblings, other family members, possibly one or more of our own children, peers, close friends… spouses.
Tragedies, to be sure, painful and horribly undesirable happenings to us that can completely derail our forward momentum. But that’s not the end of it. Unless we choose to end it, life will go on. It’s extremely difficult at first to put one foot in front of the other when we first begin to pick ourselves up, but an attempt must be made.
Feelings of profound loss at first dominate our thinking, and the accompanying pain is seemingly unbearable. Perhaps that’s followed by feelings of guilt, as we second guess ourselves as to our record of treatment of that person. Did we let them down in some way or fail to do for or with them all we should have?
Later we might wonder if possibly our one chance at a happy life has now come and gone, leaving us with the prospect of only a painful heartache-filled existence? Then, would I be disloyal to that person if I were to move on? What is a realistic, reasonable ‘grieving period’? Do I risk losing their memory and the goodness of all we shared if I am able to move beyond the depths of my grief?
There are no easy answers or shortcuts to recovery. The pain is real, the sense of permanent loss obvious, and the reality life will henceforth forever be different is undeniable. We all come to terms with that in our own way in our own time.
To the extent we can manage our thinking, though, and we're able to project our focus forward towards what can lie ahead, even through tear-filled eyes at first and with debilitating heartache in the mix always, we can begin to reclaim our ability to help determine what does come next for us.
I’m not recommending this necessarily; I’m simply sharing some of my own choices for coping: When my emotions hold me back because they are too frayed and tender to objectively deal with a loss, I struggle to move thoughts of the recent injury into the background and focus to the extent I’m able on the here and now, plus what I might do next.
I tell myself, “I’m not avoiding the issue, I’m only delaying in-depth consideration, analysis, and critiquing for a better time when I can be more circumspect and logical.” That does NOT alter the loss itself nor relieve the pain! It does allow me to take those first wobbly tentative steps without feeling like I’m failing to keep faith with the loved one just passed.
I think about what I would want for that person had I been the first to depart… Then I assume they would likely want the same for me now… I realize I’m not abandoning their memory or their special place in my heart at all… That I am finally moving in a direction of which they would heartily approve…
I also take a leap of faith in accepting that I can survive this and find a different but worthwhile life down the road. We’re not attempting to mask or suppress any memories here; we’re simply desperately struggling to lessen the pain and debilitating effects of grief.
By the time any of us have made it to adulthood, we already know many of these things, at least to some extent. Considering these things in the abstract versus actually living through them, however, are two totally different experiences!
It reminds me of an injury on the playing field at a football game. For those of us in the bleachers watching, our thought might be, “I hate it for ya, dude… I wonder how this might impact the game?” However, for the poor player being loaded onto a stretcher, it's “Gawd! Please make the pain stop!!!” Same time and place, exact same incident, totally different perspectives entirely.
No words by themselves can change anything for the injured player, of course. However, a well-intentioned reminder of coping possibilities and survivability, along with the probability of relief and better times ahead might be helpful by suggesting 'hope' since thoughts at that instant are most likely focused entirely upon the immediate ordeal with no consideration of the broader picture. In that spirit these comments are offered…
A 'new year' is almost upon us… and with it all the possibilities that represents. I hope for all those reading this that your expectations will be exceeded, and your hopes realized! Knowing that some of you find my writings worth the time and bother to read, one of my own desires is already being met!!! THANK YOU! 'Happy New Year' to us all...
DDT (12)
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