Understanding engineers....it's a joke guys.

[John Schmidt]

Understanding Engineers – One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
 
Understanding Engineers – Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
 
Understanding Engineers – Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper.  Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play forfree anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea.  I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

 
Understanding Engineers – Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons
Civil engineers build targets.
 
Understanding Engineers – Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
 
Understanding Engineers – Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
 
Understanding Engineers – Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.  Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.  I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[fstsix]

      

[Serk]

A Civil Engineer?

...no such thing! 

[Ratdog]

 

[71dartswinger]

Mechanical engineers build weapons...........

 
I just wish I did something with my ME degree like that lol.

[solo1]

    good ones!



I was an associate environmental test engineer at Magnavox Defense Contract Company.

We had a sign over the entrance to our testing lab;  "One Test is worth a Thousand Expert Opinions"

We humbled many project engineers.


One more.  Definition of Value Engineering.   Take out parts until the black box quits working, then put one part back in.

[Daniel Meyer]

Well...talking frogs ARE cool...

[razor]

Although I can't say the bike was a good choice (as an engineer, I would have to have more imformation). But a talking frog IS very cool !! 

[ChromeDome]

Ditto on the Frog! 

[Doc Moose]

Gooduns! 

Retired my pocket protector quite a few years back.

[John Schmidt]

One night...actually morning, about 2:00am, I was cleaning/mopping the offices and general area where my station was, real slow night. I stepped out of that area and leaned the mop against the wall, only to see the handle slowly slide toward the fire alarm as I was walking away. I ran back to grab it and in doing so, I clipped the lid on the alarm....one of those that you lift to set it off. Needless to say, I woke up everyone in the hanger, the supply guy came staggering out with a big cut on his forehead. He had been sleeping on a shelf in one of the steel bins in supply and when the alarm went off he sat bolt upright...hitting his head on a brace. I called the fire station and told them what happened so they called the unit back.

The next day, our resident North American tech reps from their Autonetics Div. were mulling over ideas on how to prevent such a thing from happening again. Obviously they had a lot of time on their hands, the missiles we worked on were fairly trouble free. They came up with a ten page report on what could be done to prevent a recurrence and submitted it to the CO and his pet squirrel...the adjutant(we called him the Green Hornet since he was just out of OCS). The CO presented the different ideas to the squadron at the next muster and asked for comments. I raised my hand and when called on....raised the other hand with a saw in it. I brought the house down without saying a word. The biggest laugh of my entire career was heading up a detail to cut three inches off every broom & mop handle in the place. I later joked with the CO about it, told him I was glad to finally make use of my top secret clearance.

The North American engineers....they didn't find any humor in the final decision, asking what happens when you replace those old brooms and mops. I just pointed to the picture of a hand saw hanging over my bench which someone had framed and hung with great care and flourish.

[Super Santa]

You might submit that story to Readers Digest, 'Humor In Uniform'.

I like it.

[Momz]

I had worked many years in Automotive Validation Labs. I'd have to say the best engineers were the ones that tried to simplify exsisting components and assemblies.

The "newbies" all wanted to impress the higher-ups by concocting complex methods to derive simple solutions and methods. At times costing hundreds of thousands in prototype expedatures.

Fortunately most "newbies" went on to persue other employment opportunities.

[andym]

Hey
Im a Civil Engineer originally from Brookyn NY and if you dont agree Im Civil Im a gonna break u leg, LOL

[czuch]

I work with em all day. Its a wonder some of em are able to function.  One day a guy was walking around with his shoe untied. The third time I saw him I just kneeled down and tied his shoe like you'd do for a three year old. He thanked me and 2 days later came back to have me tie the other one
,,, wait for it,,,,,,,
Because the law of averages stated that the other one would come untied shortly and I did a better job than he did because they allways came undone and mine had stayed.
He had an email with "no-number math" to back up his claim.
Pretty convienient when I need someone to hook up my printer ou unjam my computer though.