Pretty soon I'm going to need a storage unit for all the money coming my way

[..]

Dearest One,

This mail and the classified information contents therein which am
about to reveal to you can either destroy me or make me, depending on
how you receive or take it. I need you to read it carefully to know
the reason and purpose why you should accept this mail from me. I
didn't come to you by chance nor by accident. I have come to you
because your e-mail address has planted you in the innermost part of
my life at this very moment, but before I proceed further I will like
to introduce myself to you.

I am Peter Dangoma, am 26 years old from Kigali in Rwanda.My late
father before his assassination by the Hutu Soldiers during the
Rwandan Genocide which led to his death was a very rich Gold and
Diamond merchant and I am now the only surviving legitimate son left
to inherit his Legacy and Will concerning his wealth of two Metallic
Trunk Boxes.

To my full claims of my late father’s wealth as indicated on the
paragraph 7 of his LAST WILL TESTAMENTARY.

N/B: There is no risk involved, Our sharing ratio is 70/30%. (70 for
me,30 for you).If you are interested, reply and send me your Direct
Mobile Telephone Number for a smooth discussion of this transaction to
you in details. Hence Mr.David Saul who was suppose to receive this
consignment in Dublin Ireland, Was demanding for 40% which I did not
agree on for any reason, and that was why i have to stop the delivery
to him immediately, and search for another Beneficiary who can help me
receive this consignments.

I have decided to offer you 30% of the total fund involve for your
assistance, because that was the former agreement between me and my
late father foreign partner Mr.David Saul, but he later change his
mind because of greed. If you are not interested or see this mail as a
scam, simply delete it and never bother to contact me, For after 72
hours you received this mail and i didn't hear from you. I will assume
you are not interested and then I will proceed to look for someone
else.

This is a clean and straight forward deal, it is safe and risk-free,
as I have already taken care of all necessary steps to ensure a
hitch-free transaction.

Yours sincerely,
Peter Dangoma

[musclehead]

yep, just remember the little people when your counting your millions 

[Doc Moose]

I just couldn't resist replying to this scam for money.  The address was supposedly from a guy that was my frat President way back in undergrad.  I hadn't heard anything from Roger in 5 years.  It sounded a bit too foreign sounding to be him, kinda stilted english.  Roger is much more formal sounding than this bozo.
God know how these scam guys get into some of these mail programs, but it is a good example of why you should strip addys off of mailings that you forward! 

-------------------

Hi,

Hope all is well with you? I am sorry I did not inform you about my trip to UK for a program. I am having some difficulties here now and I need your financial assistance because I was robbed on my way to the hotel, where all my money and some of my valuable things were taken from me, including my phone. I am confused now and I don't know what to do, I have been to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively.
Please can you send me $1,200 so I can make arrangement and return home, as soon as I get home I'll pay you back. I will appreciate whatever you can afford to help me with. Please let me know if you can be of any help?
I currently don't have a phone where I can be reached.
Please let me know immediately.

Roger

-------------------
My reply:


Roger,
 
It is very special hearing from you again.  I hope this finds you well and in good spirits.
 
I have not been well of late.  My health has been failing and the diabetes has taken it's toll.  I had to have a leg amputated along with an arm.  Fortunately, I can still get around with my wheelchair, but I have to watch for cars when I cross the street on the way to the welfare office so I can get my disability check for groceries.  Sunsabitches in cars sometimes honk at me to get outta the way.  But I just flip them off.  I used to take my dog with me, but one day he got hit by a car one day.  It was really sad, he was a good dog and didn't pee on the carpet too much and only crap occasionally.
My wife left me a few years back for some bastard at the welfare office.  She got into a fight over the amount of my check one day with some guy at the office and ended up having an affair with the SOB.  Damn govt workers can go to hell.  She still talks to me on occasion, when she needs money for liquor or cigarettes.  I can't help it, I still love her tho.  Breaks my heart to see her on the corner trying to get business, gutsy old dame, still has a nice rack on her.
My daughter sometimes comes to see me when she's out on parole, but just can't seem to keep outta the joint.  I think she just wants to borrow money or have me watch her kids while she goes out partying.  I can never keep track of her boyfriends name,  I think she is playing me for a fool because she keeps telling me a differnt name.  But at least she still has her dancing job at the club, Cat Noir.  She tells me it's a nice place and she makes good tips and money there.  I think she wears too much makeup tho, hides her best features.  Leroy seems to like it tho. (If that's his real name.)
My other kid has a govt job working for somekind of food outfit, Peanuts, Walnuts, something like that.  They are always wheeling and dealing with the neighborhood groups about something.  She makes good money, but always has to donate it to some guy named Barack somebody.  She wears better clothes than her sister, buys them at the church store, and they cover more.  She lives in a nice flat that hardly ever needs the Orkin guys to visit.  It's only 3 floors up, not bad cause the elevator is broken all the time.
I hope you have a nice vacation in England and took an umbrella.  Limey bastards always got too much rain to deal with.  Make sure the fish and chips don't smell to fishy either.
I'd send ya a coupla bucks, but I'm low on MD20-20, can't spare any change till next month.
Hope you get a good bunk on the steamer coming back across the pond.
Best to ya,
Jay

----------------------

Yeah, the scammer replied and gave an address to mail a money order to in England.  What a twit.

[Raverez]

yep, that's funny. mind if I copy it?

[alph]

are you guys serious?  everyone knows that money grows on trees, so why don't we all have forests in our back yards??

[Doc Moose]

yep, that's funny. mind if I copy it?

Feel free, I had a ball composing it.  Hope it gave you a good laff.