Fun In The Medical Profession

[ChromeDome]

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .
“My wife's  going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -  and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,”. . .  I instructed.  “Yes, they used to be” replied the patient.   
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , 
Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had 
died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed 
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one ?” I asked. “The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it.” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , 
Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?”
After a look of complete confusion she answered “ Why, not for about twenty years - when  my husband was alive.”
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-   
Corvallis , OR


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked “So how's your breakfast this morning?” “ It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the tast” Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , 
Detroit ,


7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting  a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It  was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read ' Keep off the grass.'  Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said ‘Sorry . . . had to  mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
             


AND FINALLY!!

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said “I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard “No doctor  but the song you were whistling was … I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”
Dr. wouldn't submit his name....


1 More!
Baby's First Doctor Visit 
 
This made me laugh out loud.  I hope it will give you a smile!
 
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast-fed” she replied..
“Well, strip down to your waist” the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.”
“I know” she said, “I'm his Grandma,  But I'm glad I came.”
 
 

[Jess from VA]

Good ones.

In HS, I dated an OBGYNs daughter.  One day after school at her house the doc came home laughing, and I asked what was funny. 

He explained a patient he had prescribed vaginal suppositories had come back to his office 10 days later asking that he give her an alternate treatment because.... ' Doc, I'm just having a terrible time getting these things down."

That was amusing. 

[henry 008]

funny stuff!  good seeing you again at fudgie n kits!

[fuzzy2bucks]

Keep em coming!  Haven't heard jokes that good for years.

[solo1]

Here's another one that actually happened when I was an Xray tech at the VA hospital in the fifty's.
We had this woman Veteran that was getting a barium enema. A female RN was placing the enema tip as required when we had a female patient..  Everything went well until the air contrast part where air is injected into the bowel.  Again the nurse placed the enema tip.  However as the radiologist was injecting the air, we heard a very loud squealing in the darkened room, the patient was squirming around,  and no air was showing on the image on the fluoroscope screen.

The radiologist and I looked at each other and the radiologist told the female RN to take another look
The RN said "Oh!" and redid the tip.

It was hard to keep a straight face.   

[ChromeDome]

This was related to me by a co-worker a number of years ago ... and the woman in the story is her mother.

A woman had her annual physical scheduled and after taking a shower she reached under the bathroom sink, grapped the femmine deodarant spray, applied and then set the can on the bathroom the counter. Later, as the doctor was getting ready to perform the pelvic exam, he looked at her and said "Oh, how nice. All dressed up." Well this really got the woman upset but she didn't say anything and when the physical was over she left in quite a upset mood. Later that night as she was explaining the doctor's behaviour to her husband their daughter came in and asked "Why is my hair glitter out on the bathroom counter?" To which the lady's face turned beet red and the husband all most wet himself with laughter.

The lesson learned ... always read the contents before applying.