Humor in Uniform 11/6/2010

[R J]

11/6/2010
While in the 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, KY., my husband would often pass the base mascot, an eagle in a large cage.  The bird’s name, Sergeant Glory, was even engraved on a nearby plaque.  One morning my husband saw Sergeant Glory give his handler a nasty bite while being fed.  The next day a new plaque appeared on the bird’s enclosure.  It read “Private Glory.”
Elsie Dworek

[Jess from VA]

As Area Defense Counsel for Turkey (USAF) in '86-7, I saw a large number of Art. 15 (captain's mast for squids) non-judicial punishments during this period.

My favorite was as follows: (Art 89, UCMJ)

    On such and such a date/time, you were disrespectful to your superior commissioned officer, 2d Lt Newguy, in that you passed flatus toward him.

I had to look flatus up.  I asked "Airman, did you fart at Lt Newguy?" (suppressing giggles)   "Well Sir, I did fart, but I didn't even know the Lt was present at the scene."   "How is that?"  "Well, I was outside the bldg on the metal stairwell, and the Lt was inside the bldg, down the hall."  "Do you have witnesses?"  " Yes Sir, half the squadron was there."

We won that case.  

[RP#62]

The guy that taught me to weld was a crusty old sailor from the WWII era navy.  He was a chief pattern maker.  He was telling me once that when he was a third class, he and his chief got in to a disagreement which culminated in him punching out the chief.  At captains mass the chief smirked at him while he was being chewed out by the skipper, so he punched the chief again.  He didn't say exactly what happened next, only that you have a lot of time to reflect when you're naked and in solitary confinement for a couple of weeks.
-RP

[Jess from VA]

Had another guy come in with an Art 15 for Adultery................. written as, "on such and such a date /time, you did have sex with an unknown woman, not your wife."  Of course, if you turn a 15 down, you will be taken to a court martial on the offense. 

Since Base legal (prosecution) did not know the identity of the "unknown woman" I wondered if they could actually prove their case.  I called them up and asked.  I was told they did not know who the woman was, but if my guy turned the 15 down, they thought they had a better than even chance at conviction.

So I asked my guy what happened and he said he was with another woman in the marital bed when his wife came home unexpectedly, and his paramour went out the first floor bedroom window buck naked, carrying her clothes, and running at high speed across a parking lot (base married housing).  I asked him.."it WAS a woman right?"  He got all indignant and stated " Yes SIR, of course it was a woman, I ain't no ______."   [You cannot be convicted of adultery under the ucmj for sex with another man.... that would be sodomy.]  His wife had a clear view of the unknown woman running away.  Upon reflection, we took the Art 15 and he lost a stripe and some money (and a wife). 

Was pretty funny at the time.