Roast, a little deception

[Willow]

This morning someone came into my office and asked if I had any Diet Dr. Pepper.  I replied in the negative and she said she was out of Diet Coke as well but was hoping to use what I had for a roast.  Nonetheless she said she would be putting a roast in the crock pot for lunch.

You can, I'm sure, imagine how my mouth watered throughout the morning as I thought about one of those oh so tender roasts with vegetables and the potatoes that I really am no longer allowed to eat.

When we arrived at home from morning church services the house was awash in the aroma of lunch.  She came upstairs and told me, "Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.  I just put in a batch of sweet potato fries."

Oh, yum!  I love sweet potato fries.  They almost completely compensate for the memory of mashed potatoes.  I fought off the impulse to snack saving all my appetite for the feast that would soon be before me.

Finally she kicked open the office door and placed a plate of food on my desk.

The meat!  It was white!?  She had roasted some sort of pig flesh.  I was devastated.  I felt cheated, deceived, violated.  It wasn't the roast beef for which I had waited, salivated and fantasized.

It was very edible and a fine midday repast.  I finished the feast with a fullness in my belly and an emptiness in my heart.  I know you can roast a lot of foods, but when a culinary artist says, "I'm preparing a roast," I just automatically assume it's going to be beef.  I guess I am glad it wasn't a plate of toasted peanuts.        

[shortleg]

   What a rip off!
    Shortleg[Dave]

[Gear Jammer]

Mmmmmmm,, pork roast     It don't get no better than that     But I agree, that when she had used the term "roast", I too would have anticipated beef.

[Dave Weaver]

I voted "beef" as that is what I was raised on, but here in my house "roast" is venison with potatoes, onions, and carrots.

[Joe Hummer]

All those that voted DO realize that Motomomma is the master chef in the house??  RIGHT???  And you DO realize that she reads the forum regularly? 

Regardless...for a definition...

Roast:
Roasting is a cooking method that uses dry heat, whether an open flame, oven, or other heat source. Roasting usually causes caramelization or Maillard browning of the surface of the food, which is considered a flavor enhancement.[citation needed] Roasting uses more indirect, diffused heat (as in a oven), and is suitable for slower cooking of meat in a larger, whole piece.[1] Meats and most root and bulb vegetables can be roasted. Any piece of meat, especially red meat, that has been cooked in this fashion is called a roast. In addition, large uncooked cuts of meat are referred to as roasts. Roasting is a much slower method of cooking. A roast joint of meat can take one, two, even three hours to cook - the resulting meat is tender. Also, meats and vegetables prepared in this way are described as "roasted", e.g., roasted chicken or roasted squash.

Meats:
Most meat roasts are large cuts of meat. Many roasts are tied with string prior to roasting, often using the reef knot or, in the more traditional sense, the packer's knot.[3] Tying holds them together during roasting, keeping any stuffing inside, and keeps the roast in a round profile, which promotes even cooking.[4]

Prior to roasting in an oven, meat is generally "browned" by brief exposure to high temperature. This imparts a traditional flavor and color to the roast. Red meats such as beef, lamb, and venison, and certain game birds are often roasted to be "pink" or "rare", meaning that the center of the roast is still red. Due to food safety concerns, this practice is not recommended with pork and poultry. Although there is a growing fashion in some restaurants to serve "rose pork", temperature monitoring of the center of the roast is the only sure way to avoid foodborne disease.[5]

In Britain and Ireland, a roast of meat may be referred to as a joint, or a leg, if it is a leg.

So...while you were disappointed with the type of meat, wasn't the meal exceptional...as usual?  My suggestion would be to rub your belly and thank Momma for another wonderful meal and next time...so you don't get disappointed by another incorrect expectation, ask her when she notifies you that she is cooking a roast, the type of meat...makes for fewer misunderstandings and misplaced expectations.

Oh...I sure hope that you got in the kitchen after and cleaned up the kitchen.  Everyone knows that the the chef does not clean the kitchen after a masterpiece meal is cooked.  Heck...even my kids know this fact. 

Joe

[RoadKill]

Did the Chef understand your affinity towards beef of lack of lust for pork? Both are welcome on MY fork!

[fudgie]

Beef or deer usually here.

[T.P.]

I guess when Lori asked for the can of DR.Pepper for a roast in a crock pot,  I voted for a pork roast. MRS.T.P. however voted for a beef roast.   If Lori would have asked you for a can of sauerkraut from your secret stash you would have known a pork roast correct ?  ???

[GreenLantern57]

Beef,
But I am in the middle of beef country!

Now, if she had asked for a beer! I would have guessed pork.  Unless she said brisket. Then we are back to beef.

[FryeVRCCDS0067]

I voted pork, but for us, roast is almost always venison.

[Willow]

Apparently I won't be eating any warm cooked meals for a while.



Anyone have a spot on your couch for a recovering beefaholic?

[T.P.]

http://community.livejournal.com/what_a_crock/829858.html     

[sheets]

who knows... the wifeunit is "at home" in the kitchen. I don't question anything she doses. Yes, I do the dishes. Yrmv, ...

[John Schmidt]

Apparently I won't be eating any warm cooked meals for a while.



Anyone have a spot on your couch for a recovering beefaholic?

Beef roast done as you describe is one of my favorites and Rita knows it. So, she fixes it about once a month....and I can smell it clear out in the garage. As for the picture of you getting a shave, I showed it to her and she volunteered on one condition; I don't hold her responsible. She cut her son's hair once when a kid and nipped his ear....and that was before she contracted Parkinson's. 

[Willow]

Beef roast done as you describe is one of my favorites and Rita knows it. So, she fixes it about once a month....and I can smell it clear out in the garage. As for the picture of you getting a shave, I showed it to her and she volunteered on one condition; I don't hold her responsible. She cut her son's hair once when a kid and nipped his ear....and that was before she contracted Parkinson's. 

lol!  It's actually a picture of her abusing me while I was helpless in the hospital.

She's actually looking out for my best interest.  Left to my preferences I would have red meat every day.  She keeps trying to find ways to wean me from my bovine loving ways.  She apparently doesn't want to outlive me but I've accepted the inevitable.    

It was really a very good pork roast or at least as good as a pork roast can be.

The sweet potato fries were excellent.    

[Jabba]

A pork roast CAN be very good. Too many people use the loins for it IMO. The loins are too dry and are not the prime cut in my mind. I use the loins when I make BBQ. I'll take a Boston butt or incited ham to roast. And on a wood FIRE is the way to do it.

[R J]

I learned long time ago, when something comes from my wife's mouth, if in doubt, ASK.     On food, 99% of the time I ask question(s).

Only get the skillet on the head a few times lately.   Skillet wasn't handy.

Here is the last time she grabbed for me and I got away.    LOL



and she is just a little woman also.

This is really from my fall last Friday night.   Went down a corner on the wall.  Blood blister from the bottom of the wound to the top of the hand, then 2 more hunks of skin gone.    Also got a knot on my head, and every once in awhile I get up in a dizzy state.

Dr. wants me to see him again Monday for further x-rays of the noggin.

Told him I had a hard head, he said I know that, remember I have to force you normally to get you in here when needed.

PS: Voted beef.

[threevalks]

 I voted pork, my favorite by far.

[~ Timbrwolf]

. ...its true...wimmin are devious.......tricky..cunning...sneaky.......but I digress...


.....on the other hand....anyone who cant tell the difference between the wafting aroma of a nice pot roast.....and pork


.....well.......they get what they deserve

[motomama]

I noticed how my dear Willow failed to mention his dessert.     How many of you would have loved to have a pork ROAST meal followed by my "Death By Chocolate" Cake?  (This is a devils food cake, that has chocolate fudge pudding and chocolate chips in it and drizzled with fudge sauce and then served with homemade chocolate whipped cream) And boy, was it good! 

And how many of you noticed this? 

Finally she kicked open the office door and placed a plate of food on my desk.

Our poor neglected, mistreated and malnourished Willow...I can hear our friend Fiddle Mike playing in the background now... 

[Karen]

I voted beef, because pot roast was a staple in our house growing up, but I would have been pleasantly surprised by the pork, my favorite after squirrel & duck. You obviously were much too careful with the razor, Lori, next time give in to the voices...  And the cake looks wonderful!

[Garfield]

I voted beef, because pot roast was a staple in our house growing up, but I would have been pleasantly surprised by the pork, my favorite after squirrel & duck. You obviously were much too careful with the razor, Lori, next time give in to the voices...  And the cake looks wonderful!

squirrel?

[Jess Tolbirt]

I hate it when i get my taste buds all fired up for something and then when it arrives its something else....

That gif of that horse is just wrong!!!

[bigvalkriefan]

I would sue her for deception and loss of.......something. When someone says roast and nothing else after that, its a given it's beef roast. she's an evil woman!

[Romeo]

Lori, I don't know you or Willow very well, having first met you both at Inzane last summer, but I have got to say, when I look at that cake, well you can be as devious as you want when it comes to calling something a "roast". I can think of only one way to die that would be preferable to "death by chocolate'

[Willow]

I can think of only one way to die that would be preferable to "death by chocolate'

Just so you know that chocolate cake is sugar free (as in suitable for type II diabetics).

In the poetic language of yesteryear the term to die was a euphemism for a euphoric physical experience that occurred in the arms of one's lover.

A dessert described as death by chocolate.  Hmmm?       

[Brad]

I can think of only one way to die that would be preferable to "death by chocolate'

Just so you know that chocolate cake is sugar free (as in suitable for type II diabetics).

In the poetic language of yesteryear the term to die was a euphemism for a euphoric physical experience that occurred in the arms of one's lover.

A dessert described as death by chocolate.  Hmmm?       

geeez, quit your whining, next time she might just serve bologna sandwiches with dry bread.  At restaurants or at home never piss off the cook.     

[Steve K (IA)]

Well, one someone just say's "roast", I think beef.  But pork is always on the menu at our place....more flavorful.  There's nothing better than a properly cooked pork roast.      The only beef we buy is ground.

[hotglue #43]

I vote ............CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!

[hotglue #43]

OK.... after reading this thread.... FB is on the way to the store for a centercut chuck roast, carrots, potatoes, onion......Mmmm  M mmmm Mmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!


BEEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Des]

Oh my -- now I see what the PBJ is all about

Willow Willow -- when you have such a wonderful cook and sweet lady preparing meals for you day in day out --- week after week (not to mention all the meals she's made at the church)  --- have you not learned if she says something and it leaves any area for miscommunicaiton to ask??

Even when I try to surprise Kendall with a meal --- he asks -- what are we dining on tonight?  What's that?  What are you doing with this?

He spent many years dining on nuclear food from a microwave -- he is always very thankful and gracious on anything I put on his plate.  When he's curious he ASKS --- 

wow --- PBJ may be the main course for days to come! 

Good luck my friend!  Sounds like you're going to need it!   

Just so there are no misunderstandings, I thought I would let you know early on.  The menu for this evening's meal is peanut butter and jelly.     

Oh, but I might give you a piece of that chocolate cake for dessert.   
 

[Serk]

She did that to me once... Other than ham and bacon, I'm not a big pork person...

I politely excused myself, hopped on the Valk and went to Whataburger for my daily dose of dead cow...

BTW, if ya' need it we've got a spare bedroom and a microwave, you're welcome to come down to Dallas for a while if ya' need to lay low for a while!

[Cattman]

Glad you enjoyed the pork. I had your roast beef yesterday with the mashed potato's to go with it. No diet cake, but the gooseberry pie was fantastic.   Beef you buy and have processed out of the neighbors pasture is way better than store bought too.

[POPS 57]

BEEF ! it's whats for dinner  

[Scott in Ok]

This morning someone came into my office and asked if I had any Diet Dr. Pepper.  I replied in the negative and she said she was out of Diet Coke as well but was hoping to use what I had for a roast.  Nonetheless she said she would be putting a roast in the crock pot for lunch.

Hmm, I smell a rat.  A crockpot full of fiction.

Everyone knows that Lori is never, and I mean NEVER out of Diet Coke.

(by the way, Roast=Beef)

-Scott

[Black Pearl's Captain]

 
It was really a very good pork roast or at least as good as a pork roast can be.
The sweet potato fries were excellent.     [/i]

Is it just me or does this read like the desperate post of a man who's been C U T O F F T ?

Raymond

[Gunslinger]

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