RETIRE WHERE?

[R J]

Here are some of possible your choices:

 

You can             retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...    

1.  You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.    

2.  You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.  

3.  You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.    

4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.  

5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.  

6.  The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!    

 

OR  

 

You can retire to California where..    

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.  

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.  

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.  

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.  

5.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.  

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.    

OR  


You can retire to New York City where...      

1.  You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .        

2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.      

3.  You think Central Park is "nature."      

4.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.    

5.  You've worn out a car horn. (ed. note if you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.  
 

OR  


You can retire to Wisconsin where...      

1.  You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .      

2.    Halloween costumes fit over parkas.      

3.  You have more than one recipe for casserole.      

4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.      

5.  The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road construction.        

 

OR  


You can retire to the Deep South where...      

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.      

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is  plural.      

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.  

4. Everyone has 2 first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean , Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.      

 

OR  


You can retire to Colorado where...    

1.   You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.    

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.  

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.  

 

OR


You can retire to the Midwest where..     

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.   

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.   

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C"  on the same day.   

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"   

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say,  "It was different!"  


OR


FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.    

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.  

2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.  

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.  

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.  

5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[NiteRiderF6]

I'll take the Deep South; although I wouldn't mind seeing some of that 8 button or less lingere!

[ricoman]

Florida
dinner at 3:15? Oh Yeah
Just how else do you expect to get the early bird special? (and use last week's coupon too)

[MP]

WARM!

[wdvalk]

I will take the Texas hill country any day

[solo1]

Great post RJ.  I don't know how much is true but it sounds reasonable. One thing that is true is that living here in New Haven the mayor does know me and I get buzzed into the inner sanctum of the police side of city hall just by nodding my head at the dispatchers through the glass window.

Us Hoosiers like to b**** at the weather but we tend to live in Indiana just the same.

[Ken Tarver]

ya'll come see us now, ya her'a, when ya git down in a South

[hubcapsc]

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.     

Not just that, but I told my Yankee friend I'd "be there directly", and he thought I was going to stop what I was
doing right then and come straight there ASAP... he was kind of miffed when I finally showed up... 

-Mike

[Bama Red]

Mike, tell him to come South to God's country. He'll  get over it!!!!

[John Schmidt]

Well, I've lived in the Orlando area over 44 yrs. now and about this time of year....I love it. Now, if Mickey the Rat would close up shop and leave town, then I could get from one side of town to the other in under an hour. As for the riding season, it's not really all year long. Today, I was on the bike long enough to get a little burn on my neck and arms, face, etc., but in summer.....fagetaboutit. When the temps and humidity are the same and in the upper 90's or above, that's when our riding season slows waaaay down. You can't walk out to the mailbox and back without needing a shower and change of clothes. That's why in summer, if we can afford it we go north for a few weeks. The a/c never shuts off from May 1 through October 31, often later. But, I've only had to dust the snow off my car three times since I moved here.

[flamingobabe #44]

I still want to retire in western central Arkansas or north eastern Texas....but my love is the Hill Country west, north or south of Austin...taxes are just too high....taxes is not where I want my money to go.....I could take a really good trip on the tax $$$$...

[musclehead]

so about Florida, that was a piece of info I coulda used a few years ago when I bought my house. a FLIPPIN' COUPON really!  I'm heading up to Wisconsin to check out the sexy flannel underwear. 

I was shocked and amazed when I moved to Florida and the road construction they were doing in town 4 years earlier was still going on.

[art]

people don't retire to Oregon that is why I can travel for hours thru the mountains an  not see a single auto an maybe a few motorcycles.The myth is that Oregonians don't welcome outsiders especialy if they are from Ca. but I found that they are some of the nicest people I have ever meet.I have lived in Ma.-Ca. an Az. Or. is the most beautiful state with the mountains ,forest an desert.The weather is tough but the summers are great.Buy the way I am retired for 5 years now an my only regret is that I should have done this 20 years ago

[Michael K (Az.)]

Well, I've lived everywhere that R.J. mentioned plus Or. and Wa. the jokes for the pacific NW. run along the lines of,"web between our toes" due to the massive amounts of rain which is the reason why it's so beautiful! Guess I'm a rolling stone type, don't care where I live and always looking for somewhere new, livin on the edge, know what I mean Vern?

[art]

Don't get me wrong I love Az. but I don't like the heat.I lived in Prescott an had a lot of friends there an made a lot on realestate when I sold out an moved here.The Or forest is great an the roads an good riding.Its not too good for employment but neither is the rest of the country

[Michael K (Az.)]

I'm tryin to come up with a plan to hit the coast in Ca. and take it up to my old stomping grounds, i.e. Lincoln City, Mc Minneville, Salem, Great riding in Oregon for sure!!

[art]

Mike when you do come up here give me a pm at yahoo an we can meet somewhere an talk about my old stomping grounds

[musclehead]

all of a sudden I'm jonesing for a pint of anything from mcmenamins

[Michael K (Az.)]

@ Art:
Will do if I can pull of a summer trip in that direction.
@ Musclehead:
Hey! I used to party after hours with that fella at his first pub when I played at the Red Baron, the restaurant lounge above the Hillsboro Airport terminal. The pub was just down the street. I'll say no more due to statute of limitations issues!



Back when I needed to eat a couple samwiches!!

[Thunderbolt]

you have a very varied past young man. 

[mario]

I will take the Texas hill country any day

+1