This is old but still good.
The Marine Corps found they had too many men and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any one who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.
The men got to choose what those two points would be. The first Marine who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second Marine who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third Marine was a crusty old Gunny who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my d!(k to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Marines had received But the old Gunny insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Gunny to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Gunny's d!(k and began to work back.
Oh Man!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Gunny calmly replied... "Vietnam."
