24 Laws of Golf (non-VRCC & non-Political)

[ChromeDome]

To all my fellow golfers ....past, present & future!

24 Laws of Golf

LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a crappier one is yet to come.  This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the
number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.  Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.  Expensive clubs have  been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play.  If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
 
LAW 6
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of
a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed.  Your Mother in Law does not come  close.

LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water.  See LAW 3.
   
LAW 9
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to
what it really should be.

LAW 10
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.
 
LAW 13:
If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.
   
LAW 14:
It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW 15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17
It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.
     
LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.
 
LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW  20: 
Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
 
LAW  21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.
 
LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
     
LAW  23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW  24:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

[thedon]

Wow, I thought it was only me thinking like that!!!!!

thedon

[Stanley Steamer]

Dohhhhhhhh........I agree with each and EVERY one of these....I have experienced them all!!!..........

[John Schmidt]

Thom, right on target....hate to say!    Reminds me of a few years ago playing with one of my stepsons. We live on a course here in the Orlando area, and #18 has a small ditch running across it which sometimes has water in it. All part of the course drainage system, and it's about 220 yds. out. Twenty five years ago I could drive past it on the fly, as my stepson usually can still. This one day he came up short, bounced once and I watched it go over the edge. When we got to it, there was no water in the ditch...only some soggy grassy junk. My stepson said with bravado; "I can hit it out of there easy, hand me my wedge." I suggested just dropping on the entry side and taking a stroke, but noooooo....he's going to play it out. He takes a mighty swing and I expected the ball to fly high and far, but when the mud and soggy crap settled....the ball had only moved about two feet, and he was covered from head to toe. Undaunted, he took another swing...with much the same results. After three tries, he picked it up and threw it as far as he could toward the green....yelling "fore" as he did so. Fortunately we were riding in his car because he was covered in mud in front and his shoes were full as well. Needless to say, I've not allowed him to live it down.

[Skinhead]

That's why I quit golfing and started riding....

[Sludge]

I dont play golf.  However, I shoot guns quite a bit in competition and I think a remarkably similar set of rules exist in that game as well.

[old2soon]

I don't even play golf and larfed my a$$ off.