An ode of English Plural

[..]

An ode of English Plural

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You  may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
 
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. 
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 
English muffins weren't invented in England. 
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

[solo1]

True!

Reminds me of the executive that had the misfortune to place an order to the Grumman Aircraft Company.

Dear Sirs:

"Consider this letter as an order for two Grumman Gooses"...........no..... "Consider this an order for two Grumman Geese", ...........no..........  "Consider this an order for two Grumman Geeses"..........no.

...

After much thought, the letter ended up like this,

Dear Sirs:

"Consider this letter as an order for ONE Grumman Goose"............................................................... "Oh hell, make it TWO !"

Yeah, old joke, i know!

[Chrisj CMA]

very good (except its boxing RINK), and then there are dialects or regional slangs.  In the south you can go riding ON your car(while in it), but right before you go you are FIXIN to go...you means you and the plural of you is yousins or sometimes youins

If you have a party to go to on Saturday but its not this but the next, then that would be saturday week

In two weeks Judy and I are going to Maui (Hawaii) the pidgeon english over there is a challenge if you are not used to it

[iliveforcurves]

And the plural of you all is all you all.

[Chrisj CMA]

And if you really want some fun....go to England and try speaking your American English to some Brits as they speak the Queens English.....see if you dont have some fun wit dat!

Cars dont have fenders, they have wings but seldom fly
they dont have hoods, they have bonnets and a boot is the trunk
I asked my neigbor if he had a 10mm box wrench.  He said no, but he had a whole wall of ring spanners I could look at.......guess what same thing.lol

Cigaretts are fags

Show up hungry if you get invited over for tea, dont do like I did, eat first thinking you were invited over for TEA.....its supper ok

If you meet a nice girl and you are going to pick her up early to go shopping dont have a heart attack if she says "ok then, knock me up in the morning"  It just means knock on her door (or really give her a ring) I mean call her on the telly (oops) phone that is.......see  how fast you can get in trouble over there.

[RP#62]

Yes, two countries separated by a common language.

I was riding around the countryside somewhere near Alton and saw a sign that said "No Football Coaches".  I wondered what they had against football coaches.  Turned out the road was too small for soccer buses.

Saw signs for "Boot Sales".  That one confused me, I mean, I would have expected it in Texas, but not near Hounslow.  Turns out that at the flea markets, the cars line up and they sell stuff out of the trunk (boot), hence boot sale.

On the motorway, there's no exit signs (they say "wayout") and the overpasses don't say clearance 15' or whatever, they say "max headroom".

-RP

[Big Blue VTX]

That one goes in the SAVE folder.  Thanks,