HUMOR- BOB HOPE

[DIGGER]

BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN

For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents .


And thanks for the memories.


 




ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill.'

ON TURNING 80


'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90


'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100


'I don't feel old. In fact , I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING


'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'



ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR


'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.

ON GOLF


'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS


'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER


'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL


'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'


ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY


'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'


ON HIS SIX BROTHERS


'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'



ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN


'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
 
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

 
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[vanagon40]

Bob Hope on Zombies and Democrats	powered by Aeva

[Hoser]

Bob Hope on Zombies and Democrats

Oner of my all time favorites, Bob, and the punch line.  Hoser 

[donaldcc]

 

 i met him a couple of times in Palm Springs before he died.  a few funny stories with that.  I was always a fan of his!

[R J]

He came to Korea once and put a show on for the Military.  I was in a Evac hospital at the time.

He was funny.    Did I say he was funny.

I was an MP  in San Francisco later in my enlistment, and got to take him around to a couple of the varies military bases one weekend.

He was a great guy in my opinion.

Put him up against Marilyn Monroe, she stunk literally.   She needed a lot of perfume to cover it up.    I don't see how Kennedy could stand the smell.  Maybe he had nose plugs or something, or maybe just Wham, Bam, we won't go there.