For those who have always wondered what an iPod Classic looks like on the inside

Disclaimer: Please do not attempt to duplicate this experiment yourself. Dave in Frisco (TX) does not accept, and will not post, the results of any unsolicited third-party’s experiment to destroy perfectly good and highly useful personal electronics.

If, against the advice of Dave in Frisco (TX), Apple’s warranty department, any insurance coverage you may have, and in spite of any embarrassment or regret that might ensue, you choose to reenact this experiment, the following recommendations must be followed in order to duplicate my results as closely as possible:

Recommendations

1) Thick, heavily insulated gloves should be worn at all times. (Although it is not guaranteed, the experiment may be successful while wearing either thin, summer gloves or no gloves at all.)
2) The use of an iPod remote control must not be used for any purpose. All functions - play, stop, replay, skip forward, and/or volume change - must be performed by hand.
3) No handlebar mount can be involved in any way.
4) No Tank Bag can be involved in any way.
5) The iPod must not be placed inside any pocket (shirt, jacket, pants, leathers, chaps). In fact, the iPod should not even be clipped securely to the outside of a front pants pocket in a vertical orientation. For best results, the iPod should be clipped to the top seam of leathers on the right thigh so it can stealthily slide toward a horizontal orientation.

Note: Failure to follow any or all of recommendations 2-5 mentioned above will ensure your experiment will fail.

Experiment Instructions

1. Wait for a chilly evening and layer up
2. Go ride your Valkyrie – preferably to a DFW VRCC meeting at least 30 miles from home
3. Enjoy the company and conversation, then adjourn
4. Layer up again
5. Place earphones in ears and drop earphone cable through riding jacket.
6. Connect earphone cable to iPod and clip iPod on top right seam of leather chaps
7. Fire up your Valkyrie and hit shuffle songs on the iPod (For best results, lift leather flap on iPod front to hit skip forward several times during the ride home. This must be performed with your left hand while maintaining throttle control.)
8. Find a really dark stretch of highway 121 in Lewisville – really dark – and be traveling at between 70 & 75mph
9. Take your left hand off the grip, reach toward your right thigh to lift the iPod case’s leather flap to hit skip forward again and marvel at how fast your brain can transition from “What happened to the music?” to “Oh BLANK!”
10. Pull onto the shoulder while simultaneously hoping it just landed and slid, doesn’t get run over before you get to it, and realizing your flashlight in on your other bike
11. Being very careful while wearing black boots, black leather chaps, black riding jacket (w/some yellow and reflective piping), and black helmet, slowly work your way back up the road bit by bit using only the headlights of oncoming traffic and your yellow-lens riding glasses to scan the road surface.
12. Once the subject iPod is located, wait until there is no traffic coming until entering the roadway to retrieve (what’s left of) your iPod Note: To minimize the time spent locating the iPod, be sure to look for the flapping of the leather case’s front flap in the wind created by the passing vehicles because the overall height of an iPod is approximately the same as those bleeping reflector tiles used to define the lanes.
13. Grumble to yourself all the way home and for several days thereafter