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alph
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« on: August 31, 2009, 11:22:05 PM » |
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On the 13th of August I found out that my father has terminal lung/bone/and liver cancer.
I’m totally numb with it all. My father is 77 and feels that he’s lived a good life and doesn’t want to suffer anymore. He’s given up.
We went to visit him last week at his home in Chandler AZ. Basically said our good-byes. He’s not supposed to die yet. He’s supposed to take care of my mother who has Alzheimer's. She’s supposed to die first. They’re both 1700 miles away and there’s nothing I can do to help.
I know that there are a lot of other people that have gone through worse then this, so how did they handle it? What did they do?
About a month ago they had a blow out on the interstate driving at 80mph. Sometimes I think they both should have died then, but if that had happened I wouldn’t have been able to hug him for one last time. Worse yet, they might have been terribly injured and lived!
Things finally started to be so nice for them, money was good, my fathers fruit trees were bringing him excellent fruit (took ten years) they thought they had pretty good health, now this.
My father lived an exciting life. I can’t think of very many people that have done the things my fathers done. Not very many people will die 6000 miles from were they were born. Not very many people will be able to retire at age 55 as he did with only a 3rd grade education. Owned his own business, worked construction in Chicago for 23 years pouring thousands of yards of cement! He pretty much fought for everything he’s ever gotten. Not bad for an immigrant migrant farm worker from Italy. Not bad at all!
I’m going to miss my father dearly.
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Promote world peace, ban all religion. Ride Safe, Ride Often!!   |
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Black Dog
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Posts: 2606
VRCC # 7111
Merton Wisconsin 53029
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« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2009, 12:50:28 AM » |
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Sounds like he's a good man, and the world is a better place because of him...
Make sure he knows you love him, and accept his choice.
Sorry for what you (and he) are going through.
Black Dog
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Just when the highway straightened out for a mile And I was thinkin' I'd just cruise for a while A fork in the road brought a new episode Don't you know... Conform, go crazy, or ride a motorcycle...  |
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Thunderbolt
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« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2009, 04:08:31 AM » |
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It has not been easy, I still think of him daily. My Mom is 88 and is still able to take care of herself right now. I feel blessed to still have her. I hope you find the strength to continue.
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RTaz
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Posts: 1319
Michigan...Home of InZane X -XI
Oscoda, Michigan
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« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2009, 04:30:24 AM » |
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wow alph that's sucks....you will definitely be in our thoughts and prayers....
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hubcapsc
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Posts: 16781
upstate
South Carolina
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« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2009, 04:32:29 AM » |
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I know that there are a lot of other people that have gone through worse then this, so how
did they handle it? What did they do?
I numbly participated in my mother's care, she was only 50 miles away. There were many of us
taking care of her, I fell into the routine of taking each Wednesday off and making the rounds
of different hospitals and pharmacies to obtain all the different prescriptions she needed, keeping
an inventory of it all and keeping each compartment of the "pill scheduling container" filled with
the right stuff... at the same time my father-in-law was dying of cancer, and my wife was being
diagnosed with a serious illness.
I'm a lot closer to God now. Life is a roller coaster, hang on...
-Mike
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solo1
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« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2009, 04:40:14 AM » |
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Alph, You'll be in my prayers.
I lost my wife of 46 years awhile back and was her caretaker for two years. She had been in Intensive Care four times. At her last hospital stay I was walking back with our pastor to visit her and I asked my pastor what people do in those conditions who don't believe in God.
During those difficult times, I named my Valkyrie "Emanuel" (God With Us) because he was.
Wayne, solo1
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Robert
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« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2009, 04:41:17 AM » |
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Few have ever gotten out of this world alive. My mother passed away a few years ago and I still miss her, but I know that I will see her when I get to heaven and we will both celebrate. Make sure there are no regrets now, questions, doubts even childhood experiences talk about them because he has your history of what has happened in your life. Apologize for the times you may not have been at your best and tell them how much you love them. My mother stood by me in some pretty difficult times and believed in me I wanted her to know how much I appreciated that and told her so. Its kinda like if you could tell someone one thing and only one thing and you would never see them again what would you tell them? God has a plan and purpose for everyone's life and there is the time that He has allotted for each. If its early pray for him don't let the enemy take whats not his.
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
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ArmyValker
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« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2009, 11:30:12 AM » |
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On the 13th of August I found out that my father has terminal lung/bone/and liver cancer.
I’m totally numb with it all. My father is 77 and feels that he’s lived a good life and doesn’t want to suffer anymore. He’s given up.
We went to visit him last week at his home in Chandler AZ. Basically said our good-byes. He’s not supposed to die yet. He’s supposed to take care of my mother who has Alzheimer's. She’s supposed to die first. They’re both 1700 miles away and there’s nothing I can do to help.
I know that there are a lot of other people that have gone through worse then this, so how did they handle it? What did they do?
About a month ago they had a blow out on the interstate driving at 80mph. Sometimes I think they both should have died then, but if that had happened I wouldn’t have been able to hug him for one last time. Worse yet, they might have been terribly injured and lived!
Things finally started to be so nice for them, money was good, my fathers fruit trees were bringing him excellent fruit (took ten years) they thought they had pretty good health, now this.
My father lived an exciting life. I can’t think of very many people that have done the things my fathers done. Not very many people will die 6000 miles from were they were born. Not very many people will be able to retire at age 55 as he did with only a 3rd grade education. Owned his own business, worked construction in Chicago for 23 years pouring thousands of yards of cement! He pretty much fought for everything he’s ever gotten. Not bad for an immigrant migrant farm worker from Italy. Not bad at all!
I’m going to miss my father dearly.
I'm really sorry Alph. You are lucky to have had your father as long as you have, but I know there is nothing harder than losing someone you love. I am in a similar situation and just know you aren't the only one watching helplessly from afar. I will pray for your Father, your Mother, and of course, you. |
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Westernbiker
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Posts: 1464
1st Place Street Kings National Cruiser Class
Phoenix
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« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2009, 12:01:20 PM » |
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My prayers and heart goes out to you and yours! Lost my mom many years ago and it was hard on me as I was the baby of the family and was very close to her. But they say the Lord never gives you more than you can handle. Alph......it will not be easy and I'm sure it is not now.....BUT.....you will get through this! Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Westernbiker
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![](http://weathersticker.wunderground.com/weathersticker/miniStates/language/www/US/AZ/Phoenix.gif") May the Lord always ride two up with you! |
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sugarbee
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« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2009, 01:41:48 PM » |
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I am sorry to hear this, alph. I wish I knew what to say...
Your dad sounds like someone I would like, a lot....an honest man, a hard working man, a man who always took care of his family...
I will be thinking of you and yours in the days ahead. Take care
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Scott in Ok
Chief Worker Ant
Administrator
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Posts: 1157
Oklahoma City, Ok
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« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2009, 03:20:22 PM » |
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alph, My father passed away a year ago, this last June. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and had surgery to remove the tumor in June of 2007. Almost 1 year to the day, he passed away from cancer that had spread throughout his abdomen. He was 66 years old, and had only retired from his more than 40 year career as a High School Principal a month earlier. I know what you are going through, and my prayer is that you will find peace in your heart when the time comes. -Scott |
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers!
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bludragon
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« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2009, 04:22:12 PM » |
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Alph,
Be strong and make sure to mend broken bridges.
I lost my parents when I was eight years old. Both of them in a period of four months
All I wish is that my children survive me.
Life is a continuous challenge and this board has thought me a lot about the challenges of life
Be brave and make absolutely sure he knows you love him
My prayers are with you and your father
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Skinhead
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Posts: 8727
J. A. B. O. A.
Troy, MI
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« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2009, 04:34:51 PM » |
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Alph,
Don't believe we've met, but i feel your pain, Lost my Dad a few years back and miss him. Fortunately i come from a large family and there are still five of kids in the 'burgh to look after my Mom. I'm 300 miles away but got to see her last week. Nothing i can say can make things better, hang in there and will keep your family in my prayers.
If i had a wish, it would be no more cancer, ever.
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buffalobill
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« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2009, 05:08:54 PM » |
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Alph,
My heart goes out to you. I lost my Mom a few years back. She meant everything to me as she raised us 6 kids without a husband. We were somewhere between broke and busted, yet she kept us from having to be split up. Like your Dad, she busted her A__ working 3 jobs to make it work. I sense your emotion, espescially being a distance from him. I was there at her side when she breathed her last. I was the last one who spoke to her that night. I miss her. I will be praying for you and yours. It still hurts today, but death loses its sting if you remember them often.
Peace to you,
buffalobill
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Romans 8:18
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RoadKill
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« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2009, 05:56:44 PM » |
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You have to think...what would you do in his situation? could you be as strong as he ? Ask him to help you be that strong...that is what fathers do! He is already showing you.. "My father is 77 and feels that he’s lived a good life and doesn’t want to suffer anymore."
Live a good life yourself and KNOW you have lived a good life as well.Start now because none of us know what the future is. Just do your best to make him as proud of you as you obviously are of him. That way you know you will be together again.
May God Bless you both during these hard times.
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Dogg
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« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2009, 06:05:06 PM » |
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Alph, I offer my prayers to help you through this time. Like many, I've been there and losing someone that close and important is very hard, indeed. Being so far away and feeling helpless is something you have no control over. I found that, after losing my Dad, as hard as it was, I put the thought of losing him aside because I wanted to focus on the good things in life, the last 16 months were a blessing to me and I used all my heart and will to keep my mind and heart there. I smiled alot because we ate more in those 16 months than we did together in our whole lifetime.  We had a great relationship that had always been very rocky and unsettled. Forgiving and focusing on the GOOD things make the whole experience not so bad to deal with...yes the pain is still there, but I just always redirect it to the lunch at roy rogers or the lunch at mediterranian diner.lol Hell, I still laugh at those.lol |
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Gear Jammer
Member
Posts: 3074
Yeah,,,,,It's a HEMI
Magnolia, Texas
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« Reply #16 on: September 02, 2009, 04:46:17 PM » |
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 We wish you the best during this ordeal in your lives.
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 "The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living. |
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