John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15220
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« on: September 08, 2009, 06:14:00 PM » |
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It's my wife's former husband and father to her three kids...2 boys and a girl, age 42-50. They're great kids, I treat them as my own though we don't get to see them much more often than I get to see my own girls who are in the same age range....41-51. The kids are really tore up about their dad's passing, even though it's a blessing. He's been in poor health for the last few years and took a turn for the worse overnight. My wife was a bit hesitant about talking to me about his funeral this weekend in Ohio, but I know she wants to go. I told her I have absolutely no problem with that, I would expect the same from her with my first wife, we were together 31 years and she gave me four beautiful daughters. If she were to pass, I also would have some emotional times with it...same as my present wife is with her former.
As for the kids, I told each one that there is no way I can take the place of their father, I wouldn't even try. But I can try to fill the void when needed if they will let me. I was divorced for over seven years, and their mother and I have been together 20 years so the kids know me quite well. As a result, their response was almost overwhelming, both the boys...men...became quite emotional, all they could say was "thank-you." The daughter was almost speechless, but we talked later in the day. When asked if I was going to the service, I suggested it might be inappropriate. All, including their mother, disagreed, saying I've been a family member for 20 years and their dad also thought a great deal of me. That blew me away, but we have spent some time together and he was quite a nice fellow. I never asked the reasons for their separation and it has never been offered. I hope things don't get too complicated for me with his current wife's family, I've only met his wife, and that elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
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Gear Jammer
Member
Posts: 3074
Yeah,,,,,It's a HEMI
Magnolia, Texas
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« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2009, 06:33:38 PM » |
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It sounds as if your stepchildren have their heads screwed on pretty straight. I'd consider doing as they request vis a vis attending their father's service.  |
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 "The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living. |
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HotRod
Member
Posts: 909
2001 I/S First one was a 1999 I/S
Henderson, NV
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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2009, 06:39:03 PM » |
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It would not be inappropriate by any means, you would bu paying your respects like you would for anyone you knew.
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Michael K (Az.)
Member
Posts: 2471
"You have to admire a healthy tomatillo!"
Glendale, AZ
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« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2009, 07:00:13 PM » |
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You and Rita are in my thoughts.
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"I'd never join a club that would have me as a member!" G.Marx  |
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15220
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2009, 07:08:28 PM » |
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You and Rita are in my thoughts.
How come you moved so far away?  Even though Rita and her former husband haven't been together for over 25 years, there obviously is still an attachment there, same as with my ex and me. I guess it boils down to there being a lot of history between all concerned, you just can't turn your back on such things. |
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R J
Member
Posts: 13380
DS-0009 ...... # 173
Des Moines, IA
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« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2009, 07:15:33 PM » |
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You said her kids, were blown away by your statement...... Wake up my man, they consider you their dad.........
That means they would love to have their (Step) Dad at the funeral for moral support..................................
So, get off ur butt, take your wife and her kids to the funeral as any loving husband/father would do. step or non-step.
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Duckwheat
Guest
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« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2009, 09:16:34 PM » |
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That is an amazing family that your wife and you have crafted. I think you should go and enjoy the work everyone has done to produce a bunch of mentally healthy people. You do not realize how rare that is. Do not miss an oppotunity to enjoy the fruits of your efforts.
DW, impressed and touched in Idaho.
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Charlie McCready
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« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2009, 09:24:45 PM » |
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John, I've met my wife's ex and think a lot of him. He can build a wild CB radio (for a motorcycle)!!! Now, my ex is a different story.....Re: the elevator thing. Sounds like the kids want you there...............Go, you won't be sorry. They'll love you more for it. And I extend my condolences to the entire family.
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Bigdog
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« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2009, 04:14:04 AM » |
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I agree GO , at times like this emotions are high and any acts of kindness are hightened the kids will appreciate it more than you know. Been there done that!!!!!! Remember your doing it for them..and they know that......
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This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it or their revolutionary right to dismember it or overthrow it." -- Abraham Lincoln, 4 April 1861
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15220
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2009, 05:55:30 AM » |
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My wife's health will make a trip to Ohio a difficult one for her. But, if she decides to make the trip anyway...which I'm sure she will, I'll be at her side throughout. She told me the kids asked if I was going to be there, I had already told her I would so she passed it on. It will be a time for "family" no doubt, I'm honored that they feel I'm part of it.
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