A number of years ago, maybe around 14 or so, my youngest and family lived in Mobile, AL. Come T'giving she wanted all her sisters and associated family to come there for the holiday, so we all took her up on her invite. Think about it....the four sisters and their kids, many of whom still lived at home, we had a houseful and the place was full of laughter. It also turned out to be one of the last times all four of my girls were together....and alive. My daughter Toni had left the now thawed bird laying naked on the counter, getting ready to prep it for cooking. Was a huge bird, laying there on its back with legs sticking out and the giblets and neck laying next to it. Whereupon my #2 gal, Tari, decided to have some fun with it so stuck the neck into the opening of the turkey and positioned it so it was sticking out up from between the legs. She then called her sisters to the kitchen and told Toni she had mistakenly bought a male bird. Much giggling followed when Tari became aware her 16 yr. old son Chris was trying to peek around the corner to see what all the fuss was about. She promptly told him to scoot, it wasn't for him to see due to his age. Another sister grabbed the phone and said she was going to call the 800 # for advice on what to do with the "appendage." Acting like she's dialing and talking to someone, she's speaking loud enough for Chris to hear and his eyes sorta bugged when she said "ok, all I have to do is cut it off and use it to make gravy?" Then hung up! Tari grabs a huge knife and commences to make a big deal out of the "removal" process, a ceremony that would have made Lorena Bobbitt proud.
With a flourish and a vocalized sucking sound, she supposedly removed the offending body part. Keep in mind, Chris is still standing just around the corner and grabbing a peek at every opportunity. After removal, Tari walks over next to the area where Chris is hiding behind and announces to her sisters "I can make some great gravy out of this." With that, the bird was prepped and placed into the oven.
Fast forward a few hours and we're all sitting down for the big feast. Across from me is Tari and her son Chris, the curious 16 yr. old. When the homemade mashed potatoes came through, Chris loaded up on them and asked for the butter. When his back was turned, Tari slopped on a bunch of her "special" gravy. When Chris looked back the kid actually turned white, then yelled at his mother about putting all that foul gravy on his plate and on and on he went. He almost broke his arm trying to get away from the table, headed for the bathroom where try as he would, he couldn't get sick. His three younger sisters had more than a few words of ridicule for his benefit, probably an interesting trip home for them.
Earlier while the bird was still on the counter and had the appendage still in place, at one point all my girls walked into the adjoining laundry room so as to give Chris a chance. All their conversation was loud enough for him to hear and as soon as they walked out, he sneeked in for a look. He took one look at the bird, gulped, put his hand over his mouth and hurried away. All the while, the girls were watching him through the crack of the door at the hinged side. It was after that is when they did the phoney call and the removal ceremony....all for Chris's benefit. Now around 30 yrs. old, Chris still gets razed about it....mostly by his three younger sisters, but grandpa here still gets his licks in. I doubt he'll ever live it down, not with a family that size.....and I'm sitll alive.
