Some non political older folks humor.

[Pete]

I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you're over seventy..............who cares?
**********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.�;
I said, if I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you're over seventy..............who cares?
**********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you're over seventy...............who cares?
**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you're over seventy..........who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember we do not quit playing because we grow old.... we grow old because we quit playing"

[Westernbiker]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those were EXCELLENT!!!!!
Needed a good laugh this morning
Thanks for posting 

[DirtyDan]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those were EXCELLENT!!!!!
Needed a good laugh this morning
Thanks for posting 

What he said

 

Dan

[old2soon]

               ONLY downside I iz aware of wuz snortin hot coffee outin my nose BUT when yer over 70 who cares?  RIDE SAFE.

[bassman]

 

[f6john]

When I read the title I almost past on by and then I realized, that’s me! They were good too 

[bscrive]

Those were great.  I needed a good laugh like that. 

[John Schmidt]

Yup, good ones....and I also needed a good chuckle today. So far the day has really sucked and this helped put it on a different track.

Now, to add to the "old folks humor" why don't we keep this string going. Beats the heck out of political crap. My offering:

An elderly couple were sitting in a restaurant, holding hands across the table and whispering back and forth various "sweet nothings" to each other. Everyone in the place were watching, somewhat enamoured by the affection shown. The waitress finally delivered their meals and the husband immediately dived in as his wife patiently sat and waited....not touching her own plate. The waitress noticed that and asked if there was something wrong with the meal, offering to give her another choice. The little lady just smiled sweetly and told her there was nothing wrong with the meal, she was just waiting for her husband to finish eating so she could have her turn with the teeth. 

[Jess from VA]

 A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'



A woman on the phone to her friend; I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising…. I decided to take and aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

[DIGGER]

A guy went to the doctor feeling bad .  Doc ran tests.   Doc told him "you got major problems.   You have yellow fever, typhoid fever, pnemonia, cancer, aids, herpes, and gonorhea."   Guy says "Dang Doc....how are you going to help me?"    Doc says "First thing we are going to do is put you in Isolation, and put you on a diet of Pancakes and flounder."    Guy says "Will that cure me?" Doc says "No, it's the only thing we can slide under the door."

[JimBob]

This guy’s been at the bar, drinking beer, for quite a while.
Finally he gets up and wobbles his way into the (one-holer) restroom.
After a few minutes, there is a shout from inside, then silence.
Everyone in the bar looks for a few seconds, then they go back to their conversations.
Another shout from inside the restroom. The place goes quiet, then conversations resume.
A third shout from the restroom.
The bartender walks over to the restroom door, knocks, and says “You OK in there?”
A voice from inside replies “Every time I try to flush the commode, something squeezes the Hell out of my balls!”
Everyone in the place starts shaking their head, and the bartender replies:
“You Dumb Ass, you’re sitting on the Mop Bucket!”