Today this picture is two years old.

[Willow]

Well, technically the picture will be two years old tomorrow, but the incident to which the image points was two years ago today.



I know.  I know.  After two years I should just put it behind me and get on with life.  I guess what is really important about two years is that after two years we can safely assume that what is going to heal has healed and what is not going to heal ...

It was certainly a life changing event.  Mostly it was life changing for my loving wife.  We agree that I'm not the same now as I was before the incident.  There is a good amount of room for disagreement over how much of the change is due to injury, how much is the result of experience, and how much is just the natural effect of aging.  I am certainly more open and forward than I once was, well, not a lot more but more.  I have little concern for image and no tendency for pretense, except, of course, when I'm intentionally joking.  A side effect of that is I have very little patience with folks who are wrapped up in themselves or who are pushing a false image and expecting others to accept it.  I'd like to believe that I am more generous than I once was.  That's a problem for some of my close family.  I am much more aware of what the primary purpose of my life is.  Before the incident for a good many years I followed a practice of returning thanks for my meals.  A regular request during that thanks was, "Bless this food to our bodies' good."  Since the incident has regularly added the phrase, "And bless our bodies to Your purpose."   Most of the time I try to fulfill that intent.  I will tell you that I am occasionally distracted.

I live pretty well continually on the edge of depression but I do not often display it.

I did say that I am more generous that I was before.  That doesn't mean I'm always nicer.  I can have a tendency to get very harsh very quickly and very intensely.  Some of my closest family has had problems with that.

I have good friends that have advised me of available counseling resources that can help me deal with the changes that either are or are not related directly to brain injury.  Truthfully I've reached a place at which I'm comfortable with what I am.  I am aware that it carries with it some challenges.  I'm aware that I'm not always pleasing to everyone around me.  I guess I've just arrived at deciding that some of what happens in life (and relationships) are my issues, but some are absolutely the issues of those around me.  

My wife and I were traveling along a long highway and listening to the radio.  I sometimes like to play games with the words that people use.  The developers of the English language were insightful and kind enough to allow many words to carry multiple meanings.  Oftimes pointing a word to an alternate definition can greatly alter the thought communicated by a particular statement or question.   I was playing with those opportunities and I turned to my loving spouse and said, "Did you hear that?  That's just not right."

"Your mind's not right," she quipped in response.

To which I replied, "Something you and a lot of other people may not know is that I have a good time.  It may not work for you or for someone else , but it's working perfectly well for me.  I'm enjoying life."

I'm pretty well pleased with where I am.  It may not make much sense, but I'm even fairly well satisfied with the path that has brought me here.  I do sincerely regret what pain that path has caused those around me.

Well, it's been two years.  It has been impactful.  I guess at this point what is going to heal has healed and what will not has not.  I am very grateful to those of my friends and family who have helped me and at times carried me through the experiences of these past two years.  I am more thankful than I can express that the Lord has allowed me to continue walking upright after an event that probably should have otherwise resulted.  I reckon it's time for me to get on with life.

[Serk]

I'm glad you're still with us... And I've also struggled with the concept that not every "defect" in our minds is necessarily a negative. Not too many years ago I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (High functioning Autism). In conversations with my doctor about counseling or treatment, I had an epiphany: What I am is what I am, who I am is who I am, and sometimes what appear to be defects are in reality gifts or blessings. If I had the magical power to snap my fingers and make my "illness" go away, I would not do so.

Anyway... Just a random thought of mine. Glad you're here, wish I had more time to hang out with you and just chat down at Hotglue's, but between the weather and the kiddos, well... you know...

Please give your wife an extra hug from us. She's earned it.

[Moonshot_1]

Sounds like a normal guy to me.
Shoot, if you ain't screwed up in some way you just ain't normal.

[Karen]

You're still above ground, and you can still string a bunch of words together insightfully. I don't see a problem here. But Lori has done yeoman's duty, there is no doubt. Be very kind to her (I'm sure you still are). Congratulations on your anniversary, but truthfully, I like your wedding picture better. Amen.

[old2soon]

Well as I saw you walking with no help at Lacrosse and we had a coherent conversation and yer STILL a rider I M H O-MOST is well.   Glad you are till here with us Carl.   Even with all our diverse parts while a goofy family it's still family!   RIDE SAFE.

[matt]

Hey Willow congratulations on the two years its amazing how fast that went. Keep riding and enjoy life as you found out how quick it can change .  Matt

[saddlesore]

I read these posts and find I have more in common with some of you than just Valkyries.
I never met you Willow bit I'm glad you're still around too.

[John Schmidt]

Well my friend, that picture was difficult to look at again. I wished at the time I had lived closer so I could have paid you a few visits, but frankly, I was still on the mend myself. I know what you mean re. emotions, depression, etc.  I find at times the emotions are very near the surface and it bothers me. Some days I can shed tears a the blink of an eye, yet have no idea why because it doesn't appear to be tied to any recent event. As for healing, I'm told and do believe it goes on for quite an extended period, multiple years in many cases following a major event such as yours.

As with you, I'm glad the good Lord saw fit to pull me back from death's door and allow me to continue walking this beautiful land, spending time with friends and loved ones. As for the content of my saying Grace, especially in the morning.....in addition to your phrase, I also ask for the wisdom and insight to meet the challenges that will come my way duing the day.

Be well.....and careful. 

[wiggydotcom]

I've enjoyed our brief conversations and rarely find reason to fault your posts.
And I'd probably agree that it's doubtful you'll ever be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I'm just going to view it that you're a "Prized Piece" and leave it at that.

I think we can all display a side we're not real proud of but it is what it is.
"Russ Harris is the nicest guy I've ever met", said NO ONE EVER!

See you in a few weeks, Carl!

[Dave Ritsema]

That is one of several days I remember on your behalf. I am very happy your still with us.   

I also remember with great fondness the evenings spent at various Inzanes "after hours" pondering and discussing life. You may be all those things you just described, but your also my friend.

[shortleg]

    Carl
     All things as you now know will change with each and every expereance in
  our lives. I know after my being close to death a few times I will
 cry at the drop of a hat when I see some things.
     You are right with whats healed is healed, as we get older we continue to
 learn and servive from our happenings .
      Just continue to enjoy every moment God gives you, they are a gift.
                 shortleg(Dave)

[Hoser]

"You are right with whats healed is healed, as we get older we continue to
 learn and survive from our happenings ."

Amen, brother! Hoser   

[~ Timbrwolf]

...All I can say when I look  at  that pic, is that you get my utmost
respect. The fact that you got through "most" of that, and still
had the  tenacity to throw a leg and get back in the wind, is
Incredible. Many folks have been telling us how lucky we were
and that "it could have been worse"...and looking at this shot
of you really brings meaning to that remark. Ive been down
4 times in forty years, and even though only one time was my
fault, you are living proof that it really doesnt matter WHOS
fault is. To me you are proof of the love we all have
to be free in that wind, and the risks we all take when we
are out there exploring it.


.....Ride on Brother..  

[Willow]

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

I do still ride my Valkyries. Unfortunately, in the past two years I have only put on a little over twenty thousand miles.  That is less than half what my past pattern had been.  There was a time when a question was entertained as to whether I would continue to ride.  I rode to work this morning.  It was a beautiful March morning (48 degrees) and for me it is sixty miles from home to workplace, excepting, of course, when I work from home.  It's a pretty short ride on those days.

These days I do tend to ride scared a lot when I'm in traffic.  It's not a debilitating or incapacitating fear but it is there.  I still very much enjoy the wind at times and I still catch myself running much faster than maybe I should.

Brian, I agree.  You and I are very much alike but very different.   "If I had the magical power ... I would not."

John, it took my heart away when I heard what you were going through.  I didn't come to visit you either but I wanted to.

Wiggy, I've greatly enjoyed our conversations as well and I also very seldom find fault with my posts.   

Shortleg, I do think that visits close to the door can have that effect.  The odd thing about me is that they can often well up within me, at the drop of a hat as you say, but the water does not present itself.  I do lie now and then when my wife will ask me if my eyes are watering.  So much of what we are, what we experience, and what drops into our laps is God's most generous gift.

Dave, let's do it again.  I believe you and I can find something to talk about.

Moonshot, I don't identify myself often as normal.  I like to think I'm pretty unique.  We're each unique, aren't we?  I guess that's just normal.  What I tell my friends when I describe myself is that I have come to accept that I'm a bit of an asshole.  I just want to be the kindest and most generous asshole you could ever hope to meet.

I look forward to seeing many of you soon.  I need to stop talking about myself.  Lori tells me now and then that I talk about myself too much.  "Well," I tell her, "it's what I know the most about."

You all take good care of yourselves.  Lets all get together in a couple of weeks and have a good time.  I'll look forward to seeing as many as I can. 
   

[KG]

To which I replied, "Something you and a lot of other people may not know is that I have a good time.  It may not work for you or for someone else , but it's working perfectly well for me.  I'm enjoying life."

I'm pretty well pleased with where I am.  It may not make much sense, but I'm even fairly well satisfied with the path that has brought me here.  I do sincerely regret what pain that path has caused those around me.

I wish I could have said this as well as you. I've tried to express this to my wife and friends over the years without much success.

I'm doing what I want to do now,  not wishing I could do it when I can not. When I can not do what I want to at least I will be able to look back at the memories of what I did.

[Disco]

Really glad you're still with us, Carl.  I wish you hadn't had to go through that.  But, if it's a result of the event and your subsequent healing processes, I do enjoy reading the posts in which you share your inner and outer world as seen through your filter.

And don't worry about it being two years and putting it behind you.  I still have a certain Saturday afternoon in September '09 pop into my head from time to time. 

[Momz]

Depression? We may all have a touch of 'post incident depression', and I believe that is quite 'normal'.

My wife had a terrible M/C accident in October of 2013. She spent ten days in ICU and her recovery is still ongoing.
Has it changed her? A define.....Yes!
Is she a more of a cautious rider? Yes!
Does she reflect on the incident often? Yes!
Is my wife a changed person? Of course!

Your accident changed you, but you're still you. Don't dwell on your changes,....accept that you look at things from an 'experienced' point of view.
   

[Daniel Meyer]

Two years...wow. A mind boggling thing.

I'm pretty well pleased with where I am.  It may not make much sense, but I'm even fairly well satisfied with the path that has brought me here.  I do sincerely regret what pain that path has caused those around me.

That...my friend...is what I believe to be the secret to life...no matter where you are...or what path brought you there.

(path, road...yanno...life is...)

It was certainly a life changing event.  Mostly it was life changing for my loving wife.  We agree that I'm not the same now as I was before the incident.  

Change...is inevitable...even the little things change us...the big ones change us more. Still glad you're here.

There is a good amount of room for disagreement over how much of the change is due to injury, how much is the result of experience, and how much is just the natural effect of aging.

Muhahahahaha!  In the now...these three are all one-in-the same my friend. We are forged. Elements fused together to make us what we are. New things can be added...that could overlay, enhance, or cancel other properties...but the elements that make us what we are today can't be pulled back apart without destroying the current creation.



I'll see you on the road.

[Bonzo]

And You are here,  Three years May 1 for Patty and I. G-D is good!

[Willow]

Well said, Daniel.  I remember what a special deal it was for me when you came all the way up these several hundred miles for a one day visit.  That was the day they let me leave the prison.  That was one fine day.

For some of us I do need to clarify.  The experience that a big impact on me was not the experience of the incident itself.  Truthfully I have no real memory of the incident.  I have only two short memories of the two and a half weeks following the wobble just before the crash.  The experience that has had the most impact on who I am was the experience of meeting life with the couple of brain injuries.

You're right, Daniel.  We are a compilation of all that has contributed to building what we are.  Some is by choice.  Some is by imposition.  Some is a combination.  

[Serk]

Change...is inevitable...

...except from a vending machine... 

[Fourtyniner]

Happy Anniversary Brother! Hope you still have that Blue and White Standard with the sole seat. Far as riding motorcycles and being injured I guess a lot of us are in that club. Some say "your just asking for it" riding a motorcycle" period. Something is going to get us!!
  I had no intention of  riding street bikes, I raised my children on dirt bikes and three and four wheelers, racing motocross but no street riding. As a child I witnessed three riders losing their life in crashes, not their apparent fault, and at separate times while riding in the car with my parents. Myself, I love to ride dirt bikes and have all my life. When my youngest son came to me and proposed the idea of me helping in purchasing a GSXR 750 I was not excited about my son wanting a crotch rocket, but as his father I have taught and lectured the dangers of riding street bikes to him his whole life. I helped him get his first street bike. It is parked in the premier parking spot in the shop when he got it. Rooting out his motocross race bikes. My son is very responsible but at the same time, young and daring. I never really liked street bikes that weren't geared toward racing. Almost bought a XR 750 HD dirt tracker once. After I allowed my son to have that crotch rocket I ran across a blue and white striper with 6,500 miles on it and bought it on line, came with a trailer and I picked it up. Of all the street bikes I've looked at and lusted for, the Honda Valkyrie does it for me. Shortly afterward joining the VRCC and attending a ride at Cheaha state park in Alabama.
This is where I met you on your blue and white sole seated striper. The last ride for me was in 2010 to Natchez, Mississippi. I didn't make it. Head and brain injures do take time to heal if ever. We are but human, and just the sum of our raising/beliefs and life experiences. I'm so blessed with family and friends. So fortunate, for health. Nobody is shooting at me and I just signed up for InZane. It gives me that happy feeling knowing a road trip is near. Happy Anniversary!

[Alien]

Willow, I don't suppose that you and I would agree on many things but you have my utmost respect.  Not just for coming through that ordeal but for having the courage and character to share your very personal journey here.  As for your personality, I have always found you to be a fair, decent and humorous guy.  That does not seem to have changed. Glad you're still kicking.

Ride Safe,

Alien

[Willow]

Happy Anniversary Brother! Hope you still have that Blue and White Standard with the sole seat. ... We are but human, and just the sum of our raising/beliefs and life experiences. I'm so blessed with family and friends. So fortunate, for health. Nobody is shooting at me and I just signed up for InZane. It gives me that happy feeling knowing a road trip is near. Happy Anniversary!

Fourtyniner, I hope it was me you met at Cheaha.  I tried to be there every year for Tim's gathering.  I do ride a Blue and White Standard with some 180 thousand miles on it but it doesn't have a solo seat.  One of my thrills in riding is when I can ride with one of my daughters, a female friend, or my loving wife on the seat behind me.

The Standard has remained unwrecked.  I've sent two 1999 Green and Beige Interstates to the salvage yard.  My current Interstate is a 1999 Green and Beige.     Some of my friends have advised me against my choice but I'm really not superstitious.   

The Blue and White, incidentally has had only a few pilots since I acquired it at 11,000 miles.  Those few include my lovely wife and Daniel Meyer.

I'll look forward to seeing you in Spearfish.  I always enjoy spending time with smart folks who ride Blue and Whites.     

Willow, I don't suppose that you and I would agree on many things but you have my utmost respect.  Not just for coming through that ordeal but for having the courage and character to share your very personal journey here.  As for your personality, I have always found you to be a fair, decent and humorous guy.  That does not seem to have changed. Glad you're still kicking. 

Alien, I have noticed that you and I do stand generally in opposed corners but we do have some very significant characteristics in common.  I'm glad you're here also.  Since I'm the one who is most correct in our differences, I can only hope that before we reach the end of this life's journey we will find ourselves in complete agreement.   

[solo1]

Carl, I've finally opened this post and read all the replies to your 'anniversary' post.

I'm sure that you realize that you are well respected here for your tenacity, your insight, your command of the English language, and your frankness.  I join in that respect.

As i have quit riding I can finally say that I've never been down in any motorcycle accident( unless you can count dropping the bike).  I have no insight whatsoever in what it would take to get back on after one severe accident, let alone two. 

I've had my share of 'scares' ( misdiagnosed with liver cancer, and also peritonitis)  having lived this long but I neither have the miles under my belt nor the experience of recovering from an accident that you, and others have on this Board.

Unfortunately, i won't be attending Inzane but hope to meet you and Lori again in the not too distant future.

wayne