I Said A Young Man......

[G-Man]

Ain't got nothing in the world these days.

Feeling terrible for my wonderful, handsome, hardworking nephew.  He over came soooo much in order to get accepted and graduate from St. Johns University with a degree in communications.  Basically a catch phrase for sales in the advertising industry.  Now he's really struggling to find his way and he's feeling overwhelmed. 

CJ is a quiet kid who mostly kept to himself unless around the family where he was always kind and loving.  But around everyone else, he's pretty much an introvert.  Not a great quality for a salesperson.

Anyway I guess he's falling into depression.  Nobody heard from him for 3 days so my Bro-in-law went looking and found him at home in pretty bad shape.  Drugs and alcohol have played no part, thank goodness, but his own mind is messing him up.  He's dwelling on his loans, his bills, his choice in careers, etc.  I know exactly what he's going through.  When I was 25, I paced a bare track in the carpet from pacing back and forth in my little apt. in Sunrise, Fl. when my work prospects fell apart and I had nothing to fall back on and the thought of moving back home was dreadful.

I wish I could do more.  I wish I owned a business that would hire him.  I wish I knew someone who owned a business that would hire him.  Unfortunately I can only help him out monetarily and with all the support he needs or wants.  We have a great support system with our big family and I hope he's realizing now that we are all here for him in one way or another and that he's never alone.

I wish him nothing but peace and strength to help him get through this.  I know he will, we all usually do. 

[Oldfishguy]

Student loans are kicking a lot of our young kids butts.  One just has to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other; easier said than done some days. 

But he needs to keep a job somehow and be out in the world with young people.  Push him towards Starbucks or similar; got to keep him moving.

Best of luck.

[Oss]

Ask him where he would like to work (top 10 places) and see if he can then volunteer at a place where he would like to work.

Doors open easier when people WANT you inside because they see your value

Wish I had more

[Varmintmist]

He needs a job, any job. What you are calling depression is what was called being a grown up not that long ago.
He may have messed up by taking a degree in something that no one wants to pay for. That was an error, doesnt mean that he isnt responsible.
If he starts working poor jobs, he might have to work 15-18 hrs a day doing two of them to get out from under what he did to himself. One to eat, one to pay what he owes. Ok, where is the problem? It is temporary, he is young, there is work out there for people who want to work. It builds character and employers will notice. He might end up doing something totally different than his degree is in.

[Robert]

My nephew had similar problems and came into my business one day unexpectedly and we prayed together. For about 3 years he would come by and I would stop what ever I was doing and talk to him. He had some real issues to deal with. At the end of those 3 years he went to Assemblies of God school and got his pastor degree and then went into the military. Today he is a ranger and a Chaplin and does all the duties that the regular guys do and I couldn't be prouder of him. He said how can I talk and help these guys if I dont know what they are going through. Some of the paths he chose I would not have wanted him to but to see him, his wife and children that all happened in this time is so good.

When he came to see me he was single and he did have a job as a floor salesman and that could have been his job for life and it may have come out ok. But this was not what he was made for nor what was on his heart.

He was in his early 20s when he started this journey and pretty lost. I was so hurt to see such an awesome kid have such a hard time with regrets and hurts from his earlier years that he didn't know how to handle. At the beginning I didn't have any real clue to what was going to happen. But seeing him now I remember the kid that came to my shop lost and now is a man and thank God for the direction his life took.

Question him about his desires and see if you can guide him and encourage him in either that direction or a direction that you think he is meant for. Sometimes just the idea of saying I went through that and don't worry or this is how to handle it can be such a welcome word. I will pray that he finds his way and that the two can share some quality time together to guide him. As I get older I find  so many come by just to talk and hear a word of encouragement. Sometimes we pray, sometimes we just talk but sometimes I offer advice. I find that someone to talk to that knows what you are going through can sometimes be the grease for getting through a situation or life in general.

Laughter in the midst of the problem is always good medicine, especially when you share it with someone else.

Life is not always knowing which direction to take but just moving in a spot that opens till the right thing comes along.

[Jess from VA]

I must agree with the Varmintman, he needs a job, any job.  Volunteer or intern or even mowing lawns.  He has to get out of the house and DO something.  Most good humans are programmed this way.  We're not programmed to just sit on our asses and relax (or worry and depress) until we retire AFTER a lifetime of work (and some can't ever retire, really).

When I got out of undergrad in winter, there was no work to be had.  My summer construction work was unavailable in winter.  I was determined to get work no matter what it was, and I did in 2 days.  I got paid just over minimum wage to be a security guard in a giant auto parts warehouse from 7PM to 7AM, 7 days a week.  No one else wanted that job, and I took it.  It was pretty boring but I made the most of it, and bought a banjo and tried to teach myself to play.   I had duties to perform, but that still left most of the night to build callous on my fingers.  The low pay was somewhat offset by the 84hr workweek, and the boredom on the job by learning banjo. (And I discovered I could turn on a huge PA system and play over that. I was no Earl Scruggs, but I could pretend) (it seems creativity leads to a lightened heart)

When I got out of law school (27), I had a hard time finding work again, especially in exactly what I wanted to do (prosecutor).  I had a good record and resume, but so did thousands of others, and there just weren't that many jobs out there.  I interviewed all over my State, even got one and two callbacks, but no job.  So I took a job as a law clerk/bailiff for a MI trial judge.  It was like a lawyer's version of a doctor's internship.  I got paid dick, but I stayed real busy and learned a lot of real world stuff.  

After 3-4 years of private practice, I discovered to my utter amazement (and horror) I really didn't like my profession at all.  It wasn't what I thought it would be.  So, I took my education and resume, and talked to the FBI about special agent, and the military about the Judge Advocate Generals Departments.  And the Air Force took me, and I found the first (and probably only) thing I ever really loved doing.  I was 31 when I went in, as old as you could be.  Never made much money here either, and didn't care a bit.  And BTW, all branches of service have Public Affairs officers, and his education would be perfect for that trade.

Get up, get moving, do something.  They aren't going to put him in debtor's prison on the student loans.  Life is like a box of chocolates, except a lot of life is really more like a box of bitter foul tasting stuff.  Fight back.  Man up.  Never quit.  Cliche', but entirely true.

I'm sure many of us on here have very similar stories.  

[G-Man]

He needs a job, any job. What you are calling depression is what was called being a grown up not that long ago.
He may have messed up by taking a degree in something that no one wants to pay for. That was an error, doesnt mean that he isnt responsible.
If he starts working poor jobs, he might have to work 15-18 hrs a day doing two of them to get out from under what he did to himself. One to eat, one to pay what he owes. Ok, where is the problem? It is temporary, he is young, there is work out there for people who want to work. It builds character and employers will notice. He might end up doing something totally different than his degree is in.

I completely agree.  He's just gotta get through what he's going through.  He'll do it.  From our perspective, we can see the light ahead, but he's not there yet. 

[Hook#3287]

G-Man

We have a great support system with our big family and I hope he's realizing now that we are all here for him in one way or another and that he's never alone.

This.

He's got more than some.  Help him realize it.

With that back up, he can get through anything.

[da prez]

  It is easier to go from a job to a job than unemployed to a job. I have started over three times. (once due to a divorce) When I had young children , I worked four part time jobs. The company I worked for went  bankrupt when the owner was caught stealing money from the sales. I made it thru and went on to another job. I went to an occupation I enjoyed and studied hard. I did it until I retired.

  Gary , please encourage him to just try. Show him the responses from here. He is not the only one.

                                                        da prez

[G-Man]

G-Man

We have a great support system with our big family and I hope he's realizing now that we are all here for him in one way or another and that he's never alone.

This.

He's got more than some.  Help him realize it.

With that back up, he can get through anything.

Absolutely   

[Ramie]

Been through that twice in my life, once for 6 months once for a year, not fun, but we can't avoid or hide from our difficulties.

“You must determine where you are going in your life, because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead disappoint and frustrate you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse).”
― Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos