Don't underestimate old guys.......

[bassman]

 

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.' Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

 

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

 

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. 'How's the new wife?', asked the banker. Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.' The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?' Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'
 

Don't ever underestimate old guys .

[The emperor has no clothes]

  

[Chrisj CMA]

We had an elderly Dr in the hospital I worked at on base before I retired.  The elderly Dr was talking about being attracted to a much younger nurse.  The nurse was good looking and a little flirty, but I think she would have been surprised that the old Dr was saying the things he was saying about her.  This went on for a while and I think we were all getting tired of his being verbal with his inappropriate thoughts.  When one of the other doctors who was older (not as old as this one) finally spoke up.  We all cracked up at the response.  I dont think anyone was ready for such a funny line, but obviously he has used it before and was ready.  The other doctor said to the dirty old man doctor.  "you do know sex at your age could be fatal"  the old doctor responded "well, If she dies she dies" in a gruff voice.  The report room was tore up for a few minutes

[Rams]

Wisdom of the Elderly

An elderly, but hardy cattleman once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be. 

Rams 

[msb]

Wisdom of the Elderly

An elderly, but hardy cattleman once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be. 

Rams 

OK, now that is funny

[John Schmidt]

I've told my daughters that when the end is near for me to feed me some unpopped popcorn. When asked  why, I said when they cremate me it should add a little dazzle to my exit....physical exit at least. 

[solo1]

At my age what I find is funny is that every morning I wake up and don't know what to expect.

Traveling aches and pains, mysterious comings and goings, sleeping good one night (only wake up three times) other times the melatonin doesn't work.

Awhile back I asked my family doctor about why he didn't study geriatrics. He said it drove him nuts because he would figure out one pain in a little old lady but four or five more would show up.

And that reminds me of my old cars that I had, nickle and dime, nickle and dime.  Supposedly the body is worth 98 cents in chemistry.  That sounds about right except the docs don't know that.

However, it's still worth it to me. At almost 91, I still have my mental ability enough to enjoy watching people's expression when I  contort myself into the Miata and drive off, NOT like a little old lady peering under the steering wheel of her Buick.

I might not go while riding on two wheels but, hopefully, blasting the hell out the road in the Miata!

John, I'm not allowed to eat popcorn so that option is out.

[f6john]

However, it's still worth it to me. At almost 91, I still have my mental ability enough to enjoy watching people's expression when I  contort myself into the Miata and drive off, NOT like a little old lady peering under the steering wheel of her Buick.

.

Careful there Solo 1, my mama is 90 going on 91 and drives a Turbo Buick, get out of the way!!!!!

[da prez]

  So the guy married a girl young enough to be his great ,  great granddaughter. On their honeymoon night , she laid in bed naked. He sat on the side of the bed and put on a condom. He then took and put a cotton ball in each ear and one in each nostril . "Hey", she said. When he did not answer , she pulled a cotton ball  out of his ear. Hey , I can somewhat understand the condom , but what is the cotton in your ears and nose. He looked at her and said,
 
 TWO THINGS I CANT STAND , THE SMELL OF BURNING RUBBER AND THE SOUND OF A SCREAMING WOMAN.    ( got to love the old guys) 

                                                                  da prez