Me? A Yankee! (No Pictures!)

[DDT (12)]

Man, just a few months ago, I could not have conceived of the notion I might soon become a ‘Yankee’… Who knew…? Well, nothing like surgery and its recovery to totally change one’s perspective on… a lot of things!

Today was to be the next big day. Another milestone passed along an endless stream of such revealing episodes… Life can most certainly hold an unlimited array of surprises for us, and for many of those, there are no preparations or even anticipation! Yep, lots of totally unexpected stuff to come at us, and nothing we can do about it except to face it as it comes and do what we can to not embarrass ourselves too much or make bad choices. Reactions and reflexes can also complicate things…

The type of surgery I had included the installation of a ‘Foley Catheter’… A peculiar looking double-ended tube that is inserted into one’s uniquely masculine appendage and pushed up into the bladder. Water is then injected into one of the two nozzles of the catheter to fill a balloon inside the bladder to keep it in place for the 9-11 days it must remain, so the urethra can heal after a section of it is removed along with the prostate… Mercifully, that was installed after they had put me to sleep… Removal, on the other hand, was a little different story…

So, eleven days following my surgery, the big day came for me to give-up that uncomfortable and annoying drainage apparatus, so necessary but inconvenient, nonetheless. I was tired of having to fool with that thing, and the last day or two I’d developed a ‘leak’ at times. That, of course, caused other discomforts and matters to address… like increasing the frequency of showers and laundry doings… I looked forward to this event with a mixture of alternating, and often overlapping, feelings of ‘relief-in-sight’ and ‘dread’…

OK, Coach Jerry and I made it to the Vandy Urology Clinic on time, and they were on schedule… everything appeared to be textbook… not perfect, but maybe ‘appropriate’ is a better word here… I patiently waited for my name to be called with those opposite feelings gaining in strength! I hoped I wouldn’t scream or anything, and I did not want to hurt either… After all, this drama would be unfolding in a rather delicate, sensitive area!

Then I heard my name called out… by a melodious, very sweet-sounding voice, and I wondered… Nah, surely that nice young lady with braces on her teeth was there just to escort me to the ‘den of dread’ where the deed would be done… most likely by some burly, manly looking brute… Nope! Truth be told, I’d rather have a nice-looking gal do that anyway, even with the amused giggle, than to have some hairy-armed dude with a condescending smirk on his face pulling and tugging!

Following instructions, I dropped my pants and removed the ‘leg bag’, then she took over… I winced and looked away, as she performed her tasks effortlessly, efficiently, and painlessly! First, a syringe was inserted into the ‘other’ nozzle of the catheter tube and the water in the ‘balloon’ removed. Then, fah-looooop!, and the whole thing was out and on its way to the garbage can in little more than the blinking of an eye!  I’d been dreading this for obvious reasons, even though Jerry, my faithful, knowledgeable coach, had correctly informed me of exactly what to expect.

In an instant, I was free of that cumbersome contraption and ready to embark upon the next phase of ‘assisted urinary discharge’… Looks can be so deceiving! I’d wondered if someone so young and innocent appearing could really be doing stuff like this. I must say, however, as ‘Yank-ers’ go, she did impress me!!!

Yep, so I’m now a ‘Yank-ee’ for the first time ever… While I’m sure glad to be on this side of the event, I can’t say it is an ideal situation… I’m now adjusting to dealing with the use of a diaper and learning not to panic when I have an uncontrolled, involuntary discharge! Of course, I now understand why I was unable to find a ‘fly’ on my first diaper…

The first few times I had an ‘accident’, I was pleasantly surprised to find my clothing was not wet following such an unsettling activity. It sure does feel ‘unnatural’, though, not to mention unsanitary and disconcerting… Oh well… So, to all my fellow ‘Yankees’ out there I say with heartfelt sincerity… “I truly do feel your pain!”

DDT… although, I’ll now also answer to ‘Flow’ or ‘Mr. Leaky’.

[Serk]

On the bright side, having a diaper on should increase your distance between stops while riding!

Normally I like to say "Thanks for taking us along on your adventure"...... I still say that, just not QUITE as enthusiastically as with most of your stories, but I AM thankful that you chose to weave the tale with words and not images!

...and glad to hear you're on the mending side of the equation!

[The emperor has no clothes]

  I'm rather slow. It took me most of the story to get the yank-ee reference. I'm with you on the yanker choice also. It appears things are progressing on schedule. I'm glad to hear that  Take care my friend. (I assume being inducted into the yank-ee fraternity hasn't dampened your taste for grits)

[Bighead]

Just another step in the road to recovery Bruce. Those depends will be in the past before you know it. And you said unsanitary not true Urine is sterile. Maybe uncomfortable but sterile.

[Bighead]

I'm rather slow. It took me most of the story to get the yank-ee reference. I'm with you on the yanker choice also. It appears things are progressing on schedule. I'm glad to hear that  Take care my friend. (I assume being inducted into the yank-ee fraternity hasn't dampened your taste for grits)

He will NEVER lose the taste for grits or bacon for that matter. Bruce told me one time he wanted to grow his own food but no stores sold BACON seeds

[Rams]

Having had several surgeries the last few years which were accompanied by the need for that dreaded catheter, I can relate.   Although, I don't remember a pain free removal.   

Rams

[Bigwolf]

Bruce, my friend,
You have a great talent for wordsmithing!  Only you could/would ever tell a tale about one of life’s most personally vulnerable and embarrassing happenings in words that make it sound great and hugely funny.  Surely such talent stems not only from seriousness and a mastery of words, but also from a positive and playful attitude towards life itself.

It is good to know you!

[The emperor has no clothes]

Bruce, my friend,
You have a great talent for wordsmithing!  Only you could/would ever tell a tale about one of life’s most personally vulnerable and embarrassing happenings in words that make it sound great and hugely funny.  Surely such talent stems not only from seriousness and a mastery of words, but also from a positive and playful attitude towards life itself.

It is good to know you!

I wish I had just a 1/4 of the writing talent he does. (Never read anything less than stellar from him)

[Farside]

  I got a chuckle out of your title Bruce. I couldn't have guessed that the direction you were going was involving the removal a catheter.    You do keep me on my toes reading your post.    I know it is a relief to be finished with that segment of your story. Now as time marches on I'll be willing to believe you are getting fit for the road and back in total control. Lookng forward to more of your up dates and journeys moving forward.     

[scooperhsd]

Bruce has a talent for making it sound like something we all should eagerly look forward to ....

[Oss]

Glad you had a somewhat happy ending with your Yanker procedure on the yank ee

Thanks for the laughs

Laughing with you not at you

Oss

Ok maybe laughing at you just a bit

[Super Santa]

Bruce is one of my favorite 'yank ee' friends.

[Daniel Meyer]

"Yank-ee Yanker" had me laughing WAY too long, even while crossing my legs.

Oh, and thanks for the lack of pictures!

Rock on my man!

[John Schmidt]

Oh yes, that dreaded Foley, had that thing inserted in January following my gall bladder removal. At 3:00am I was still unable to relieve myself, fortunately I had requested to spend the night in the hospital due to limited assistance at home. The dr. was called, he said it's Foley time. What a relief, however going in wasn't....was downright painful. Coming out later that afternoon after everything "woke up" internally, piece of cake.

Good to hear you've moved on to the next step in recovery, here's hoping it's not a long drawn out event. It reminded me of when my dad had his removed at age 72, he was told to do the Kegel exercises daily to help with the leakage from time to time. Guess it worked cuz I never saw him with a problem after the first few months. Also mentioned it helped in his performance in other areas but never expanded on what he meant, however I have a good idea. 

[Hooter]

I'm a Yankee and a Yank...ee both. You speak of the young yanker. Much to my surprise,  my yanker was a very cute, 30ish, very petite, blonde dutch girl. Did I say cute?
I  too was expecting "Mr "T" to do the dastardly deed. But I much liked this better! It's downhill from here. A sneeze can produce an unexpected surprise but anything beats that catheter!

[JimmyG]

Bruce, you crack me up with your stories.  I've had to be the yanker before in my past profession, dealt numerous times with catheters and procedures involving catheters, but your adventure was a hoot.  I too would prefer the young lady over the burly dude yanker.    I always hated catheters
So happy your doing well, keep er in the wind my friend.

[Serk]

keep er in the wind my friend.

Considering the topic of this thread, maybe not the best phraseology..... Or maybe it is...      Would discourage tailgaters at least!

[robin]

Good for you Bruce glad it all worked out for the best had the same as you 2 years ago right down to the young lady
Do your Kegel exercises they do help with the leaking or lack there of.

[Jess Tolbirt]

o wait!! yank-ee i get it now !!! bwaaaaaaahhhh

[Jess from VA]

Well now, I'm always willing to help friends, but if you ask for a hand next time we meet, I think I'm just going to act like I didn't hear you, and suddenly remember I had something to do in the other direction.

I'm sure the catheter was a PITA (or thereabouts), and the plastic britches only a little better.  

However, both of those seem superior to one of these:  

[The emperor has no clothes]

Good for you Bruce glad it all worked out for the best had the same as you 2 years ago right down to the young lady
Do your Kegel exercises they do help with the leaking or lack there of.

learn something new here everyday. I always thought those were just for ladies to “tighten” things up a little.

[MarkT]

Great writing Bruce!  My only experience with that was for a heart probe up my femoral artery about 20 years ago.  They botched it with the catheter and caused a UTI which was really painful!  And that was at night on a weekend with no doctor available.  Seeing all those catheter ads on TV - love the studly aerobatic pilot one - I'm of a mind, if I ever have to use one of those on a regular basis I'm surely going to think of alternatives!

[old2soon]

          I wuz catheterized once! They needed pictures of my insides. Who knew almost 2 liters of H2O could follow a reverse course!  As I wuz reading yer tale-well Truth-my sphincter kept tightening up!  Sounds ta me like anywho yer bout ready to do what you do Traveler-RIDE!    Keep on keepin on-we ain't fer sure and fer certain guaranteed tomorrow. RIDE SAFE.

[Atl-Jerry]

That brings back memories from my similar experience following the same surgery last March.  On the much dreaded removal day I was sitting on the exam table with great anticipation and in walked what looked like a 10th grader.  That's just part of getting old, everyone looks like a 10th grader.  I asked her if she drew the short straw this morning and she said she's the designated "wanker yanker" and she does this several times a day, every day.  I guess she saw a little humor was in order.  I was afraid that while the urethra was growing back together it was also attaching itself to that cathater.  Like yours, it was over in a flash.....and we all laughed as we watched all that injected water make it's return trip. 

[RainMaker]

Definitely one of your best stories with a surprise ending.   

[boss hoss bill]

Bruce

I too am a charter member of the Yank ee Clippers (so to speak.)
After a little needed roto-rooting, I had to have a  catheter in place for a few days, when the visiting nurse came to extract it, the trouble ensued.
She took out the sharp scissors, which made me a little (who am I kidding, a lot) antsy. She then cut one of the catheter tubes, pulled and nothing! She got a better grip on my poor quivering appendage and again yanked. Yowsa, nothing but me moved as the sweat started to pop out.
She called the urologists office (and luckily wasn't using face time) (wee wee time?) and they said get that boy in here stat.
So.............. threw on some clothes and swooped into the house of urine people. The Dr. grabbed my quivering member and slid the catheter  out as easily as a Valkyrie slicing through Harleys! Case closed.
No Depends needed and back to normal quickly.

On a related note, I have a friend who suddenly couldn't pee at all. Wound up in the e/r and was told that he was lucky his bladder didn't rupture, as they emptied what seemed to him, gallons out of him. He said he never felt such a feeling of relief as when the catheter they inserted to drain him hit his bladder.

Glad to hear the worst is over for you and of your cult status now as a ex-yank ee!