H U M O R Thread . Nothing to get riled up about. Jokes, puns, and riddles.

[Big Rig]

 A four year olds first paycheck
 
 Here's  a  truly  heartwarming story  about  the  bond  formed between a  little 4-year-old girl &  some construction workers that will make you  believe that we all can  make a difference
when we give a child the gift of our time.
 
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty  lot. The  young  family's  4-year-old  daughter naturally  took  an  interest  in all  the  activity  going  on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
 
Eventually  the  construction  crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They  chatted with her,  let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks,  & gave her a few little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
 
At the end of the first week, they even  presented her with a pay  envelope containing ten dollars.
 
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her 10 dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
 
When the girl and her mom  got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed & asked the little girl  how she  had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
 
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building  the  new house next door to us."
 
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
 
The little girl replied, "I will, if those A-holes at Home Depot ever deliver the frickin' drywall!

[Roy]

Chinese Sick Day...



CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything
better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........

You got nice house'.






`

[bigguy]

[Haulin2]

Old Dog
 
A German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
 
 
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep do-do now!"
 
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,
 
  "Boy, that was one delicious panther!  I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
 
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
 
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
 
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
 
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
 
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
 
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

[Roy]

MC Carb problem...


A guy who is kind of new to riding a motorcycle took his bike to a mechanic because it was running really rough. The mechanic worked on it for half an hour and then told the guy it was ready to go and purring like a kitten. The owner asked, "What's the story?" The mechanic replied, "Just crap in the carburetor." The owner is incredulous, and asks, "Well, how often am I supposed to do THAT?!"

[Roy]

Psycology VS Law




A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.

He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied in a loud voice:
"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy;

He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and
Said with a laugh:

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy then responded in a loud voice:

"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to make people pay
For their stupidity."

[Roy]

Granny Biker...



A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims, "I want to join your club." The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you ! have a motorcycle?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bikes parked over there", and points to a Harley in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I'm shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last Question. Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope...but I've been swung around by the nypalz once!




`

[Roy]

Bear in the Bar...


A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says,"We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings ."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,


"We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."


The bear, very angry now, says,"If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."



The bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.


The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."



! The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

(...You're gonna love this...)



The bartender says, "You are now! That was a   .  .  .   .   bar#$%*youate."   





`

[Roy]

A female Police Officer arrested a man for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

> >> > The drunk replies,

.



.



.




*




"JUGG's" !!

[Roy]

`
Polish Pickle Factory Worker...



Stan Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory. For many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his manhood in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist. After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave up. He then advised Stan to go ahead and do it, otherwise he would probably never have any peace of mind. The next day Stan came home from work very early. His wife, Stella, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

For the first time, Stan tearfully confessed to her his tormenting desire to put his manhood in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Stella gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find everything normal. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Stan replied, "I think she got fired, too."






`

[Roy]

Who does what?



A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

 
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”



The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”



Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”


Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”


So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says. . .

*



*




*





*


.........."HEBREWS"


`

[Roy]

Drunk comes to Church...


Guy who clearly had too much to drink staggers into church and takes a seat in the confessional. After a couple minutes the priest clears his throat. Few more minutes the "Ahem" is louder. Finally the priest is knocking on the wall to get the drunks attention.

The drunk angrily replies, Forget it buddy there's no toilet paper in this one either!

[Valkorado]

When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. slapped him
across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the Nation I
helped conceive?
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted
to end our liberties but you failed."
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I
allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was
evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early
Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.

As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared.
Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you.
What did you think I said?     You really need to listen when
someone is trying to tell you something!"

[Roy]

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes or less...


01) That's not right  .............................Sum Ting Wong
02) Are you harboring a  fugitive?.................Hu Yu Hai Ding
03) See me ASAP...................................Kum Hia Nao
04) Stupid Man ...................................Dum Fuk
05) Small Horse ..................................Tai Ni Po Ni
06) Did you go to the  beach? .....................ai Yu So Tan
07) I bumped into a coffee table..................Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
08) I think you need a face lift .................Chin Tu Fat
09) It's very dark in here .......................Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet..................Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone ......................No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week........Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13)  Staying out of sight .........................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's  cleaning his automobile .................Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...................Yu Stin Ki Pu

[Jess from VA]

I'm saving the Virginian story.

Those same men would also be rolling in their graves over our VA State G too.

[Roy]

Son of a . . . ?



Two tall trees , a birch and a beech , are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them.

The beech says to the birch:

"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch ?"

The birch says it can`t tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.The birch says:

"Woodpecker , you are a tree expert. Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch ?"

The woodpecker takes a small taste of the sapling and replies:

"It is neither a son of a beech or a son of a birch. It is  , however , the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in !"





`

[Roy]

`
Bareback...





An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.

'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.

'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'

[R J]

God’s Problem Now!
His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she’s there."

[Roy]

`
DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?




A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.


At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."


The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"


As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"


"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."


"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty sneaky. I think I'll try that at the next house."


Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."


"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."


As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"


"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."




`

[R J]

 
     

 "Hoodies" at the Pearly Gates



Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates
When two guys wearing dark hoodies,  and sagging pants, arrive

St. Peter looked out through the Gates  and said,"Wait here - I'll be right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you that you can't be judgmental here.

This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.

He returns to God's chambers and says " Well, they're gone

"The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.


"No. The Pearly Gates"

[Roy]

`

      

[Roy]

Custody . . .


A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:
"Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"

DON'T LAUGH...... HE WON!!




`

[Roy]

Canadian Custody...



A seven-year-old Toronto boy was at the center of a courtroom drama when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him even more than his parents. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the child alleged they had also beaten him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family & learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to suggest who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references & confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. Both he and the boy believe they are not capable of beating anyone!




`

[R J]

 

A road crew supervisor hired Ole to assist with painting the yellow line down the middle of the Minnesota road. He was skeptical about hiring him, but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lena told him so.

He explained to Ole that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of line on the road, and he was set up with brushes and paint and got him started.

After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift. He told him that he did an excellent job and how pleased he was with him.

On the second day, Ole completed painting 2 miles of road. His supervisor was surprised that on the first day, he had completed twice as much work, but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road
was the amount that the job required Anyway.He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that he would pick up his speed again.

On day 3, the supervisor was shocked to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Ole only completed painting 1 mile of road. He was called into the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem ..

"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. Can I ask you, what is the problem?"

"Vell, Ole replied, "I’ll tell you vhat, but I tought you vould know.....

 

SCROLL

 

down,





 

Every day I vas getting farder and farder avay from da paint can."

[bigguy]

[Roy]

Pop drinks...



Gordon Lightfoot told this one last night at a concert I attended (paraphrased)...


I'm getting older now... I have been advised to not drink anything stronger than Pop.... good thing Pop will drink just about anything.







`

[YoungPUP]

What do boobies and lionel trains have in common???




_






Both are made for kids and Dad wants to play with them....

[R J]

 
 
1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.

4. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  That's common sense leaving your body.

6. I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim".  I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers.  If you find one, what's your plan?

10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

[Jess from VA]

Good ones RJ.  

But this one makes me grin the widest.   

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  That's common sense leaving your body.

[bigguy]

A big city lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, ''| shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now |'m going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers around, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first | kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face. The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, | give up, You can keep the duck!"

[bigguy]

A banker, a lawyer and a statistician went deer hunting. Deer appears. Banker fired, hit 3 feet to left of deer. Lawyer fired, and hit 3 feet to the right of the deer. The statistician exclaimed, "We got him!".

[Roy]

I got a gun for my wife...




*






*





*


pretty good trade I thought!


(oldie but goodie)




`

[R J]

Empathy for a homesick snowbird    


I was in Fort Pierce, FL, the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that
read: "I miss Chicago."      

So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper
sticker and left a note that read, "Hope this helps".  

[Roy]

New brand of Cycle...



A guy goes in a bar and orders a beer. He notices a gal noticing him and buys her a beer, too. After several beers the guy says, " I'm not from around here, how bout we go to your place and get acquainted more.

The gal says, OK, but I have to tell you I'm on my menstral cycle." The guy replies, "that's OK, I'll just follow ya on my Honda!"













`

[Roy]

Cracking down on the Alcohol problem...



The Soviet government was cracking down on the alcohol problem that was escalating. So, a communist party official goes to a factory and says to one of the workers:

"If you had a glass of vodka could you work today?"

The worker said: "I guess I could."

"If you had two glasses of vodka, could you work?"

He said: "I guess I could."

"If you had full bottle of vodka, could you work?"

He said, "I'm here, aren't I?"

[Roy]

Fishing...




It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up
and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

“Fishing,” replied the old man.

“Poor old fool” thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman

asked, “and how many have you caught?”

“You're the eighth...”

[pago cruiser]

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

 The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

 The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

 While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

 The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”

[Jess Tolbirt]

Tennessee Jail

Loaded Gun Hidden In Suspect’s Vagina
 
APRIL 22 --A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.
 
As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search.
 
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination; a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
 
A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver--which is four inches in length--had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
 
In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was “ransacked” last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details.
 
When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, “Oh, gosh.” He noted that he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned, but added that the weapon would require “a bath in bleach.”

News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.

Archer was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility.

According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.

  AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES
1.   ​ I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2.   Gives new meaning to a gun having a "hair trigger".
3.   Happiness is a warm gun?
4.   At four inches in length it comes off as half cocked...
5.   "For sale AA22LR never used;  still in the box."
6.   Report reads, "...Introducing contraband into a penal facility." Shouldn't that be 'penile' facility?
7.   If it went off, could you call it her 'boom box'?
8.   Remember : Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9.   They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10. You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
11. Oh my... accident waiting to happen.  Could 'shoot the beaver'.
12. I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a "hole" new meaning...
13. Complete reversal on the classic, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
14. I wonder if she had 'gun-areah'?
15. Gives a whole new meaning to "Vaginal Discharge"...
16. Do you suppose she had a 'rectal reloader'?
17. A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
18. Figures... it uses 'rim shot' ammo.
19. This supports the “Big Bang” theory.

[Roy]

The Rabbit and the Dog...



A man comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead.

The guy panics. Thinking his neighbor is going to hate him forever, he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur> He then puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor’s patio in hopes they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside. He asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”

The guy stiffens and says, “Um.. er.. no.. what happened?”

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, we went outside and someone had dug him up, given him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!”





`

[R J]

INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS:

 

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

 

  2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

   

  3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

   

  4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
 

  5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
 

And...

 

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE amazing facts are,


The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.