Old expressions, gone forever. :(

[bigguy]

When somebody aggravated her, my mother-in-law used to say, "He/She would drive a wooden woman crazy."

When the grand daughters would get dressed up for church, my father-in-law would say, "They're pretty as a $40 milk cow."

Another one of his when he didn't understand something was, "Who did what in who's back door?"

If my father-in-law didn't particularly care for somebody, he might say, "I'd like to buy him for what I think he's worth and sell him for what he think's he's worth."

When referring to some of the folks who lived way back in the woods (with the inferred in-breeding) he's say, "He's his own grampa."

A heavy rain was referred to as a "toad strangler."

Somebody could be, "slyer than a fox in the hen house."

We used to refer to something being, "Hotter than a fresh (effed) fox in a forrest fire."

We had several that a bunch of guys might use in describing/rating members of the opposite sex. Those are a little too blue for here. PM me if you want some of those.

[MP]

Referring to the best,

That was an E ride.

Have to date back to the days when Disneyland used tickets, and an E ticket was for the best rides.

[RP#62]

I believe owl sh!t is nearly as slick as deer guts on a door knob or trout snot.

-RP

[MP]

Slick as goose crap, was the expression here.

[Hoser]

How about "cute as a speckled puppy" when speaking of a little girl child.  Hoser

[Crackerborn]

A salesman could be slicker than owl snot or greased lightning, and his product finer than frogs hair until it breaks, then it becomes dumber than a mud fence. Then the salesperson is so crooked, snakes run in fear and the best part of him never made to his momma. When asked if another product is needed the answer might be does a bear s#!t in the woods.

Bless your heart.   

[woofred1832]

                                          WOW heard most of those , but some are new to me
                             when I teased my younger sisters too much my dad used to hold out his left fist and say ,,, 6 months in the hospital,,, then his right and say,,, SUDDEN DEATH,,, get the message!!!

[Hooter]

Well, "your mouth runs like a whipper whills ass in choke cherry time. That thing shines like a diamond in a goats ass. About as usless as tits on a chicken.

[czuch]

Mad as a bag of cut snakes.

[pais]

   " This winter was colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of an igloo!"

    "He was more nervous then a whore in church"

     "I'm busier than a one legged man at a kicking contest"

      She went out to crap and the hogs ate her- My Dad, every time I asked where Mom was

      If you can't cut the mustard you better lick the jar- My Uncle Cheech

     She's as busier then a $2.00 whore on payday- My Uncle Buster

    My Father was a WWII vet. He told me, you will never find an Atheist in a fox hole!

[Crackerborn]

Useless as tits on a tom cat.

Busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Tough titty said the cat to the kitty when the milk runs dry.

[bigguy]

Madder than a wet hen.