Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
|
 |
« on: August 16, 2015, 04:46:43 AM » |
|
Subject: Doc's embarrassment
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ' How long have you been bedridden? '
After a look of complete confusion she answered,
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . ' So how's your breakfast this morning? ' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly. '
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered .. . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. While she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair
had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . . 'Keep off the grass. '
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. '
Submitted by RN, no name
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . ..
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. . .I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . . 'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
1 MORE
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.'
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
MP
Member
Posts: 5532
1997 Std Valkyrie and 2001 red/blk I/S w/sidecar
North Dakota
|
|
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2015, 05:25:18 AM » |
|
According to the other thread, you have insulted: Doctors, nurses, women, deaf people, and others. Shame on you!  Hard to tell a joke without mentioning someone, isn't it? MP |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 "Ridin' with Cycho" |
|
|
Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
|
|
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2015, 05:33:56 AM » |
|
According to the other thread, you have insulted: Doctors, nurses, women, deaf people, and others. Shame on you! Hard to tell a joke without mentioning someone, isn't it? MP I have ?! Well, I posted with only good intentions, but, I suppose it will irritate some. Shame on me, yep, after-all, I've been called a racist and bigot by our high and mighty so it just has to be true.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
MP
Member
Posts: 5532
1997 Std Valkyrie and 2001 red/blk I/S w/sidecar
North Dakota
|
|
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2015, 06:00:42 AM » |
|
According to the other thread, you have insulted: Doctors, nurses, women, deaf people, and others. Shame on you! Hard to tell a joke without mentioning someone, isn't it? MP I have ?! Well, I posted with only good intentions, but, I suppose it will irritate some. Shame on me, yep, after-all, I've been called a racist and bigot by our high and mighty so it just has to be true. I am Irish. Love a drunken Irish joke. You would not believe how many Norwegian jokes around here. Told by Norwegians! All this PC junk is disgusting. We are going to heck in a hand basket. Too many are taking "being offended" on as a full time job, and actively look for a way to be offended. Then, they are the "victim", and want relief. Sickening. What ever happened to the saying "sticks and bones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Sure not the PC attitude anymore, is it? MP |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"Ridin' with Cycho" |
|
|
|
Chrisj CMA
|
|
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2015, 08:10:43 AM » |
|
It was one of the worst thinge that has ever happened in this great Nation, the day it became OK to demand you never should be offended.
It was much better when the whiner was just told quickly and loudly to shut up and get over it.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
old2soon
|
|
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2015, 08:33:31 AM » |
|
Or as I have been told when I was In the Navy and have told others-go pound sand up yer ass. 1964-being P C wasn't near as important then as some folks believe It needs to be now.  Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need.  RIDE SAFE. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Today is the tommorow you worried about yesterday. If at first you don't succeed screw it-save it for nite check. 1964 1968 U S Navy. Two cruises off Nam.
VRCCDS0240 2012 GL1800 Gold Wing Motor Trike conversion
|
|
|
Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
|
|
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2015, 08:43:42 AM » |
|
According to the other thread, you have insulted: Doctors, nurses, women, deaf people, and others. Shame on you! Hard to tell a joke without mentioning someone, isn't it? MP I have ?! Well, I posted with only good intentions, but, I suppose it will irritate some. Shame on me, yep, after-all, I've been called a racist and bigot by our high and mighty so it just has to be true. I am Irish. Love a drunken Irish joke. You would not believe how many Norwegian jokes around here. Told by Norwegians! All this PC junk is disgusting. We are going to heck in a hand basket. Too many are taking "being offended" on as a full time job, and actively look for a way to be offended. Then, they are the "victim", and want relief. Sickening. What ever happened to the saying "sticks and bones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Sure not the PC attitude anymore, is it? MP Yep, agreed ! As said before, maybe the pendulum will swing back to the middle where it should be and this PC crap will end up being just a bad memory. I'm Italian and Irish, or, is it Irish and Italian. As a racist/bigot, I should know and get that correct. But, I digress as usual. I grew up with jokes about both and all others. I'm sure we all did. It seemed to me that most were funny and a part of life. Didn't seem to hurt us. But, maybe it did others and thats how we ended up with this PC crap being forced down our throats by those with Napoleon complexes. Oops, there goes the racist in me again, or, would that be the bigot. Still don't know. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
scooperhsd
|
|
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2015, 09:06:03 AM » |
|
If spmebody ever has the cajones to come up to me to tell me "I'm offended by " whatever I'm doing, I'm going to reply "well now I'm offended by you being offended - go away and STFU !"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Rams
Member
Posts: 16684
So many colors to choose from yet so few stand out
Covington, TN
|
|
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2015, 09:23:11 AM » |
|
Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need. RIDE SAFE. Was that an insensitive joke? Should I or anyone else be offended? Damn, I'm so confused.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
VRCC# 29981
Learning the majority of life's lessons the hard way.
Every trip is an adventure, enjoy it while it lasts.
|
|
|
Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
|
|
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2015, 10:35:26 AM » |
|
Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need. RIDE SAFE. Was that an insensitive joke? Should I or anyone else be offended? Damn, I'm so confused. Well, sure, isn't that statement just more of the republicans war on women. It appears now that Midol has a demeaning connotation to many in the PC police force, regardless of who would feel the need to use it. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Jess from VA
|
|
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2015, 10:44:38 AM » |
|
When the wife got the menopause, I politely asked her to try some over the counter stuff to ease the craziness. She wouldn't take anything not required by a doctor though, and told me to take it myself (actually, I can't tell what she told me to do with it in polite company).
So I did. I can't say it did much for me, but at least I tried. (I needed something much stronger)
Insensitive? Perhaps.
Accurate? You bet!
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: August 16, 2015, 10:46:20 AM by Jess from VA »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Valker
Member
Posts: 3035
Wahoo!!!!
Texas Panhandle
|
|
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2015, 10:45:04 AM » |
|
Or as I have been told when I was In the Navy and have told others-go pound sand up yer ass. 1964-being P C wasn't near as important then as some folks believe It needs to be now. Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need. RIDE SAFE. Jokes about PMS aren't funny, period. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I ride a motorcycle because nothing transports me as quickly from where I am to who I am.
|
|
|
Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
|
|
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2015, 10:46:56 AM » |
|
When the wife got the menopause, I politely asked her to try some over the counter stuff to ease the craziness. She wouldn't take anything not required by a doctor though, and told me to take it myself.
So I did. I can't say it did much for me, but at least I tried. (I needed something much stronger)
Insensitive? Perhaps.
Accurate? You bet!
I call it experience ! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
MP
Member
Posts: 5532
1997 Std Valkyrie and 2001 red/blk I/S w/sidecar
North Dakota
|
|
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2015, 11:44:59 AM » |
|
Or as I have been told when I was In the Navy and have told others-go pound sand up yer ass. 1964-being P C wasn't near as important then as some folks believe It needs to be now. Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need. RIDE SAFE. Jokes about PMS aren't funny, period. Oh, geez! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"Ridin' with Cycho" |
|
|
|
RP#62
|
|
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2015, 11:45:36 AM » |
|
Mines been going through the pause for a couple of decades now. She was talking about getting a small refrigerator she could put in her cube at work. I asked if it was for her lunch, she said no, it was to put her head in, and she was serious. She's constantly playing with the thermostat, adjusting it up and 10 minutes later, adjusting it down. I (foolishly) said something about it once and she said that I didn't know what it was like, that I don't suffer with it. I just said, yes I do.
-RP
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
MP
Member
Posts: 5532
1997 Std Valkyrie and 2001 red/blk I/S w/sidecar
North Dakota
|
|
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2015, 11:46:15 AM » |
|
Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need. RIDE SAFE. Was that an insensitive joke? Should I or anyone else be offended? Damn, I'm so confused. Just wait a few, and Daddie-O will be on here to let us know how insensitive we are, and how much he is offended! MP |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"Ridin' with Cycho" |
|
|
|
Jess from VA
|
|
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2015, 11:51:45 AM » |
|
Mines been going through the pause for a couple of decades now. She was talking about getting a small refrigerator she could put in her cube at work. I asked if it was for her lunch, she said no, it was to put her head in, and she was serious. She's constantly playing with the thermostat, adjusting it up and 10 minutes later, adjusting it down. I (foolishly) said something about it once and she said that I didn't know what it was like, that I don't suffer with it. I just said, yes I do.
-RP
a couple of decades now. You are a saint.... or a martyr. I just said, yes I do. No kidding! I think I would have rather served in Afghanistan.... at least there you could fight back. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
|
|
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2015, 12:42:27 PM » |
|
And here I thought Valker was talking about Parked Motorcycle Syndrome.
But, when it comes the real 'pause', yep, I agree, there are no jokes. My SU [ spousal unit] has also been going thru it for decades too. I'm glad I'm not a woman, she does feel like she is on fire. And, she acts like it too. It can be nice on a cold winters night though, well, for me anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
da prez
|
|
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2015, 12:55:23 PM » |
|
OPTICALRECTALOGY
The optic nerve is connected to the rectum , giving one a poopy outlook on life.
da prez
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
baldo
Member
Posts: 6961
Youbetcha
Cape Cod, MA
|
|
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2015, 01:15:48 PM » |
|
Mines been going through the pause for a couple of decades now. She was talking about getting a small refrigerator she could put in her cube at work. I asked if it was for her lunch, she said no, it was to put her head in, and she was serious. She's constantly playing with the thermostat, adjusting it up and 10 minutes later, adjusting it down. I (foolishly) said something about it once and she said that I didn't know what it was like, that I don't suffer with it. I just said, yes I do.
-RP
Lol....good comeback. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
art
Member
Posts: 2737
Grants Pass,Or
Grants Pass,Or
|
|
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2015, 02:28:21 PM » |
|
It was one of the worst thinge that has ever happened in this great Nation, the day it became OK to demand you never should be offended.
It was much better when the whiner was just told quickly and loudly to shut up and get over it.
Obummer was the worst things to happen to this country. I still like the jokes. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
old2soon
|
|
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2015, 04:10:30 PM » |
|
Maybe I jus need to start carrying around some Midol and dispense it to those in need. RIDE SAFE. Was that an insensitive joke? Should I or anyone else be offended? Damn, I'm so confused. Be offended-don't be offended-in a "supposedly" free country you can voice your opinion on virtually anything. Have I pissed off people? YUP! Will I piss off some more people while I'm alive? Again-YUP. Will some people piss me off? YUP. BUT I'm thinkin here far MORE people will make me smile and laugh than will piss me off-NOT counting politicians! Politicians on the other hand ALWAYS sound like they need industrial strength Midol. RIDE SAFE. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Today is the tommorow you worried about yesterday. If at first you don't succeed screw it-save it for nite check. 1964 1968 U S Navy. Two cruises off Nam.
VRCCDS0240 2012 GL1800 Gold Wing Motor Trike conversion
|
|
|
|
The emperor has no clothes
|
|
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2015, 04:58:14 PM » |
|
Mines been going through the pause for a couple of decades now. She was talking about getting a small refrigerator she could put in her cube at work. I asked if it was for her lunch, she said no, it was to put her head in, and she was serious. She's constantly playing with the thermostat, adjusting it up and 10 minutes later, adjusting it down. I (foolishly) said something about it once and she said that I didn't know what it was like, that I don't suffer with it. I just said, yes I do.
-RP
Same here |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Valker
Member
Posts: 3035
Wahoo!!!!
Texas Panhandle
|
|
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2015, 08:07:17 PM » |
|
A horse walks up to the bar
the bartender says why the long face
that was the only joke that doesnt make fun of any group of people so it sucked
But. but. what about John Kerry? |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I ride a motorcycle because nothing transports me as quickly from where I am to who I am.
|
|
|
|
Jopson
|
|
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2015, 09:05:28 PM » |
|
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY JOKES
A horse walks up to the bar
the bartender says why the long face
that was the only joke that doesnt make fun of any group of people so it sucked
You wanna be careful with that joke Oss, it's insulting to horses! You'll have the nut cases from PETA coming for you next!! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
