Noah 2014

NOAH TODAY

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In the year 2014, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Somerset and said:
"Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
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Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
6A225EE26F844F36BE6D4CB105317F18@LizVista
"I needed a Building Permit."

"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbours claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

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"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

004E8FC602BA4BD3A4C7959DEB0B2101@LizVista
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."

"The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."

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"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

0A6C8D6BA8244FA98FF6BA99AB862C5D@LizVista
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
FD6098F00FE14AB0A98A7B2E2FDD50F1@LizVista
"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."