Yeah, I may need one of those shirts.
Two and a half years ago when the doctors released me into my loving wife's care they told her, "Keep in mind he has no filter." The basic meaning of that advice was that whatever bounced between my ears would be coming out my mouth. Some of my friends and especially my children were shocked to hear words they had never before heard me use. Some of them were words that I honestly shouldn't have used. I had long before purged them from my speech but not from my brain. Choices come back to bite us, don't they? Some of those words were simply words that mean the same thing as another, more acceptable, word. I can't tell you how many times I told someone that it's not how you spell the word, but what it means that matters.
Time passed and I got, after a three hour session, an approval from the mind doctors that I was okay to operate a motor vehicle again. I took that to mean that the brain injuries were sufficiently healed for me to appropriately deal with life again.
In the previous few months I had learned to live in an environment in which openness and blunt honesty were simply the way it was. I actually learned to appreciate that approach to life and communication. When the option presented itself, I left a significant part of the filtering skill lying on the floor as I walked away. Truthfully, by folks who are in a position to know, there has been some discussion over how much of that was injury related and how much was experiential. One person I trust told me that she is pretty sure it's about a 70/30 split with the heavy side pointing to the injury. I'm not all that certain myself. I do have a functional filter. I sometimes keep my mouth shut when it needs to be kept shut. Sometimes. I have little or no inclination to practical pretense. If you don't want to hear the answer I'm the wrong one to ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
It's not been that bad. I've pissed off a lot of people and I've a number of friends who just don't like to be around me anymore but I'm fairly pleased with where I am. I've not had my ass kicked yet. That's an accomplishment in itself but then I am old. I've talked at length to the Lord about where I am and I'm pretty sure He's indicated to me that openness and honesty is not my primary issue.
I need one of those shirts.
