A little Friday Humor - do not miss the last one!

[Pete]

         I'm not saying let's go
        kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's
        remove all the warning labels and let the problem work
        itself out.
       
         I changed my horn to gunshot
        sounds. People move out of the way much faster
        now.
       
         You can tell a lot about a
        woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a
        gun, she's probably very unhappy.
       
        You know that tingly little
        feeling you get when you really like someone you've just
        met? That's common sense leaving your body.
       
        I don't like making plans for
        the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets
        thrown around in the courtroom.
       
        I did not make the gym today,
        that makes it 1,500 days in a row.
       
        Dear paranoid people who check
        behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one,
        what's your plan?
       
        Everyone has a right to be
        stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.

[ridingron]

   I did not make the gym today,  that makes it 1,500 days in a row.   

At one point, there was talk of calling the john "Jim".  Think how much better that would sound. I went to the Jim twice yesterday. Or I went to the Jim this morning before work.