Makes all the difference in the world. I'm sorry about the rough stretch though.
I won't talk about it with just anyone, but because you and I have dealt with one another respectfully I'll let you see some of it.
We are to a great deal subjected to the consequences of the choices we have made. I guess that's a good thing in that so much of the world's people are simply the victims of where and when they have been placed with not much choice but struggling for day to day survival. About seventeen years ago the pattern of my life and the choices I had made brought me to a point at which I made some very bad lifestyle decisions. I victimized more than one person who should have been able to depend upon me and was ultimately arrested. The county court allowed me an agreement that if I would stay out of trouble with the law for a year they would drop the pursuit of charges on the condition that if I did get into trouble with the law within twelve months I would not oppose conviction.
My life partner stood by me through a very tough time. The year passed uneventfully and for a long, long time I simply lived life as if that was all well behind and the consequences had been avoided. God was very good to me despite my own behavior and choices.
Spin forward to three years ago when a very sharp impact to the face and head left me with some adjustments to the thinking and mental control process. My life partner carried me through a time when I wasn't sure who I was or what exactly was the world around me. When the doctor sent me home to continue healing he gave my life partner at least two warnings. One was, "Remember he has no filter." That essentially meant that anything that bounced between my ears would come out my mouth with no constraint. The second was, "Don't let him blow his nose. His sinuses are shattered." She did well keeping me from blowing my nose.
Many years before when I was still within the context of the United States Marine Corps I had made a decision to alter the way in which I utilized the English language. I cleaned up my mouth. As is the case with many young men I was pleased to manage what came out of my mouth but didn't bother adjusting what bounced around within my head. When I returned home from the hospital some of my children heard words from me that they had not previously experienced in their lifetimes. There was a deeper cleaning that needed to have taken place. As I have told my friends since that time, if there is something wrong that comes out of my mouth or off my hands it is not my mouth or hands that are wrong but it is my heart.
I have healed from the head injury but I have retained a fair amount of the behavior. There are valid arguments between people who should know as to how much is injury related and how much is experiential.
A short time ago I made a mistake in communication. Most would describe it as inappropriate. There were accusations made. Very unfortunately one of the family members indirectly involved experienced a resurgence of memories and determined that my behavior indicated a continuation of who I was seventeen years ago. The reaction was extreme.
It's been a tough time for Lori Beth. I have involved myself with a therapist primarily to work on disciplining myself to be more concerned for the receiving end of communication rather than only caring about the sending end. Mama would call that learning to be more appropriate. Perhaps the future will see improvement. It seems the crises and pains in our lives are when significant growth takes place.
That's the reference to the rough ride.
Meathead, keep this between you and me. no one else really needs to know, right?
