Swearing at Work.....

[bassman]

Swearing at Work

 
To all Employees:
It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings you are when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 new and innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and Information can continue to flow in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,

Have a Wonderful DAY ! ! !

[Bigwolf]

I sure enjoyed reading that.........but I am probably just going to go on saying things the same way I always have.

[Chrisj CMA]

Funny stuff.  But it makes me even happier that I have no employees.  I never get offended by what is said or done at work at my company; zero complaints

[mbramley]

 My new boss has been trying to tone me down for 2 years now, hasn't f...ing worked yet lol.

[old2soon]

One of our favorites from my Navy days-go pound sand up yer a_ _. RIDE SAFE

[The emperor has no clothes]

One of our favorites from my Navy days-go pound sand up yer a_ _. RIDE SAFE

That one never made any sense to me. Still doesn't.

[old2soon]

One of our favorites from my Navy days-go pound sand up yer a_ _. RIDE SAFE

That one never made any sense to me. Still doesn't.

               Ah my Navy friend. The sheer impossibility of the statement IS the crux of the statement. I worked with a junior C P O that thought/believed/hoped the sun rose and set cuz he wanted it to do so.  He was ALWAYS tryin to git us to do stuff faster and I M H O aircraft that flew far from the sight of land were NOT good places to take shortcuts. Told him MORE than once-chief-go pound sand up yer azz. I was meticulous in my aircraft repair work. Nothing LESS far as I was concerned. The go pound sand was in lieu of my cursing him directly. RIDE SAFE.

[art]

Screw being PC, I like the old way. Go f--- yourself always works.

[Skinhead]

Having started my illustrious career with GM in the Melting department of the Pontiac Foundry, "Go pound sand up your a--!", was always one on my go tos.  My brother, a machinist, said they always used, "go sit on one about 500 rpm!"  What other trade/industry specific variations are out there?

[old2soon]

Not zackly swearing BUT it do git the idea across. Go take a flyin leap at a rollin donut hole. RIDE SAFE.

[Gryphon Rider]

I rarely use profanity, but when I do, people pay attention.  When I have, and others heard, I don't think it helped find a solution or improved people's regard for me.

I suppose if you want people to get used to performing in high-stress situations, e.g. battle, yelling, screaming, and profanity has its place.  I wonder if even soldiers would perform better, however, if they were commanded by civil-tongued officers with reputations of calm, level-headed, courage in battle.

Disclaimer:  I've never served in the military (although I played a soldier in a movie once  ).

[J.Mencalice]

Hmmm...

"I don't think you understand, Nurse Ratched." 

Works fine for me!
 

[Jess from VA]

Generally, the better (trained, experienced, smart) the troops, the less the yelling/swearing.

Military and civilian employment.  

I really prefer the good humored swearing that makes people laugh, not the derogatory kind (that makes them want to throw things at you).

Behavior modification and good leadership is always a judicious combination of the carrot and the hammer.   The carrot is often best applied in public, the hammer in private.

Pick one:

Great job on the oil change Bill.  Only thing better would have been to put the drain plug back in before the oil.  (with a smile)

What kind of  #$%^&* moron forgets to put the @#$%^& drain plug in before the @#$%^& oil?    (with a frown)