A lesson learned the hard way

[Jersey mike]

There isn't always enough time to apologize to someone you've wronged.

I was an ass#0/€ many years ago to someone and now she's gone. As I matured through the years I had hoped there'd come a time our paths would cross again just so I could say how sorry I was for behaving the way I did when we were together and now I can't.

It's tough knowing you were wrong, knowing you broke someone's heart, let them down, walking away for "greener pastures" and thinking it was no big deal at the time, especially when it was to someone who was one of those you don't let get away and undeserving of that lack of respect.

I know this sounds like mushy crap but for some reason knowing she's now gone makes me sad, not just because I know I'll never get the chance to atone for my actions but because I'll miss knowing she was out there somewhere out there in the world. I can't lie that although it's been many years since I saw her, I would think of her from time to time and wonder how her life was.

For a peroid of time in my life I put aside The Golden Rule and realized as I grew up how important it really is. As far as relationships went, I burned a number of bridges in my youth, but this was one that should never have happened.

I didn't write this looking for responses but more for a chance to say there is a shelf life on making amends for ones actions no matter if a little pride needs to be swallowed or crow needs to be consumed. Especially if deep down you know you were wrong.

Folks, "Do unto others as you'd have done unto you."  Pass it on and pass it down.

[John Schmidt]

Jersey, that rang a bell with me, I did much the same thing. That particular lady is still with us and I have contacted her about those times from more than 60 years ago. She replied with a one word letter; THANKS! However, it was handwritten and I recognized the penmanship from lo those many years ago. She's now in her late 70's, I hope she had a good life.

[Pete]

I would suggest that it is often not folks that someone has wronged, but someone you have just lost touch with, someone perhaps where you just need to say thanks or wish well. It may be someone in a distant city or someone in the place where you live.

Often it is just a  past good friend or someone who did you a favor knowingly or unknowingly and now you realize it.

A simple hello and thanks can mean a lot to folks, or a few minutes just visiting them to let them you know you still think of them kindly.

It usually never hurts to just reach out, especially if it is to say thanks.

In a rare circumstance, the person you wish to contact may not want to see you or even hear you so be sensitive and use some care about the contact.

Good luck.

[Rams]

I seriously doubt any one of us could claim to have not erred at some point in our lives.
We all have regrets.   Those regrets are from our own perspective.   Even if we screwed up and wish we could go back in time and do or say something different, how do we know that the other person didn't have a better/happier life the way things already are.   The feelings about the screw up mostly concern how we personally feel about what happened and not how the other person feels about it.   

To the other person, that screw up may have been a good thing in the long run.   I have my own regrets and yet, those folks who I transgressed against seem to have done well regardless of my transgression.    I do have to consider that they may have lived a better life without my active participation.   

The universe does not circle around me and moves on with or without my minor influence.
Would I have changed some of the things I did or said way back then, not sure.   Wisdom comes with experience normally.   I still have much to learn.

[Robert]

We all are individuals, we try to see if we can make things fit and when they dont from either side its our choice to decided what to do. We are also left with the consequences of our decisions and how to handle them. If they work or dont work.

We each are so different, in our needs and desires and even fears that its hard to establish relationships on a firm foundation. Sometimes its the very unstable nature of relationship that makes some crave that kind of relationship.

I found it takes a few hits and maturity to finally understand the true value of what we have and be able to commit to the personal sacrifice and nurturing that a relationship takes. Not only to satisfy our own needs and desires but look out for the best for those around us.

I have been on both sides of the coin, the one who wronged someone and the one wronged. Even to the point of an ex admitting that she was wrong and we could have have made it and had a nice life. While It gave me much satisfaction in hearing that, in the grand scheme of things, I probably went through less turmoil in the way things went and am probably happier than if she had stayed.

Think of it as a highway with many exists and you can take anyone of them. Each one will take you to your final destination but the scenery and experience will change.

We all hope that the ones we cared about are in a better place, but its not our responsibility and maybe they were with us because that is what they needed at the time.

I can tell you life didn't turn out like I thought it would but I have never been a long term planner. But I can tell you the memories and ride are something I do cherish.

As a parting thought, while I do have regrets, when I became a Christian and was healed of some bad behavior. I learned that really I was sick at the time and not able to make a good judgement call. That is what most of the world is today. Garbage in and garbage out. But the Bible also told me to make amends where I can and ask forgiveness where I can and then put the rest in the Lords hands. He is the one who guides each life and knows each of us personally. When I did that the healing began and I pray for those in the past and there are some who are no longer with us. But my biggest concern is did they know the Lord, since He is the healer, restorer and protector of our lives.   

[scooperhsd]

Well - I was a real piece of work to my wife before we got serious.  Fortunately, I came to my senses and realized what a catch she really was before it was too late.

[Valkorado]

We've all made mistakes.  Your last sentence tells me you've learned from yours. 

Be good to yourself, be good in general, and let the regret go.  Carry on, brother.

[The emperor has no clothes]

We've all made mistakes.  Your last sentence tells me you've learned from yours. 

Be good to yourself, be good in general, and let the regret go.  Carry on, brother.

I understand the sentiment. But I have a different take on it. Regrets are our personal reminders to do better the next time.

[Valkorado]

We've all made mistakes.  Your last sentence tells me you've learned from yours. 

Be good to yourself, be good in general, and let the regret go.  Carry on, brother.

I understand the sentiment. But I have a different take on it. Regrets are our personal reminders to do better the next time.

Likewise on sentiment, but carrying regret around as a reminder is like carrying a monkey on your back.  Correct the behavior, learn the lessons and let the bones you have broken rejoice!

[The emperor has no clothes]

We've all made mistakes.  Your last sentence tells me you've learned from yours. 

Be good to yourself, be good in general, and let the regret go.  Carry on, brother.

I understand the sentiment. But I have a different take on it. Regrets are our personal reminders to do better the next time.

Likewise on sentiment, but carrying regret around as a reminder is like carrying a monkey on your back.  Correct the behavior, learn the lessons and let the bones you have broken rejoice!

On a side note. I hear people often say they have no regrets. I can't come close to saying that. And I wonder how many people here feel that way ?

[Valkorado]

We've all made mistakes.  Your last sentence tells me you've learned from yours. 

Be good to yourself, be good in general, and let the regret go.  Carry on, brother.

I understand the sentiment. But I have a different take on it. Regrets are our personal reminders to do better the next time.

Likewise on sentiment, but carrying regret around as a reminder is like carrying a monkey on your back.  Correct the behavior, learn the lessons and let the bones you have broken rejoice!

On a side note. I hear people often say they have no regrets. I can't come close to saying that. And I wonder how many people here feel that way ?

Speaking for myself, I've had more regrets than I could squeeze into a Hefty Lawn & Leaf bag.  Took many years to learn the above.  Can't change what's done, can only learn and move on.  You can't ever completely get rid of that bag, it's ours. The secret is not to add more to it!

[The emperor has no clothes]

We've all made mistakes.  Your last sentence tells me you've learned from yours. 

Be good to yourself, be good in general, and let the regret go.  Carry on, brother.

I understand the sentiment. But I have a different take on it. Regrets are our personal reminders to do better the next time.

Likewise on sentiment, but carrying regret around as a reminder is like carrying a monkey on your back.  Correct the behavior, learn the lessons and let the bones you have broken rejoice!

On a side note. I hear people often say they have no regrets. I can't come close to saying that. And I wonder how many people here feel that way ?

Speaking for myself, I've had more regrets than I could squeeze into a Hefty Lawn & Leaf bag.  Took many years to learn the above.  Can't change what's done, can only learn and move on.  You can't ever completely get rid of that bag, it's ours. The secret is not to add more to it!

I'm with you there brother. 

[Jersey mike]

I'd like to say thanks to everyone who replied, I wasn't really expecting anyone to say more than "get over it" or "what, are you kidding me" and maybe a few other choice phrases.

I decided to make this a topic because I haven't really had anyone to talk to about it and here, well I've seen worse topics discussed.

I don't think it's something the Mrs. would care to discuss. How do you bring up that you're sad an old girlfriend passed away and never got a chance to apologize for "things" you know you did wrong? The last thing I need is for Barbara to think I've been pineing for this girl all these years.

As always there's a bit more to the story, something that has had my curiosity since finding out and I'm trying to caulk up pure coincidence.

Some time in mid January I was getting calls to my cell 2-3 times a month from "private caller" and stopped about a week or so before she passed. I didn't know where she lived until I saw her obituary.

Some time around February/March I had gotten fed up with not knowing who was calling so I tried an online search and all I was able to find out was the location which was local to the area she lived.

At this point I don't know what to think anymore except I'm happy for the life I have and those I love around me. I hope she had a good life and I hope it wasn't her trying to contact me and I never answered. Because if it was her it would mean she would have had no one else to turn to and was looking for help. Like I said I hope those calls were pure coincidence.

It feels good to get some of this out.

[Rams]

At this point I don't know what to think anymore except I'm happy for the life I have and those I love around me.

Snip

It feels good to get some of this out.

I feel quite confident that your thread made everyone that read it think about some of our own errors that we made along the path to get where we are now.   I know it made me sit back and think.

All I can say is, we only go around once, live it the best way you can.   Your way may not be the way I would go and vice versa but, we all have to live with our decisions and actions.    Most of us would change a few of the things that we did in the past.   But, we can't go back and do that so, all we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to not make them again.

This I know, if I hadn't made the decisions I made and taken the steps I took, I wouldn't be where I am today.   Would my life be better had I done something different?   Hard to say but, it most definitely would be different.    Things have a way of working out as long as we don't screw it up.

Reference the old girl friend, I can only speak for my old girls.   I can say they are better off than if they'd stuck around me.   It took my wife a long time to get me trained.   I most surely don't wish to repeat that................... 

[gordonv]

Being a person who also has some regrets, I know at the time I made the decision, it was/IS the right one to have made.

I never got a chance to say Good-Bye to my father before he passed, but I was there while he died (along with my wife and mother), and I have yet to shed a single tear about it after over 11 years (but have quite a few misty eyed times, even now, thinking about it).

As for the phone calls. With all the calls you get from places/numbers that are unknown, we all know no one answers them, that person never once left a message or a text (?), so it must not have ever been that important.

Also we can think a lot of things, which might or might not happen, but we can only live in the present. I learned that the day before my heart surgery, and it allowed me to go under-the-knife with a clear mind, knowing if anything happened I would be leaving two young teens and a wife behind whom I felt couldn't loose me yet.

I didn't write this looking for responses but more for a chance to say there is a shelf life on making amends for ones actions no matter if a little pride needs to be swallowed or crow needs to be consumed. Especially if deep down you know you were wrong.

).

I didn't reply when you 1st wrote this, knowing all you wanted to do was get it off your chest. But with your 2nd post and a bit more of a question I felt I should reply like many others did too.

Thank you for bringing this up, giving the rest of us a chance to bring it to the forefront of our minds.

[G-Man]

Facebook has helped me apologize for a couple of things from the past I have regretted.  I was able to say I was sorry for how I acted, what I said, that stuck with me all these years.  One good thing about FB, at least.

 

[weewillie103]

Three times things in the past blew up
Once was my fault
One was youth and alcohol and
I got screwed on the other.

In two cases, healing came hard and with a lot of coulda, woulda and shoulda
have done this different type thoughts.

The internet as made it a lot easier to reconnect.

One lady is happily married and her husband still doesn't like me GRIN
We talk from time to time
She talks to the wife more than me LOL

The other, we are in a good place.
Her, her NEW husband, the wife and I all just had dinner together after
almost 30 years of no face to face contact.
LOL, he and I are talking about Sturgis next year, we will see if it happens

The third, she died, in a car wreck three months after we parted.

Take the time and reach out to whoever you lost, before it is too late.

I'm sorry B, so very sorry...........................I would love 24 more hours with you.

[3fan4life]

These kinda things work both ways.

My ex wife's health is not very good.

Over the years she has been really good at pointing out all of my faults but had never really admitted any fault of her own.

Recently, out of the blue she admitted to me that she had been wrong also.

She apologized for the things that she had done and asked for my forgiveness.

I was able to tell her that it was all water under the bridge now and that I had forgiven her a long time ago.


Whenever, someone asks for forgiveness grant it to them.

Forgiving doesn't have to mean that you forget.

It just means that you are no longer harbouring "Ill Feelings" against that person.

Besides, Forgiveness really isn't for the benefit of the one asking for it.

It is for the benefit of the person granting it.