well the time might have come for mom

[cookiedough]

to be taken out of her house for good.  She fell down Thursday night and could not get up sitting on her bedroom floor in her house for guessing 12+ hours or more until caregivers came the next morning.  Is in ER until Sunday but have to go to nursing home to see if her strength comes back to be able to walk and not fall down.

Am dropping caregivers as well have a LONG list of issues they never did including NOT showing up that Thursday night when it happened and I strictly told the lady several times weeks ago in charge M-Sat. 1 hour morning and 1 hour night and she assured me it would be done and have found out as of now other nights the past few weeks were not there as well REALLY pissing me off.

Nursing home for now hope she is able to walk better with more strength but if not here comes assisted living and no longer able to go back home, she has altzheimers as well and that is part of it am sure.

sucks getting old and weak and loosing her memory/dimentia....

[art]

Very sorry about that,been there an done that with my Dad in 2004. He lasted 6 months, alzheimer's. It's tough on the family an nursing homes are not great either. Good luck.
.

[cookiedough]

Very sorry about that,been there an done that with my Dad in 2004. He lasted 6 months, alzheimer's. It's tough on the family an nursing homes are not great either. Good luck.
.

If mom can get strong enough to walk since other than her mind slipping away her vitals are good, I will get other daycare providers in there daily 2xs per day at her house if the nursing home does therapy 2-3xs per day to get her walking 1/2 way decent again.  Plus,  going to get life line alert necklace for around 30 bucks per month if she remembers to push it even though is the key.  But, will also be checking into assisted living homes if need be is time to start looking since heard some are on a waiting list to get in.

Is still better and cheaper than an assisted living home which mom will not like as well at 4K or so per month. 

I expected better from the current daycare providers KNEW stuff was NOT being done especially recently now doubling the hours per day and find out they were NOT there as they said they would be which we agreed upon.  Not that it matters now, but if and when the time comes she can go back home (big if), I am going to create a LONG list of items I wanted and expected done and were not done like laundry, meals, better cleaning, recycling, showering, changing clothes, even the #1 thing pills were missed a few times when they were even there,  and the list goes on and on and on of basic things needed done.   They will be getting an earful since probably not going to let them set foot in the house again.

[bassman]

Like many others - been there done that.  FRUSTRATING to say the least.  M'be a couple or three security cameras in her house so you can "monitor" her while she would be alone AND, more importantly, the actions (or not) of anyone else who enters her home.

Not sure there is any right way to deal with this - just your best/sincere efforts at the time

Alzheimer's / dementia are NASTY.  My aunt had it for about 20 years - developed in her late 50's and she passed at age 79.  Fully healthy body but the mind was gone. 

Hardest part was knowing it is not the person but rather the disease you are and will be dealing with

Wishing you the best my friend.

[Bigwolf]

Tough stuff to deal with for sure.  There is no easy answer.  Not that I ever found anyway.

Wishing your mom and you the very best.

Bigwolf

[scooperhsd]

Wishing the best for your mom and we know you will do the best you can for her.

[cookiedough]

thanks all and meeting with social worker at hospital tomorrow and taking off work unpaid of course to be calling around for nursing homes am sure they will want her out tuesday or for sure wednesday if I can find somewhere somewhat local.  Of course over the weekend nothing is open not even able to call her insurance company up or her benefits center to get anyone so will be calling around all morning long for a few hours as well to get some answers.

I have now come to the realization today after visiting mom in the hospital room with nurses coming in asking her things that even if she can never go home again not gaining her strength back to walk with minimal fear of falling down again in 2018,  I think her mind is so far gone that she might enjoy (as compared to 6 months ago fighting it) the assisted living surroundings assuming she can get in to a decent place even though it will bankrupt her.  I am 90% sure is coming in 2018 sometime.

[f6john]

The problem with assisted living in my neck of the woods is they have pretty strict rules about what the residents have to be able to do in order to stay in their facilities. For my mother in law, we had to hire additional help to come in a few times a week to help with her personal needs. She did enjoy it for the time she was there even though she complained she wanted to stay at home, which just wasn’t an option for her.

She spent quite a few months in a nursing home when she could no longer qualify for assisted living under their guidelines. To me a nursing home is just a warehouse for people who are going down. Even the best usually can’t give the care and attention that you want for your loved one. Nursing homes are essential but still put a load on family members to make sure that the patient is comfortable and having all their needs met. As in any industry you find some employees are just made for the job with giving and compassionate hearts but others are there to put in their time and get a check. You’re lucky if you have at least one of the first type in any 24 hour period as they can give you a good idea of how your patient is doing when you can’t be there.

My mother in law, who did not want to be a burden, finally gave in and agreed to move into her sons home. It was the summmer before my twin grandsons were born so I had the time back then and I converted my brother in law’s garage into a really nice living space with a bathroom and plenty of windows to see outside. It was a really big load for her daughter in law to take on since my mother in law would be there 24/7 but my wife was there every day to help and two other sisters were sometime visitors. Your find out a lot about family dynamics in a situation like this, some of it heartwarming and some disheartening.

My mother in law only got to enjoy her new digs for a few months and then she was gone. It was time and money well spent as she was surrounded by loved ones in a home setting. We should have made these arrangement for her years earlier but she resisted our pleas because of the sacrifice of her children for her care. Not everyone would have the money or support structure to do this but so thankful for my wife’s sake that we were able to make her last days comfortable and satisfying.

Praying you will find the help you need to make your mother comfortable and content.

[The emperor has no clothes]

The problem with assisted living in my neck of the woods is they have pretty strict rules about what the residents have to be able to do in order to stay in their facilities. For my mother in law, we had to hire additional help to come in a few times a week to help with her personal needs. She did enjoy it for the time she was there even though she complained she wanted to stay at home, which just wasn’t an option for her.

She spent quite a few months in a nursing home when she could no longer qualify for assisted living under their guidelines. To me a nursing home is just a warehouse for people who are going down. Even the best usually can’t give the care and attention that you want for your loved one. Nursing homes are essential but still put a load on family members to make sure that the patient is comfortable and having all their needs met. As in any industry you find some employees are just made for the job with giving and compassionate hearts but others are there to put in their time and get a check. You’re lucky if you have at least one of the first type in any 24 hour period as they can give you a good idea of how your patient is doing when you can’t be there.

My mother in law, who did not want to be a burden, finally gave in and agreed to move into her sons home. It was the summmer before my twin grandsons were born so I had the time back then and I converted my brother in law’s garage into a really nice living space with a bathroom and plenty of windows to see outside. It was a really big load for her daughter in law to take on since my mother in law would be there 24/7 but my wife was there every day to help and two other sisters were sometime visitors. Your find out a lot about family dynamics in a situation like this, some of it heartwarming and some disheartening.

My mother in law only got to enjoy her new digs for a few months and then she was gone. It was time and money well spent as she was surrounded by loved ones in a home setting. We should have made these arrangement for her years earlier but she resisted our pleas because of the sacrifice of her children for her care. Not everyone would have the money or support structure to do this but so thankful for my wife’s sake that we were able to make her last days comfortable and satisfying.

Praying you will find the help you need to make your mother comfortable and content.

We are nearing this ourselves. My FIL’s health is going downhill. He and my MIL are more worried about leaving something to their daughters than anything else.

[shortleg]

   A fall down the stairs is what took my Mom in 2005.
She just Did not understand you don't  take pain pills and run up
and down stairs.
   Lucky that a neighbor  found her in moment. She never regained  consciousness.

 It was truly tough to loose her that way, it took days. I hated it so.

[cookiedough]

   A fall down the stairs is what took my Mom in 2005.
She just Did not understand you don't  take pain pills and run up
and down stairs.
   Lucky that a neighbor  found her in moment. She never regained  consciousness.

 It was truly tough to loose her that way, it took days. I hated it so.

sorry to hear that.  I guess going bankrupt in a nursing home/asst. living in hopes of being safer longer is better than falling at home doing more damage/suffering at least?

Am so ticked right now though hospital requires 3 inpatient days/nights vs. them just coding all 5 nights there as observation ONLY since no broken bones or sprained ankles or blod clots or anything, all vitals were fine just weak and no strength is all falling down at home.  What that means is instead of thru medicare, etc. being paid in full 100% for up to 100 days in nursing home,  is ONLY covered medicare part b 80% thru medicare while the part a room and board will NOT be covered so 300 bucks per day private pay.  NUTS and STUPID I will appeal but am sure will do no good with Medicare.  ONE simple coding as inpatient 3 of the 5 nights and saves 9K+ out of pocket for only 30 days if need be.

Trump needs to get Medicare rulings fixed as well to make sense.  I guess the health insurance industry wants us caregivers to let our parents lay on the floor and REALLY injur themselves before any substantial payout will occur or how about me spraining her pinky finger or twisting her ankle to get a sprain in order for Medicare, etc. to pay. The whole insurance industry are crooks cannot even ONCE go in and get checked over 'in case' she broke something to get medicare to pay as they should.  How we suppose to know she did not get hurt since she could not get up or even walk or get out of bed standing up even.   Put her back in bed is all and leave telling her to stay put knowing full well she cannot get out of bed or walk even living alone????????????  The 3 day rule is bogus when you have insurance and cannot even use it.  Basically, since all tests and vitals were normal after falling,  code ER and hospital all as observation only vs. inpatient since could have gotten same care at home or nursing home vs. hospital. DUMB rule for sure.   I am going to file an appeal with Medicare but am sure no luck costing mom 9K+ for 30 days in nursing home starting tomorrow. 

I argued with social worker in hospital and they feel for us, but have to follow medicare guidelines.  You can bet once their bills comes I will not be paying it on time either, piss on them.   Is all about money and drs. opinion vs. actually doing the right thing.  Pay thru the nose for decades and still have to lose to a stupid bogus 3 day inpatient status rule of Medicare. 

filing an appeal with Medicare but doubt it will do any good, the rules/guidelines for drs. to follow favor hospitals and medicare so as to NOT pay out as they should.  Pay thru the nose for decades and use insurance now 2xs is all since 2011 last and this is what you get?  stepped on!!!!

[cookiedough]

if my house was equipped for elderly and had the room,  say staying at my house would be better than 10K in a nursing home per month or 4K+ for asst. living and maybe should just quit my shitty job stay at home with mom for a few years until the end?  thought about it but not so sure I could stay home all day long not going anywhere and doing things outside of the house having to watch mom inside the house day after day seeing her deteriate daily. 

[six2go #152]

Cookie,
You might check to see if there is such a thing in Wisconsin called an Adult Foster Home. When my Mom was failing several yrs. ago in Michigan, my Brother found a couple of these homes in the area. They are basically private homes that provide assisted living conditions and the cost is determined by the amount of assist needed. The homes are inspected and state certified. There is no medical care given other than making sure the patient receives their prescribed meds.
Meals are provided. Transportation to Drs. appointments are the responsibility of the patient. In our case, my Brothers lived close and could do that. Sometimes the Dr. would actually make a house call to the facility.
The home that my Mom was in housed 5 or 6 residents, all ladies.
These homes in that area do not advertise. Asking questions of people in the health care field helped my Brothers and I discover these places.
Adult Foster Care may not be available in Wisconsin, but it's worth looking into if your Mom doesn't need constant medical attention.

Good luck.

[cookiedough]

Cookie,
You might check to see if there is such a thing in Wisconsin called an Adult Foster Home. When my Mom was failing several yrs. ago in Michigan, my Brother found a couple of these homes in the area. They are basically private homes that provide assisted living conditions and the cost is determined by the amount of assist needed. The homes are inspected and state certified. There is no medical care given other than making sure the patient receives their prescribed meds.
Meals are provided. Transportation to Drs. appointments are the responsibility of the patient. In our case, my Brothers lived close and could do that. Sometimes the Dr. would actually make a house call to the facility.
The home that my Mom was in housed 5 or 6 residents, all ladies.
These homes in that area do not advertise. Asking questions of people in the health care field helped my Brothers and I discover these places.
Adult Foster Care may not be available in Wisconsin, but it's worth looking into if your Mom doesn't need constant medical attention.

Good luck.

thanks, will check but doubt it around me.  been calling around for asst. living homes and going today to visit 3 of them but ONLY 1 has an opening since most are 12-16 small unit facilities and have a LONG waiting list. I live in rural WI smaller towns with biggest cities nearby 10K and 50K population within 1 hour driving distance, the rest small towns of 1-2K population.

I say pick the one who gives the most care since am sure most are converted small apts. or more run down facilities needing updating.  Mom for now only needs 1 person to help her shower, change clothes, and possibly walk to the bathroom is about it for now.  She can feed and go poddy herself and otherwise besides no memory, is not harming herself.

After calling physical therapy at nursing home yesterday going to get her OUT of there within 10 days hopefully somewhere.  Medicare, thanks to the drs. at hospital NON in patient just observation ONLY status (a-holes),  is only paying for physical therapy while there.  P.T. lady said yesterday 'medicare guideline' B.S. only allows P.T. for mom 1 hour per day is all and ONLY 5 of the 7 days per week, NOT everyday I requested upon emittance on Wednesday. I requested going in splitting it up 30 minutes morning and 30 minutes afternoon DAILY 7 days per week and guess cannot be done.  NO way mom can work out doing physical therapy for 1 full hour NOT being done that I know since she cannot even stand up or walk for 1 hour at a time, so split it up 30 minutes 2xs per day.  Nursing home when I tell them this this weekend am sure will give me some lame excuse saying not adequately staffed to split up the 1 hour daily or provide yet another lame excuse stating that is not how medicare guidelines go.

If that is the case, taking her out sooner rather than later waste of time and money.  The nursing home is good for rehab but not if for 1 hour in ONLY one session which I know is NOT being done since mom can NO way do rehab in her condition for 1 hour straight will tire too easily after 20 minutes.

My guess and will find out is they do say 5-10 people in a group session not one on one physical therapy and mom will only do exercises guessing 10-15 minutes of the 1 hour session.  Gotta remember these are older age 70 and above patients mostly that cannot stand nor walk for more than 5-10 minutes usually the way it is even in otherwise good shape vital sign wise.

was very sad though meeting my uncle in moms hospital room visiting mom telling me him and my other uncle and my other aunt  lungs totally shot with other health issues on oxygen as well and can barely walk all 3 of them not able to work for sure but they are all pushing age 70, mom being the oldest at age 76 of 11 kids total.  Moms health is fine, but dimentia is bad, she never smoked nor drank.  Weird though how smoking can get some while my one uncle 2nd oldest around age 74 still smokes daily has no real signs of bad lungs, but he is very active until his retirement last year after 53 years in one place they sort of forced him to retire but was time.

[shortleg]

  It,s one of the  toughest calls we make.
I lost my Mom to a fall down steps on 2005, and it was rough.
   Kept second guessing  myself about could I have done more.
 Good luck and prayers for your decision.