Housework is for women !

[The emperor has no clothes]

My wife has been sick as a dog for over 2 weeks now. She has stubbornly only taken 3 or 4 days off work. I have been doing my best to not get contaminated by sleeping on the couch and keeping her at bay with my cattle prod.  But a dilemma has arisen. No laundry or dishes have been done in that time  So, grudgingly on my day off I'm forced to face the facts and finally step up. I had know idea 2 people could go thru that many clothes and towels.  The dishes weren't too bad because I've getting fast food on the way home mostly. And putting them in the dishwasher really isn't "doing dishes". But man, folding 4.6 pairs of pants, shirts, towels, socks, etc. SUCKS ! I also decided to make 2 big pots of halibut chowder.
  She better get well soon or I'm going to have to hire someone to clean the bathroom.  (just kidding)

[Serk]

I had know idea 2 people could go thru that many clothes and towels. 

You oughta see how much 6 people can go through, especially when 3 of 'em are rambunctious 6 year olds!

[gordonv]

I've been doing the laundry for decades, but never the folding. Wife doesn't like the way I do it (Great! ;-)

Dishes, for the last 2+ decades into the dishwasher. Pots and bowls washed by hand, when done. No problem.

As for sleeping on the couch, HELL NO! I'm either going to be giving or receiving it (the cold/flu   sometime, so get it over with quickly.

Also, I have found this to work for me. Others it doesn't. When I start feeling a sore throat, I take vitamin C, 3x 1K mg a day for 5+ days. I still go through the symptoms of a cold, but short and mild. I have not taken a day off work due to a cold now since 2000.

[Hook#3287]

How many towels were yours?

Hope Brenda gets well soon.

[The emperor has no clothes]

How many towels were yours?

Hope Brenda gets well soon.

Thanks Bill   I'm starting to get a little worried about her. This is the sickest I've ever seen her.  

Technically all the towels were mine. If it were up to me, I'd reuse a towel to dry off for 2 or 3 days. But for as long as I've known her, she takes my towel, dries off, and throws it in the dirty clothes hamper.

[Firefighter]

You are so lucky and must live on easy street! I wash and fold, clean dishes more than the wife. If there is a real meal, 90% of the time I made it. I was brought up in a clean house and my wife doesn't seem to care much about such things. She is also a dog person and needs them in the house, so I vacuum,, a lot!

I think we should be born married then become single as we get older.

See, your getting me worked up now!

[The emperor has no clothes]

You are so lucky and must live on easy street! I wash and fold, clean dishes more than the wife. If there is a real meal, 90% of the time I made it. I was brought up in a clean house and my wife doesn't seem to care much about such things. She is also a dog person and needs them in the house, so I vacuum,, a lot!

I think we should be born married then become single as we get older.

See, your getting me worked up now!

sorry ! I like the house clean also. But, I've learned over the years I can usually out wait her. 

[Hook#3287]

But for as long as I've known her, she takes my towel, dries off, and throws it in the dirty clothes hamper.

Living alone has some advantages, I can get 2 -3 weeks outta 1  

[The emperor has no clothes]

But for as long as I've known her, she takes my towel, dries off, and throws it in the dirty clothes hamper.

Living alone has some advantages, I can get 2 -3 weeks outta 1  

[cookiedough]

dishwashers are for wussies, never had one nor will ever.  Dishes get cleaner and put up quicker anyways doing them by hand and will always be done that way.

Never heard of washing towels every week.  Hang them up to dry in the bathroom when done and good to go for 2-3 weeks before washing once if you have good quality towels to begin with. 

Man up and get er' dun!!!! even if you think it is women's work.

I do laundry and dry dishes as well as sweeping and vacuuming, but the bathroom cleaning is the misses job......

[Serk]

Larry went to visit his 86 year old grandfather in a very rural area. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, Larry’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon and eggs. Larry noticed a film like substance on his place, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal”.

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Larry was concerned about the plates as it appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you worry, I don’t want to hear another word about it”.

Later that afternoon, as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass. Larry yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car”.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, ‘COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YEH HERE ME!!!”

[Pappy!]

I have been doing my best to not get contaminated by sleeping on the couch and keeping her at bay with my cattle prod.    (just kidding)

Cattle prod huh......is this a side of you we don't know about? 

[The emperor has no clothes]

I have been doing my best to not get contaminated by sleeping on the couch and keeping her at bay with my cattle prod.    (just kidding)

Cattle prod huh......is this a side of you we don't know about? 

You don't use one on your wife ? 

[Jess from VA]

I've been cooking, cleaning and laundering ever since I left HS, and that includes two marriages.

I had a lot of help from both wives, but it's not like they took over.  We worked as a team.  

Laundering once-used towels is a waste of water, soap, electric, and good towels.  

Unless of course you have leprosy, and the fingers and toes have to be washed out each time.

And the only thing I ever used dishwashers for was pot and pan storage.  Couldn't even tell you how they work.  The portable in my current kitchen was thrown out because we needed the space.

[Rams]

And the only thing I ever used dishwashers for was pot and pan storage.  Couldn't even tell you how they work.  The portable in my current kitchen was thrown out because we needed the space.

Well no wonder you don't know how they work if you stored pot in there.................. 

[old2soon]

Towels git used a few times. Wash clothes used while showering are used once. When I'm home dishes are done on Wed and Sat. I tried bitchin to the cook once but I refused to listen.  The house stays cleaner now that the ex is no longer under my roof. Also no more cig butts in the driveway or on the lawn. I duz notice on the other hand I DO go thru a lot of silverware on my own. And I do keep paper plates on hand for when I dasn't wanna wash dishes. Sleepin on the couch??  NOT me NO how NO way.  Ex tried that chit zackly once. Came to bed REALLY needin a shower. She chose fer some reason that STILL eludes me to ride the couch.  Yeah livin single has some advantages-some. RIDE SAFE.

[Rams]

Sleeping on the couch is unacceptable for either spouse.   If you get to that point, it's time to call a truce and work out the problem(s).   

Ain't happening in this household.   I may not be always right but, I'm never totally wrong either. 

Rams

[Willow]

Meathead, be encouraged.  By chromosome content all men are half woman but women all all woman.  You'll be fine doing woman's work.   

[Jess from VA]

Meathead, be encouraged.  By chromosome content all men are half woman but women all all woman.  You'll be fine doing woman's work.   

While that is chromosomally correct, I have always wondered exactly which half I got.   

[Rams]

Meathead, be encouraged.  By chromosome content all men are half woman but women all all woman.  You'll be fine doing woman's work.   

While that is chromosomally correct, I have always wondered exactly which half I got.   

Jess,
I hope you realize that you've left yourself open to one heck of a jab that I'm not going to take.   
Just like that old Budweiser commercial, this one's for you.      

I don't pass up an opportunity to pull a friend's chain often but, am doing so this time.   

Rams 

[John Schmidt]

I have been doing my best to not get contaminated by sleeping on the couch and keeping her at bay with my cattle prod.    (just kidding)

Cattle prod huh......is this a side of you we don't know about? 

You don't use one on your wife ? 

I know Pappy and Leesa personally....she's the one with the cattle prod.  

As for housekeeping, if I didn't do it....it wouldn't get done. Out of necessity I've had to do it for the last few years for my wife, including doing all the grocery shopping, helping her shower, wash her hair, etc. Thank goodness for the ready made meals I can pick up at the supermarket, especially in the meat department. Fish stuffed with crabmeat, chicken breast stuffed with asparagus, etc., just throw it in the oven for 20-25 min. and you have a great entree. Then just heat some frozen veggies, nuke a tater(we split them), and you have a nice hot meal.  She has a couple different "burn 'n serve" frozen dinners she likes but usually only once a week. Many times she can't eat anything after I get it ready, but she will still sit and keep me company. If I have some small dessert, often she will grab her spoon or fork and sneak a couple bites off my plate. We have a standing practice....if I leave the house for any reason such as to work in the shop, walk out to get the mail, or just out front chatting with neighbors, I take a house phone with me. She always has her cell on her hip and is set up to just hit one button to call me. We also have a baby monitor which has a 1000' range which I found really works, it's quite sensitive so all she has to do is call me in a normal speaking voice and I can hear her.

I realize some of the OP and others were a bit tongue-in-cheek, but it's still good to see that most men are fully capable and are self sufficient in the home environment. I recall when I sold my home after Rita and I were married, a young female home inspector came out to go through the house. When done she teased me a bit, said my place was cleaner and kept up better than hers.  

[northernvalk]

"modern" women............ Old Boys..consider yourselves lucky to have known a women who could do "women work" they are getting rare!!!!!!

[Wizzard]

I share the housework with my wife all the time,, have for 40 years now. She works just as much as me so why should she have to do it all? Just sayin

[Rams]

Wizzard is correct IMHO.

I didn't help for a long time in our marriage.  She stayed at home and I worked both for another entity and on the farm.   But things change, she went to work and now brings in more than I do.  I'm semi-retired so that is pretty easy.   Regardless, when I'm home, I help keep the house, dishes and laundry done.   For some reason, she doesn't want me to touch her laundry.   I see no reason her "dainties" can't go into the wash with my work pants.   Beats me.   Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Rams

[The emperor has no clothes]

I share the housework with my wife all the time,, have for 40 years now. She works just as much as me so why should she have to do it all? Just sayin

Randy, it was more of a tongue in cheek post 

[Skinhead]

The other day I remarked to a friend that I thought my wife had died.  He said, "Your not sure?"
I said, "I'm not certain,  the sex is the same, but the dishes are starting to pile up in the sink."

(sorry Honey, that was a joke)

[Wizzard]

I share the housework with my wife all the time,, have for 40 years now. She works just as much as me so why should she have to do it all? Just sayin

Randy, it was more of a tongue in cheek post 

I was just making a comment. It was not directed at you at all. Carry on man!

[old2soon]

LONG time ago Mom disabused Ross and Myself of the notion of women's work. At an early age we were expected to bring down our dirty clothes from upstairs dust those stairs do dishes and cuz Mom and Dad both worked start the evening meals. Summer and winter-we lived about 12 miles south of the Wisconsin line-clothes were hung outside to dry or freeze depending on outside temps. Remember more than once wringing out the clothes twice in freezing temps waiting for clothes to freeze bring in clothes to thaw hang out again to freeze and repeat til clothes are finally dry!  Took awhile but sooner or later the clothes would dry out in the winter. Lets just say First ex Wife thought she was going to come home to a disaster area when she went to hospital for birth of first of our children. She didn't arrive at a disaster area in fact the house and laundry and all things were caught up. 2nd ex Wife would come out and help with repairs on my older Chevy pickup when I was working on it. She didn't mind gittin her hands dirty and she didn't mind my help in the kitchen. We now have Female fighter pilots and some Females in Special Forces. Where ZACKLY duz ya wanna draw dat line? RIDE SAFE.

[Gryphon Rider]

We now have Female fighter pilots and some Females in Special Forces. Where ZACKLY duz ya wanna draw dat line? RIDE SAFE.

I think if you're married to a special forces lady, SHE draws the line.

[old2soon]

We now have Female fighter pilots and some Females in Special Forces. Where ZACKLY duz ya wanna draw dat line? RIDE SAFE.

I think if you're married to a special forces lady, SHE draws the line.

                    Currently and have been single fer comin up on 9 year. RIDE SAFE.

[Gryphon Rider]

We now have Female fighter pilots and some Females in Special Forces. Where ZACKLY duz ya wanna draw dat line? RIDE SAFE.

I think if you're married to a special forces lady, SHE draws the line.

                    Currently and have been single fer comin up on 9 year. RIDE SAFE.

By "you" I meant anyone who might potentially marry a special forces lady, not you in particular.  But who knows, maybe all-of-a-sudden YOU will meet one who will blow your socks off! 

[Wizzard]

If I met one that blew my socks off,, I might get cold feet! Just sayin 

[Jess from VA]

Man it's been a really long time since I had my socks blown off.   

[The emperor has no clothes]

Man it's been a really long time since I had my socks blown off.   

I don’t think I’ve ever had my blown off. 

[DirtyDan]

Would that make one barefoot ? I’d stay out of the kitchen......

 

Dan

[0leman]

When I retired in '09, I started doing the dishes after DW cooked the meal.  I really hate cooking, she does a bang up job.   Silverware, plates, glasses go into the dishwasher, pot and pans get hand washed.  Good way to get the dirt out from under fingernails. 

 She didn't like the way I washed the clothes (everything should be able to go into the same load right?), so only get to help fold them every so often. 

I normally take care of the outside of our home, she does the inside. 

Only time one of us doesn't sleep in our bed is when one of us has a cold, sleeping on a recliner lets the sick person breather easier.  Worked that way for 30 years.  yes, we have shared every cold we ever have had. 

[threevalks]

 Here is the list of good wife rules I gave Jane before our wedding . She does a fairly good job of it. Once in awhile she slips and has to have a little adjustment.

1.) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

2.) Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

3.) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

4.) Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

5.) Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

6.) Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7.) Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.

8.) Children are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet
9.) Be happy to see him. Free him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him.

10.) You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

11.) Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

12.) Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where you husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

13.) Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

14.) Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

15.) Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

16.) Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

17.) Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment of integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

18.) A good wife always knows her place

[The emperor has no clothes]

Here is the list of good wife rules I gave Jane before our wedding . She does a fairly good job of it. Once in awhile she slips and has to have a little adjustment.

1.) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

2.) Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

3.) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

4.) Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

5.) Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

6.) Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7.) Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.

8.) Children are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet
9.) Be happy to see him. Free him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him.

10.) You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

11.) Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

12.) Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where you husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

13.) Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

14.) Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

15.) Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

16.) Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

17.) Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment of integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

18.) A good wife always knows her place

[3fan4life]

Here is the list of good wife rules I gave Jane before our wedding . She does a fairly good job of it. Once in awhile she slips and has to have a little adjustment.

1.) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

2.) Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

3.) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

4.) Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

5.) Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

6.) Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7.) Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.

8.) Children are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet
9.) Be happy to see him. Free him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him.

10.) You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

11.) Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

12.) Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where you husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

13.) Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

14.) Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

15.) Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

16.) Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

17.) Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment of integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

18.) A good wife always knows her place

As my dad used to say, "That'll go over like a Fart in Church." 

[Jess from VA]

I would have only just got started on that list, when my spouse would have permanently transferred the engraving on the bottom of a cast iron skillet across my forehead.

No, my name is not Griswold..... it's a long story.


Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.

Forget the skillet...... now go for the ballistic vest.