moms side of the family not looking good

[cookiedough]

as I took off 1/2 day off work to have my mom being the oldest sibling age 77 and altzheimers to see her new DR. in her new assisted living place,  I get a call tonight few hours ago from Uncle Butch (Charlie) stating moms favorite younger sister Mickey might be on hospice soon next week is in ICU now past few days.  He also said Uncle Richard only in his upper 60's also in hospital 80% blockage/bad lungs.  Both smoked as well as most of my other 10 or so Uncles/Aunts, except my mom and 1 other Aunt.  3 Aunts/Uncles have already passed in their 50s and 60s and does not look good for 2-3 other ones as well in 2020.

I just saw 5 months ago Aunt Mickey visiting my mom in the other asst. living home was doing GREAT not on oxygen tank and walking fine much to my surprise, very happy to be living jabbering away with my mom who probably does not really remember her much at all.  Mickey commented to me that day 5 months ago that is very sad that all her brother/sisters do not stay in touch any longer with some only 20-30 miles apart from one another and the only time they see each other is when someone is at each other's funeral.   I always remember those 2 going garage saleing and shopping nearly every single weekend when I was young growing up, two peas in a pod those 2.   

Is sad to see so many family members aging/passing I remember in my youth growing up so vibrant and so full of piss and vinegar when in their younger years.

[Serk]

I'm quickly seeing the price of making it to an older age is progressively watching those I always looked up to wither away.....

It's a painful thing to witness, but all we can do is be there for them, and make the most of the time we have before we join them. 

.....sure beats the alternative though...

[f6john]

I am really blessed in this regard. My mother is 91 and still living on her own since Dad passed in 2010. Still drives to church, hairdresser, grocery store, and medical appointments. Loves to read Nd downloads books to her I-pad regularly. She has started following politics since the Trump election and we get to discuss the happening in Washington on our at least 3 times a week phone calls. I can see she is slowing down more in the last year or so and that is to be expected. Her mother lived to be 99 and was still in good health until she broke her hip and she didn’t come out of the surgery. My biggest concern for her is the living alone as I know she really misses my father and usually produces some tears when we say our goodbyes after a visit. Her biggest concern is the thought of losing her sight, which is still good but problem do exist that are being watched. Her other concern would be if her mind started slipping which is still quite sharp. I cut up with her and try to make her laugh every time we talk and I’m usually successful.

This darn home remodel is keeping me from seeing her as often as I was when I was spending time at my sons house while providing daycare for the grandsons. I could drive the hour and a half to her house on alternating weekends which we both enjoyed. Time does march on, we just have to make everyday count.

[gregk]

Sorry to hear Don.

[cookiedough]

I am really blessed in this regard. My mother is 91 and still living on her own since Dad passed in 2010. Still drives to church, hairdresser, grocery store, and medical appointments. Loves to read Nd downloads books to her I-pad regularly. She has started following politics since the Trump election and we get to discuss the happening in Washington on our at least 3 times a week phone calls. I can see she is slowing down more in the last year or so and that is to be expected. Her mother lived to be 99 and was still in good health until she broke her hip and she didn’t come out of the surgery. My biggest concern for her is the living alone as I know she really misses my father and usually produces some tears when we say our goodbyes after a visit. Her biggest concern is the thought of losing her sight, which is still good but problem do exist that are being watched. Her other concern would be if her mind started slipping which is still quite sharp. I cut up with her and try to make her laugh every time we talk and I’m usually successful.

This darn home remodel is keeping me from seeing her as often as I was when I was spending time at my sons house while providing daycare for the grandsons. I could drive the hour and a half to her house on alternating weekends which we both enjoyed. Time does march on, we just have to make everyday count.

that is impressive 91 and still sharp having all her mind as well and still able to drive, etc.  Good genetics are a great thing to have.  Unfortunately NO ONE on either side of my parents family ever make it to 80.  I saw Mickey my aunt few hours ago and only age 72 she said.  He mind is great, but body is failing big time.  I saw her last about 7 months ago she had NO portable oxygen tank and able to walk without walker and looked age 60.  NOW tonight,  she looks age 99 on near complete oxygen and breathing heavy, etc.  I guess she fell down going to HO Chunk in Dubuque IA on an escalator there and broke 5 ribs as well as lacerations to the head, then her lungs failed yet again and ever since last July or so has been in nursing homes only home in her apt. a few days is all entire 6 or so months, NOT good.  She lost 30 lbs. in that short of timeframe as well on the heavier side so that is good but not all at once and not like that.  She said has no appetite and only able to eat applesauce and water is all for like forever.  According to Uncle Butch,  if things do not improve by MOnday the hospital ICU wants to move her outta there into hospice.  

We chatted about her good old days when her and my mom went shopping when I was a kid and sort of brought tears to her eyes.... Is weird my mom being oldest age 77 has lost her memory being only one while body pretty good with all things considered, but near every brother/sister left have their mind but body is failing and most in their upper 60s.  I guess Uncle Richard in another hospital nearby had 80% blockage near heart and just had surgery to put a stint in as well as having very bad lungs.  

Mickey even told me tonight even Uncle Albert visited her today in ICU and according to her he does not look good either he lost his long time wife of lung cancer last year very rapidly and retired only a few years ago into his 70s as well.  I think a lot of times once someone looses a long time spouse it affects the surviving spouse drastically especially if no family/friends nearby for support to keep the mind/body sharp and active.

[old2soon]

         Recently I posted about the passing of my 86 year old Half Sister. One of my nieces gave Ross some pictures I have since copied showing a recession of sorts. One of the early pics showed Mom with all 6 of her children from 2 marriages. The next pic was taken of all 6 of the children-well adults-after mom passed. Then another pic with 5 of us after my half Brother had passed. Long story short it IS now down to Ross and this other old guy. In our family seems as if most of the Women-with the exception of my Baby Sister-do much better on the longevity thingy than the men do. Ross and I have already exceeded the years Dad and my half Brother had on Earth. In fact I changed the avatar on my phone from Phatt Ghurl to the Christmas 2018 pic of Ross Elaine and me.
         And on another note while Gwen-my friend and neighbor across the street from me in Mo. Is in Fact back in her casa But she is NOT doing well. Stead of hospice Family is taking turns caring for her. Since home she has lost more weight resumed smoking and taken a header in the bathroom. I Fear I will never see my friend alive again.  She Is in FACT one gnarly old broad and is Choosing to go out at home her way.  Interesting stories from her-growing up on a ranch in Colorado her husband became a Top Kick in The Army she drove stock cars was on the Fire Dept/Ambulance Service. Amongst other things-like I said-INTERESTING! cookie-best of wishes and Prayers up from O2S.  RIDE SAFE.

[scooperhsd]

My parents are both dead (Dad from lung cancer in '94, Mom about 3-5 years ago from dementia), FIL from a stroke / heart attack in 2004 or so. We're living with MIL (now 82), but she is in the early stages of dementia/ Alzheimer's , otherwise she is like the Energizer bunny.  Her Mom made it to her early 90's.

[cookiedough]

well that did not last long,  aunt Mickey passed 5 a.m. this morning,  today she was suppose to go from hospital to nursing home for hospice, did not make heart gave out just like that.  I was last one to see her last night from 5 to 6 p.m. just chatting away like she was anxious to get outta the hospital but also depressed knowing the end was near. 

I guess her heart was worse off than I thought as drs. stated surgery for repair she would not have made it out of surgery no way.  Guess drs. knew what they were talking about.. 

got even more bad news as Uncle Butch this morning got admitted into ER for COPD unable to breath bad lungs are shot.  He is POA for my Aunt Mickey so not sure but other Aunt and Uncle might have to take the lead on planning funeral, etc.    Am wondering if he found out about my Aunt whom they were very close did lots together and he got upset and unable to breath all of a sudden?

Word of advice:  get your personal belongings/life in order for my Aunt told me last night she sure wished she had more time to alter her will and get rid of more personal belongings that needed to get done BEFORE passing, now is too late....        She was in the midst of getting will altered with Uncle Butch doing it but ran out of time happened so fast....    After talking to her and seeing her,  I thought for sure she had a few months left did not seem too ill but Drs. said heart can go anytime all of a sudden whether weeks or months from now.  Sort of hard for me to take knowing I was the last one to see her only 11 hours before passing and visit her in hospital and her telling me things that only a few in our family clan knew.   

Am afraid 2 more Uncles wil be passing in 2020 sometime as well both have been in/out of hospital far too much lately for heart and lungs, etc.

[old2soon]

         My will and last wishes are already filed with the Courthouse in the County I reside in in Missouri. Too bad I will not be around to see the looks on faces when my will Is read.  Yeah seems like when older relatives start dropping it acts like an epidemic. RIDE SAFE.

[Jess from VA]

Boy, I can't agree more with advice to step up to the plate and get wills done (and joint ownership, beneficiaries, and as much as possible lined up) while you are of sound mind.  And to step up and get loved ones and family to do the same (as much as you can).  Many states allow hand written holographic wills, with on-line how-to's, and usually a witness or two at signing.  Get it done.  

Whatever one believes about religion or afterlife, it seems this is one subject (death) many people just don't want to face, and put off forever (or too late).  And death is certain.  It's no favor to family, and it's your money and stuff and house.  And the last thing anyone should want is Escheat to the State, or require the opening of a probate estate when it could have easily been avoided.  

Brand new in the Air Force, my Col handed me a will package and told me to go over to the base hospital and get it signed.  I looked over the will and it showed family and seemed all in order.  I get there, and the terminal cancer lady (veteran's surviving spouse) is near death and in very bad shape, physically and mentally.  She understands why I am there, but says she's changed her mind and wants everything to go to her dog (she is far from penniless and with a big family).  

I'm not going to do that, but I can't just refuse, so I look in the will and discuss her family members, and executor, and surely they will take care of the dog .  (If I leave without the will signed she will probably pass before any will is signed).  It takes a long time and a lot of discussion and she finally agrees the will as-is is what she really wants.  She can't even raise her hand, and asks me to help, so I take her hand and help her sign her name.  I'm certain that signature, looked nothing like her actual signature.  Of course I took nothing by that will, and what else was I to do?

I get back to the office and tell the boss, I don't ever ever want to do that again.  

And don't make a big list of all kinds of odds and ends you want to give to A-Z, give it to them while you are still alive, and don't burden people with having to do a hundred little chores.

[Oss]

what Jess said but here is a suggestion if you have a LOT of stuff to go to the gkids and kids and friends

Take small pieces of masking tape and write the name of the person you want to get each picture or knick knack and TELL the kids who gets what now while you are alive as they may not want the item.

Then make a list and sign it of what you want to go to who as far as jewelry etc  including the list of pics and who gets them and GIVE a copy to your Executor and Alternate Executor and keep the original with the will

State in the Will you have given your nominated Executor and Alternate the list of personal property bequests and leave it at that stating it is in their discretion where things go if a dispute.

It is "sort of " the honor system but I have had many hundreds of Wills and no problems with this solution over 40 years

Worst come to worst you bring out the best in the kids as they swap pictures etc and they will enjoy telling each other stories about the items and yourself when you are gone.   And if you want to be remembered it is a nice way to do so

[old2soon]

          With only a few exceptions all my worldly goods go to my Church upon my demise. My friend across the street in Willow Springs has had her last will and testament done long before I did. L W & T is a big part of my S I Ls law practice. I do Not Know about other states but I needed to file a copy at the county court house where I reside.     After my tour in the Navy discussing death didn't bother me as much as it did before the Navy. Every time I went onto the flight deck I was literally inches away from death. Night only made the flight deck a bit more interesting.  And approaching 75 year on this orb thinkin i got less ahead of me than i duz behind me. And last time i checked no one gits outa this life alive.  RIDE SAFE

[scooperhsd]

Yeah, I've heard it said that the flight deck of a carrier during flight ops is probably the most dangerous place on earth - and doing it at night only makes it worse.

[old2soon]

Yeah, I've heard it said that the flight deck of a carrier during flight ops is probably the most dangerous place on earth - and doing it at night only makes it worse.

           Worked on A/C while they were on the flight deck. When my plane taxied out of the stack to the catapults I HAD to be with my A/C until the moment or so just before the cat shot. And had to be ready when my A/C recovered-arrested landing. Those that could not get over their fears performed "other duties" because of their fears. Splainin the flight deck is like tryin to splain M/C ridin-damn near impossible to splain-ya gotz ta experience it. Humans can adapt when they NEED too adapt. When my time do come-and it will-I PRAY I will face it as good as I talk I will here on this forum. RIDE SAFE.