A UPS Driver's take on who will survive the Corona Virus.....

[3fan4life]

From an anonymous UPS delivery driver...
5 types of customers since the “rona”:

1) Steve:
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.

Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.

2) Brad:
He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.

Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.

3) Nancy:
She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.

She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.

4) Karen:
She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.

Karen will not survive longer than Brad.

5) Mary:
Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.

Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.
May God have mercy on us all.”

[The emperor has no clothes]

  (sadly, probably pretty close to the truth)

[John Schmidt]

Well, at least when they travel they won't have every driver on the road tailgating them like they do up here. Seems to be a national pasttime & really pisses me off. So I simply go slower and slower and slower, and every time I hear them honk at me I just wave for the idiot to go around me but they don't. They'll follow for miles like that, what's wrong with some of these drivers. It's worse than Florida in many respects.

[shadowsoftime]

i heard FedX and UPS are going to merge together, will be called FEDUP.

[Rams]

Darwin was right.   What he didn't know was, most of the survivors will be Valkyrie riding 2nd Amendment survivalist.   

Rams 

[DDT (12)]

Well, at least when they travel they won't have every driver on the road tailgating them like they do up here. Seems to be a national pasttime & really pisses me off. So I simply go slower and slower and slower, and every time I hear them honk at me I just wave for the idiot to go around me but they don't. They'll follow for miles like that, what's wrong with some of these drivers. It's worse than Florida in many respects.

John,

We do have better drivers down here... Ours are the ones from up there who actually made it all the way down! Natural selection, I guess...

DDT

[John Schmidt]

Well, at least when they travel they won't have every driver on the road tailgating them like they do up here. Seems to be a national pasttime & really pisses me off. So I simply go slower and slower and slower, and every time I hear them honk at me I just wave for the idiot to go around me but they don't. They'll follow for miles like that, what's wrong with some of these drivers. It's worse than Florida in many respects.

John,

We do have better drivers down here... Ours are the ones from up there who actually made it all the way down! Natural selection, I guess...

DDT

You still have to watch out for the q-tips...those little gray haired ladies that drive by looking through the steering wheel. Makes you think you're following a driver-less vehicle....at 45mph....in the left lane....with the turn signal on for the last 20 miles. 

[Crackerborn]

When I was a yout living in the sunshine state we called those no-heads. You had to pass to see if there really was a driver.

[Willow]

Once again a humorous piece but fed by the wildly exaggerated media panic over COVID-19.  If everyone in the country fell ill to the virus something near 3% of the population would not survive.  That means 96% of the population would survive in the worst case that everybody in the country caught the disease.  There would have to be 20 different types described in order to identify one type that may not survive.

I saw this joke first on Facebook.  Once the panic starts to roll even out humor feeds it to grow.

[Binkie]

Be like Steve and Mary. 

[The emperor has no clothes]

Once again a humorous piece but fed by the wildly exaggerated media panic over COVID-19.  If everyone in the country fell ill to the virus something near 3% of the population would not survive.  That means 96% of the population would survive in the worst case that everybody in the country caught the disease. 

10 million deaths from the corona doesn’t sound like anything to freak out about.