I've been banned from the local Target store....

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my
wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local
Target.

Dear Mrs. Tinker...

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Tinker, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. Sept 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. Oct 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Houseware to go off
at 5-minute intervals.

3. Oct 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. Oct 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, "Code 3 in Houseware. Get on it right away". This
caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the
company money.

5. Nov 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.

6. Nov 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
a carpeted area.

7. Dec 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty
children obliged.

8. Dec 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. Jan 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. Jan 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. Feb 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. Feb 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. Feb 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. March 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. March 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.